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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

462 replies

LondonDecorator · 06/09/2018 23:34

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

OP posts:
rudeycrudey · 07/09/2018 18:01

What is 'OLD'?

FaFoutis · 07/09/2018 18:02

online dating?

AnyFucker · 07/09/2018 18:04

I remember that FAF Grin

rudeycrudey · 07/09/2018 18:06

Oh of course 
Thanks @FaFoutis!

PortiaCastis · 07/09/2018 18:08

Submissive ......... that usually means submitting to a small cock doesn't it or does it mean do as I say little woman

Racecardriver · 07/09/2018 18:14

I didn't read past sumissive. You are either the kind of man who feels entitle to boss around your girlfriend by virtue of having a penis or you have exotics tastes in bed. Either way duesbt work for me.

kenandbarbie · 07/09/2018 18:18

Where's the other online dating thread?

AynRandTheObjectivist · 07/09/2018 19:20

I am a real life submissive in a real life D/s relationship. The problem with things like being submissive or dominant or wanting the man to take the lead is that it's almost impossible to state this outright in a dating profile without sounding like an absolute twat. Even in fetish dating profiles they don't usually manage it. Being a sub or Dom really doesn't mean anything if you don't have that dynamic with your partner. You can't just throw any Dom and any sub together and expect it to work. They are nuanced relationships where two people bounce off each other. Rather like vanilla relationships in that regard, just that the stakes and intensity tend to be higher (in my experience, anyway).

Stating it in such a blunt way, as here, together with explaining to women how they should feel about their own children and other things, really does look absolutely awful. If you're a Dom man, then meet women who interest you and just gradually try out the approaches and see how she responds. If you really are a Dom, you'll be able to read her reactions and play off her properly as she plays off you (I mean that in a good way). You'll naturally want to dom and she'll naturally want to submit.

But doing it this way, with no seduction, no interaction, just straight up there in your dating profile, is really the equivalent of walking into the room and saying, "wanna fuck?".

Saggital · 07/09/2018 19:24

Oh, I just find this world so blooming weird. I will retire from it, I will. And buy a cat, ‘‘tis easier.

chaoscategorised · 07/09/2018 19:28

Please can someone explain the dog bit to me!? Feel I'm being thick...

Somanymistakes · 07/09/2018 19:30

Inez
You are very funny Grin

And I agree. You sound like an utter twat who thinks he is intelligent and interesting. But actually isn’t.

And you sound like you want to ensure she loves anal and calls you daddy whilst agreeing with everything you say.

Actually you’d prob slap her and tell her she wasn’t good enough to call you ‘Daddy’. And should call you ‘Master’ instead.

Somanymistakes · 07/09/2018 19:36

Chaos

He loves dogs
Dogs love him (only submissive dogs with small earrings though)

But once he stepped in canine faeces (have been reading tricky books. Is right clever phrase innit) when he was a child and the smell made him vomit. So now when he steps in dog shit, he is unable to tolerate the olfactory stimulation (badda-boom!) and is queasy again. So throws away his cheesy trainers. And can not tolerate dogs as a pet.

Cats are cool though.

In summary:
He is a fucking whining twat who doesn’t watch where he walks, frequently stands in shit and stabs dogs to death whenever he sees them defecating.

Somanymistakes · 07/09/2018 19:37

Did that help, Chaos?

Still thinking about dating him?

eddielizzard · 07/09/2018 19:46

from nethuns Graham P(14) writes:
^
They want you be over six foot tall but no taller than 182cm. You'll have short cropped, shoulder length dark hair that is blonde but absolutely no baldies unless you have no hair then that's fine. You have a beard while being clean shaven but stubble is sexy. Tattoos are fine as long as you don't have any, unless you do.

Hopefully you have kids but it would be better if you haven't had kids yet as she will want some more although she hasn't had any yet. She's very proud of her kids and they come first apart from the two nights a month that they're not there.

You'll like animals but not dogs as her cats won't like them, but her dogs will. You'll enjoy the finer things in life while being at home on a campsite. She won't be interested in your car unless it's an Aston Martin, oh and you will own your house and be financially secure but money isn't important to her.

She's not looking for anything serious right now and would like to start out just widening her circle of friends, but she's big on commitment and would like to meet her soul mate. She'd like to meet you for champagne or cocktails as a first date however she doesn't like men who drink.

You will have to message her first and take the initiative for arranging dates but it's unlikely she'll reply as she doesn't like pushy men.

Apart from that it's pretty straight forward really.
Everything not forbidden is compulsory. ^

Queenofthedrivensnow · 07/09/2018 20:08

The eyebrow comment. But you already sounds like a knob.

TheySeeMeMintRollinTheyHatin · 07/09/2018 20:23

🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/09/2018 20:36

I started thinking the OP was the same bloke who started a thread earlier this week whinging he’d been dumped because he kept ‘ribbing’ (not like that now) his (ex) GF and how she couldn’t take a joke. Although to be fair that OPdid keep coming back like a bad dose of the trots to reply to posters unlike this one.

A personal irritation is people who claim to enjoy things 99.9% of the population do, like ‘music’ and ‘food’ as if it’s some sort of niche hobby: ‘well yes, in my spare time I like having a head, growing my own nails and breathing.’ Hmm Be a bit more specific - lists are dull.

BlancheM · 07/09/2018 20:38

He's updated on NMs. He's flounced from here 😂

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/09/2018 20:40

Yeah that’s unsurprising, NMs has been like the tea cups ride for him compared to here 😂

BlancheM · 07/09/2018 20:43

I think I hate him. Whereas he's probably got a few inboxes over there wanting to take him up on his demands

Claw001 · 07/09/2018 20:45

Oh what’s the update on NM’s?

NormaNameChange · 07/09/2018 20:48

Oh dear.. there cant be more than one guy using the "river date" surely ???? Fuck! I even get the Chas and Dave reference Confused the dog thing tho... woah!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/09/2018 20:54

@Claw001 basically he confirms everything we guessed about him from his OP, insisting the submissive thing isn’t sexual but basically she’ll be expected to back down and agree with him to not rock the boat Hmm

Baumederose · 07/09/2018 20:55

David D(128)said:Today20:13

I'd like to thank but clarify.

Thankyou to all of you. I also put this on Mumsnet but got so much vitriol I deleted my whole profile so to clarify:
Submissive does not have a sexual meaning it just means I don't want to constantly argue.
Non pc just means I'm a simple working man and call a spade a spade.
As for being controlling I am not. I was a survivor of domestic abuse in my marriage of many years ago so naturally I am looking out for that. FWIW my ex Dp was and remains supportive and my best friend.
We split up because of my issues caused by that.
I am looking for someone to hold, love and grow together with.
I am not looking for a hook up at all. Have fun together means go out to places, trips, maybe even camping. To find out if we'd be compatible
I've got 4 children, I'm 43. How on earth would I just be looking for casual sex. It is not how I was brought up at all.
I just want love, cuddles and companionship . Sex would be a very small part of that it is not my objective with this.
Mostly you've all been very kind and I will take it all on board and post an edited version for you to help me with on Sunday.
If that's ok of course.

AnyFucker · 07/09/2018 20:57

Loooozzzerrr.

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