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Constructive critique of a man's dating profile please.

462 replies

LondonDecorator · 06/09/2018 23:34

If it helps I'm 43.
I've been told by my ex-partner (we're still friends) to find out what women would like to see in a dating profile. We've been separated for two years but are very communicative and co-operative for the children because we both think they come first. Parents at war with each other are not acting in their kids best interests we believe that children are blessings not weapons.

I can kind of understand why women would be put off or threatened by that but having been at war with the children used as weapons by my ex-wife before this is by far the better way for us as parents to conduct ourselves.

So I'm looking for advice because honesty doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I've pasted my profile below and cannot stress enough that I'm not looking for a hook up here which is why I've left out the name of the site I'm on.

Feel free to edit or comment. I am looking for constructive criticism and advice not petty childish insults and abuse which seems to be the way the internet is, present company accepted. Hopefully I'm not committing romantic suicide here.

Well here goes:
*Welcome to the most honest profile you'll ever read!

I prefer messages to likes but if we have a mutual like I'll message you.

So here goes me....
I am sociable outgoing man with many varied interests who values honesty, loyalty, passion, affection and intelligence in a woman.

If you like Chas n Dave and you want to be my London Girl read on.

I'm self employed as a Decorator/ Builder. Theatre as opposed to cinema mostly, I like music, (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Metal & Classical) , dancing, food, cooking, pubs, beer, gigs, books, vintage writing instruments (fountain pens), writing, wine, cycling, museums, galleries, camping, and deep sea fishing. I also like to sing at open mic nights and occasionally Karaoke.

I'm looking for a lady who is affectionate, broadminded, passionate/ adventurous, submissive but my equal too, warmhearted, into country walks, nature plus days by the Seaside as well as all of the above who doesn't mind letting her man take the lead. A woman who considers reading together to be a romantic activity because reading is really important. Gsoh+++

A supportive sexually compatible lover and long term or life partner who is not only good for my heart but also for my soul but in the meantime let's have some fun whilst we find out if we're compatible.

Also you must like children because mine will always come first for me as yours should for you.

I plan to go travelling around Europe next year. Maybe we could both go together.

You won't change me so don't try to just love me for who I am and I'll evolve at my own pace with you.

I like dogs and dogs like me but don't have one only because I have a weird sick reflex to * from childhood, many boots have been thrown out.
I have had cats before though and would happily have one again cats are cool.

I like Marmite, Steak, Italian, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Mexican and Nando's. I'm also thinking of becoming a vegetarian except for the fish of course.

Our first meeting will be for drinks somewhere along the river it runs right through London so it's convenient for everyone. The first date will be different, a bit more off the wall, more interesting.

I'd also like to date a woman who has her own eyebrows if possible not someone who shaves them all off only to draw them back on again. I don't get it I never will.
Also those cheap tacky big hoop earrings are a massive turnoff for me.

Finally I am totally non PC and not permanently offended .*

OP posts:
Claw001 · 07/09/2018 12:44

Gertcha!

Storm4star · 07/09/2018 12:44

Grin Grin

Whenever I hear Chas n Dave now (not that I do very often) I will always think of OP!

Claw001 · 07/09/2018 12:46

Sling your hook

Grin Its tickled me!

PolkaDoting · 07/09/2018 13:06

I like Chaz and Dave!

Vitalogy · 07/09/2018 14:02

It's all about what you want, not what you can offer someone else. Exactly.

ZenNudist · 07/09/2018 14:07

This tickled me. Sad he didn't come back Grin

Alicatz66 · 07/09/2018 14:14

That's terrible .. too long.. contradictory... arrogant .. not funny ..

dragonflyflew · 07/09/2018 14:19

*Claw001

Gertcha!*

I'm reading this sat on the toilet (sorry tmi) and just burst out laughing!

dragonflyflew · 07/09/2018 14:24

Jesus. Just read the nethuns responses. They really don't like MNer types do they?!

itbemay · 07/09/2018 14:25
Shock
Huskylover1 · 07/09/2018 14:26

Sent shivers down my spine, to be honest.

Controlling, bossy, sexually dominant (might not take no for an answer), into weird shit (pens?), overly friendly with Ex, has children to 2 women, likes camping and cycling, probably over indulges his many offspring, who you will have to adore. Uugh. No. And WTF is this shite about Chas n Dave? I'm just imagining a very bossy version of Del Boy.

Pressuredrip · 07/09/2018 14:33

I'm sorry but this genuinely made my skin crawl. I was thinking 'cringe'. Someone who asks for an intelligent woman whilst not being that bright yourself. It's patronising, the misuse of capitals are annoying. My cringe turned to anger at submissive. It just got worse from there.

McFugget · 07/09/2018 14:34

How about posting the pix you plan to use on your dating profile OP? We can give you our opinions on those too. Smile

Storm4star · 07/09/2018 14:37

I'm just imagining a very bossy version of Del Boy

This made me laugh out loud! What an image.

Huskylover1 · 07/09/2018 14:43

Sounds like there are loads of kids too. What with all the kids, all the Exes, all the hobbies....there is no time for a GF.

sexnotgender · 07/09/2018 14:49

Wow, I’m sorry OP I wouldn’t get halfway through that before I deleted your profile.

There’s zero chance I’d be interested from that monstrosity.

I met my husband online and he and I both had quite simple profiles.

sexnotgender · 07/09/2018 14:50

Anyone else thinking sweaty overweight middle aged guy?

Harleypuppy · 07/09/2018 14:50

I wasn't keen after reading 'broad minded' , to me that is kinky rubber/anal sex fetish and 'submissive '. I'm just too vanilla for you. 'Non PC' also makes me think you may be Jim Davidson. Again, not a compliment.
I think if you want a sub, you should put this on a specific kind of dating site.

Harleypuppy · 07/09/2018 14:54

I feel cheated that it on Netmums too. Can't stay in an exclusive, faithful relationship huh op?

merville · 07/09/2018 15:00

The river Thames runs through London - well fk me sideways, I never knew that. This guy would seriously hedgamacate you.

Submissive but equal too - anybody's brain go huh at that? The very concept of submissive means not acting equal.

Chas and Dave - fk. That's the sort of shit I'd pay to not hear played.

Also thanks for telling me how I should feel about and behave towards my own children, having never met me.

merville · 07/09/2018 15:02

Also the sheer length and amount t of info about himself comes across as narcissistic, likes sound of own voice too much, no space for yours etc

Padparadscha · 07/09/2018 15:08

Boris Johnson’s wife has kicked him out, now this turns up on here. I don’t believe that is a coincidence.

Andtheresaw · 07/09/2018 15:14

50 Shades of elderly decorator?
Hmmm.

Self absorbed creature of habit seeks submissive fuckbuddy who dresses and does make up to his taste and has the money and annual leave available for a few city-breaks in Europe next year.

topsy2tails · 07/09/2018 15:21

@Padparadscha GrinGrinGrin

rudeycrudey · 07/09/2018 15:24

You sound like a controlling, self-obsessed, patronising bastard.