Online profile cliches - share!

[Goldilocks3Bears]

Other than the many many many pictures of men in cycling gear and holding fish, some of the profile cliches are just insane 😂

“Don’t take life too seriously” - ok, this is a rehearsal then?!

“Looking for a partner in crime” - what does that even mean?

“School of life” - unless you’re Oprah, nope.

"Yummy mummy"
"My kids don't need a dad, they have one already"
"You must be over 6ft"
"My kids are my world"
Pouting duck faces
Stupid filters giving yourself dog noses or ears or angels flying around you

We cringe at the fish pics but the other end of the scale is the guys who have a whole portfolio of hi-res professional model shots (only acceptable if you are a model and few are).

@TwentySmackeroos
If you can - you screenshot all photo's and the profile and you let the poor woman know that her DH is a fuckwit!

50 YO men with earrings
50 YO men with gold necklaces
50 YO men in baseball caps
Holding a big fish
Standing next to a poor subdued large cat
Guys who can't even be asked to put anything on their profile, just pics. How fucking arrogant are you?
Topless pics in bed
Pics in pants
Neck tattoos (for me anyway)
I wanna find my princess
Loads of pics and they aren't smiling in one of them (bad teeth eh!?? or are you just miserable all the time?)
Loads of pics but all in sunglasses (bad eyes eh!??)
Various pics in a lift - in different outfits (WTF?)
Pic standing by expensive cars
Loads of pics but all of your mid-life crisis!!
Men in full lycra, cycling (or running)
Pics with other women in them!?
Pics of them topless trying to show off their 'fabulous' bodies.
Holding a shotgun
When they put something about smearing your lipstick and ruining your mascara
Bad spelling.

Flippin' 'eck, is it any wonder I haven't swiped right in a very long time - LOL

Some man who expressed interest back in the day put a whole list of demands to his “future wife” to support him and his busy career. Some of them were about looks and fitness..... his profile picture was him sat in a camping chair with a cricket hat on looking fat af.

My kids don't need a dad, they have one already

I would definitely say this as a single mother. I think it’s straightforward and honest.

@thestoic I can see what you mean but it’s laden with other statements: I read that it means you don’t want anything serious that would bring someone into a dad-like role?

I read it like it's trying to reassure men who might be put off by kids that you're not looking for someone to take them on as such. They'd be dating/in a relationship with you.

I personally wouldn't put it on my profile though.

"fill out later"

"just ask"

Photos taken with snapchat filters - I want to date a woman, not a fawn or a puppy.

Photos with kids, or worse still photos OF their kids with no adult.

Once chatted to a guy who had too many boxes to tick. He was looking for someone "young, fit, well-educated, athletic, interesting, likes to travel, no kids, not divorced...." the list was endless and he decided to send me all this in a message after we'd been chatting for a while.

The guy himself wasn't that young, not exactly well-educated, he wasn't exactly athletic, and he turned out to be rather a dullard.

His list put me off him as we had been exchanging messages for a while and he seemed keen on me. When he sent me the list it just felt like he was after some shallow ideal of a person he had built up in his head, as if he didn't accept people me for who and how they were.

I could never work him out so i cut contact.

I read that it means you don’t want anything serious that would bring someone into a dad-like role?

Yes, that is why I would say it.

Never done OLD but used to read the Sunday Times lonely hearts ads obsessively.

Mostly old geezers wanting young fillies. But to me the saddest thing was when they said they wanted the woman to be 'size 10
/12'.

Mate, dresses come in sizes. Women don't.

I remember I had " hey cheeky" as the opening line from a few. That used to wind me up. What made them think I'm cheeky I wonder?
Another one looked quite promising, so we exchanged numbers. He immediately whatsapped me a pic of his dick with the line " bet you can't wait to snort a line off this". Blocked. Blocked. Blocked.

I did OLD several years ago before I met DH. On my profile I had a quote from a poem. It was surprising how many men wrote me (lengthy, sometimes creepy, usually bad) poetry! I always felt guilty for not replying because they had obviously put such a lot of effort in.

Worst experience was when one of the pupils I taught 5-6 years earlier messaged me. I was a newly qualified teacher when he was doing A levels so was only about 5-6 years older than him. His message said “Hello miss” followed by some pervy stuff and it was just weird!

I don't put it on my profile, but I do not swipe anyone shorter than me. I'm taller than average and dating someone shorter makes me feel very self conscious, and ime the men don't like it either!

"Love reading"

Followed by a reply when I messaged asking what books they read recently saying "??? Wanna hook up 2nite bby?"

Erm... no, actually.

Or

career listed as "healthcare professional" then when asked what they do for a living "security, I escort the mad ones to the nuthouse"

Oh right, so an ignorant lying stigmatising arse then, nope not for me. Didn't say that of course, just blocked him

Or

"I need some drama in my life and think you can bring it to me"

Why? Eastenders is on. But are you hoping for full histrionics? And why from me?!

Or

"Got any pics?"

Yes actually. On my profile. Plenty... as you saw before messaging to ask for more.

OLD is baffling

I bet this guy is beating them off with a stick...

HAHAHAHAHA

“Obviously stopping for food and drink breaks”, with the one night only ‘nawty’ woman. Who he will CONSIDER making a pen pal when he is inside. Where do I apply?

"I'm not a cunt and will respect ya" - prison guy is giving me fanny gallops already!

‘Mr Nice Guy’ automatically means he’ll be nice until you reject him.

‘No time wasters’ basically as above. Also always has a chip on their shoulder about women.

‘Enjoy cosy nights in’ He will want the first date (and every other date) to take place in your home because he is a cheapskate and just wants a shag with minimal effort.

‘Women on here don’t seem to want nice guys’. Is a dick who has been rejected many times and is bitter about it.

OH my days the jail one 😳

Oh I love that prison one! "I'm not a cunt" just knows how to sell himself!!

Don't think prison guy is anything but a boarding school toff who's been told women want a bad boy and trying out his luck while he's in halls for ONS

Probably has a few a week

Oh also ‘old fashioned values’ means he’s a sexist pig.

Don't think prison guy is anything but a boarding school toff who's been told women want a bad boy and trying out his luck while he's in halls for ONS

I cropped his pic out but I don't think he's a toff I reckon he thinks he's a bit of a lad with Danny Dyer style bants and is playing up to the bad boy thing to get his end away. It's a novel approach that's for sure!