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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

462 replies

LondonDecorator · 06/09/2018 23:34

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/09/2018 08:36

Grin that's properly given me a laugh this morning.

OP I agree with all the other criticisms. I'm not currently online dating but when I was, I wouldn't have bothered with even reading half of that without thinking 'no'.

For what it's worth, I won't meet anyone without talking on the phone first, and a lot don't get through that 'assessment'. The first meeting isn't a 'date' so I prefer a quick coffee, so as not to waste my time !! None of this 'drinks on the river' malarkey.

0ccamsRazor · 07/09/2018 08:49

Well that op was the biggest load of bollocks I have read on mn today.

Lmao

Saggital · 07/09/2018 08:49

Lol....at the posters on here assisting a man to get in other ladies’ knickers through deception.

The posters who appraise it for being honest have nailed it. At least then when one of the 3billion or so females on this planet find him it will be a carp-fishing match made in heaven.

Cuttingthegrass · 07/09/2018 08:55

Agree this should go in classics

I am LMAO. It's so cringeworthy. Totally signals to me an inflexible arrogant prick who thinks he's a superior being

OPs ex obviously has an amazingly gsoh suggesting he post it on here for comment Grin

Saggital · 07/09/2018 08:58

I think he was being serious *Cuttingthegrass” and it will appear in the Mail tomorrow Grin

SpeckledDot · 07/09/2018 08:58

I see so many profiles like this on dating sites. Men are not self-aware at all

WingsofNylon · 07/09/2018 09:01

The thing is, if you truly feel this profile is an accurate reflection of your self then you should leave it as is. But you might not get much response.

Even before we got onto the profile I was put off by you speech about getting on with one of your exs. I'm my eyes that is just normal so to somewhat brag about it then suggest that I might be intimidated by it was all really eeewwww.

I cringed at the first line about the most honest profile...again eeewwww. The honest people I know, never have to say it.

The rest reads so Jekyll and Hyde. Submissive and equal? Poor grammar but reading is important? You won't change but she needs to be open-minded?

The mansplaining made me laugh, I think you must be deliberately trying to be funny with those. The Thames runs through London. Wow.

Dictating where and what the first few meet ups will be like is controlling. You could say, 'My ideal first meet up would be casual drinks by the river with later dates being more adventurous to ease into getting to know eachother.'

Other than showing me that you are comfortable with making a list of demands the profile doesn't tell me much about you. Tell me actual things about yourself. We get a tiny glimpse when you mention Europe. What about your work? Do you enjoy it? If so why? Are you any good at the singing?

I was once told 'beware the should'. Your profile is full of 'you should the this you should not be that'. Try flipping it round.

The final sentence was the nail in the coffin. Even the use of the term pc tells me that I wouldn't enjoy spending time with you. I'm very rarely offended. I simply don't find bigotry attractive. I need funny, like side splitting funny, and I wouldn't get that from you.

OLD is hard on everyone and I do hope that you get some use from our feedback.

Ohyesiam · 07/09/2018 09:05

Sounds like you don’t like women much.
Please let this be a joke.

w4yty · 07/09/2018 09:09

OP Grinplease come back!

Smeller89 · 07/09/2018 09:11

Having done plenty OLD, I can fully imagine the pictures that would go with this profile - a bathroom mirror selfie and one of OP holding a tiger...

I also agree the profile should be left as is, no point wasting women's time pretending to be normal!

w4yty · 07/09/2018 09:11

Daily Mail tomorrow ....

"Man looking for love posts dating profile on Mumsnet and gets STUNG by NEST OF VIPERS"

DastardlyDoris · 07/09/2018 09:14

Even the bit before the profile starts is condescending and controlling.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/09/2018 09:14

*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read! – YEAH RIGHT! JUST DON’T SAY THIS!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you. – NO!!! LEAVE THIS OUT.

So here goes me.... – AND THIS – LEAVE IT OUT
I am A sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman. – I’D LEAVE OUT PASSION.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on. - HELL NO!!! DELETE DELETE DELETE

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke. – LEAVE OUT THE VINTAGE WRITING INSTRUMENTS, LEAVE OUT BEER, PUBS WOULD MEAN WE ALREADY KNOW THAT.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++ - SUBMISSIVE! JUST NO!!!! READING TOGETHER! WHY???? READING IS A SOLO ESCAPE THING. I READ ALL THE TIME BUT I’D HATE TO READ TOGETHER! IT’S MY THING, MY TASTE IN BOOKS, MY ESCAPE. NOT YOURS!

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible. – NOPE – GET RID OF THIS PARAGRAPH TOTALLY!

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you. – AND LEAVE OUT THIS TOO. BETTER TO SAY THAT YOU HAVE XX CHILDREN AND THEIR AGES AND THAT YOU CO-PARENT WELL WITH THEIR MOTHER.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together. – SO WHY ARE YOU ON A DATING SITE LOOKING FOR A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP IF YOU ARE GOING TRAVELLING? AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN? ARE YOU JUST ABANDONING THEM FOR THE WHOLE TIME? THAT COMPLETELY CONTRADICTS YOUR OTHER LINE ABOUT THEM COMING FIRST. LOOKS TO ME LIKE YOU COME FIRST AND SOD THEM, I’M OFF TO SEE THE WORLD!

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you. – TAKE THIS OUT!!!!!

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool. – TAKE THIS OUT!!!!

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course. – TAKE THIS OUT!!!! ANY PROFILE WHERE A MAN SAYS HE’S VEGGIE IS A NO, NO FOR MANY WOMEN. AND IF YOU WANT TO EAT FISH YOU ARE A PESCATARIAN – NOT A VEGGIE!

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting. – WHAT??? WHY DO YOU GET TO DECIDE WHERE YOU GO ON YOUR FIRST DATE. YOU SHOULD BE TELLING WOMEN THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO THEM TO FEEL COMFORTABLE ON A FIRST DATE SO IT’S UP TO THEM – NOT YOU!

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me. – FUCKINGHELL! JUST NOOOOOO!!!!!

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .* - AND AGAIN – JUST NOOOOO!!!!

YOU sound like a total dick from this profile

ShirleyPhallus · 07/09/2018 09:18

Hilarious Grin

HereIgoagainxx · 07/09/2018 09:19

Oh God, it's a no from me. Absolutely would not bother responding. SorrY but you sound so incredibly self-centered and your checklist is ridiculous

Slapbetcommissioner · 07/09/2018 09:27

I wonder how many of his photos are Jim holding a big fish Grin

HereIgoagainxx · 07/09/2018 09:27

And why are you deciding what your first meeting and date venue will be? It's not all about you.

This has to be a wind-up. I just cannot believe anyone is this self-centered and unaware of it.

flamingnoravera · 07/09/2018 09:27

I've not much to add to the comments of the other posters so I've just come here to say that I'm not surprised you're not getting any hits.

I don't think it's appropriate to mention anything about your children except that you have some. No-one cares about your sick reflex with dogs and frankly the whole thing is way too long, rambling and arrogant.

Go back to the drawing board and show a little humility. And I definitely second the view that anyone who tells me that they are honest as an opening line sends all kind of red flags out.

HTH

Singingitoverandoverandover · 07/09/2018 09:28

Mr Grey is that really you? I thought you hated marmite.

Boysmomma · 07/09/2018 09:28

Wow, just.......wow

Slapbetcommissioner · 07/09/2018 09:30

Does supportive sexually compatible lover = erectile dysfunction? Why supportive?

Singingitoverandoverandover · 07/09/2018 09:31

someone google this profile info and give us a look

IndieTara · 07/09/2018 09:35

Op I'm on 2 dating sites and if I read yours it would stand out for all the wrong reasons.

Maybe online dating is not for you

PeppermintPasty · 07/09/2018 09:35

Delete the first 15 paragraphs.

YourMilkshakeIsBetterThanMine · 07/09/2018 09:38

This has to be a joke thread?

I'm so glad I'm happily married.

Our first meeting will be for drinks off you fuck. The 50 shades controlling nonsense isn't sexy, it's a sign of a pathetic man unworthy of a strong woman.