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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to make of this?

394 replies

Saturdaynightthoughts · 01/09/2018 23:08

Received a text today after no contact from DH all day - He's been out with friends.

It states:

I'll never understand why you want me to go but I'm at the station for another 30 minutes x

Is it me or does this seem a little... weird/strange/random? No contact as I said since he left this morning and I anticipate he's probably drunk

OP posts:
sureitsgrand · 04/09/2018 08:30

Wow just rtft. Well done on being so strong. Amazing how your life can change so much in 24 hours but as you said it doesn't sound like he will be any major loss from the household. I hope your life is more peaceful without him, best of luck.

MadeForThis · 04/09/2018 08:34

Although this is a massive change for you it probably isn't quite as big a change for your dc.

They are used to him not engaging with them. He might have been in the house but he wasn't there for them. You did 100% of their care. You fed,bathed and played with them.

notapizzaeater · 04/09/2018 09:08

You're doing great because you was doing it all before anyway.

Rach000 · 04/09/2018 12:35

Yep sounds like you are doing most anyway and are doing a good job so will be better off without him in the long run. Can't believe he hasn't been asking about the kids. You must be so annoyed with him.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/09/2018 12:48

Hi OP,

I've just read the whole thread and think that although it may not feel like it yet, you have played a blinder.

Expect your skanky ex to come slithering back at some point (when his current shag kicks him out). Stay strong. You are setting your kids a wonderful example in self respect (even though they won't realise it until they're older).

He sounds like a terrible husband and an even worse father. They are better off without him (and having grown up without a father I do not say that lightly). Keep on keeping on. You're fab. Flowers

Auntpetunia2015 · 04/09/2018 16:13

I agree with everyone who says your kids won’t notice as you are their main carer. I realised that mine did nothing so actually nothing changed except the feeling in the house which became one of fun and laughter. The only thing I miss him for..decorating..I can’t gloss to save my life !

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 04/09/2018 19:18

Thank you all again for the replies.

Sorry for the delay in responding, took the DC out today and had a no electronics day. 2 out of 3 are asleep and the eldest is reading.

No contact from their father again today.

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/09/2018 19:29

Well done OP. You’re amazing

IsabellaMoltisantixx · 04/09/2018 19:54

@Saturdaynightthoughts

What kind of man can go without contact from his three kids he's lived with? Just can't understand. What a loser.
Let's hope he traps what he sows

Have the kids been asking about him at all

yetmorecrap · 04/09/2018 20:19

The other thing OP is they all come out with complete bollocks when caught up to no good. My H , one of the first things he said was 'you always hated my mother' (she was ill at the time his emotional dalliance was happening and died) . Whilst we didn't always see eye to eye, I most certainly didn't hate her and miss her. I can't believe how many just try and justify their shitty behaviour and turn it onto the partner when it's totally unwarranted in most instances.

yetmorecrap · 04/09/2018 20:23

What I don't understand is he clearly has been up to no good, he's been caught out, so why not just come round, own up , sort arrangements for kids and either accept he gas ballsed up totally or be honest and say he wants to move on anyway and sort practical stuff. Is he not that bright OP? You seem very strong and coherent and I can't quite imagine you with someone Like this

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 04/09/2018 20:39

My 4 year old asked if Daddy would be going with him tomorrow & asked if he would be home before bedtime. Eldest heard my response so think it answered any question he would have had too.
I did keep them very busy today though so hopefully kept their mind off him (I don't mean that to sound bad)

I thought he was bright, just stupid with money. Now I see he's maybe not as bright as he tried to portray.

I don't understand why even if you did hate her, why that would be an excuse Hmm
Mine told me not to contact his parents.. didn't need to. They called today to wish DC good luck for tomorrow.

OP posts:
CrabbityRabbit · 04/09/2018 20:59

What an utter shit he is.

He clearly has very little respect for you and the work you do. How fucking idiotic and self centered to think he can get away with bullshitting and insulting such an awesome woman.

IsabellaMoltisantixx · 04/09/2018 21:19

@Saturdaynightthoughts

Oh God, you sound like you are really holding up, do his parents know what's happened? Maybe he doesn't want you to contact them in fear of you revealing his shitty ways
What a prick!!

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 04/09/2018 21:23

I’m so sorry OP. Read this hoping for a better outcome. Thinking of you.

Beerincomechampagnetastes · 04/09/2018 21:28

Stay strong op Flowers you’re doing great Star

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 04/09/2018 21:34

@isabellaMoltisantixx they asked to speak to him, I said 'Sorry, he isn't staying here at the moment, you should be able to get him on his mobile' and she tried to question but I haven't told the DC yet so just said I couldn't get in to it at the moment and that the DC were waiting to talk.

OP posts:
ivegotthisyeah · 04/09/2018 22:19

This was me last year middle chd starting school found out stbexh having an affair dealt with everything alone as he was no where to been seen. Your sound strong and brave keep going for your children they've got a fabulous mummy! You'll get through this and be happier I promise GinThanks

0hT00dles · 04/09/2018 22:30

Oh op, you sound so strong. Good luck with tomorrow. Flowers

Cawfee · 04/09/2018 22:44

Good luck tomorrow. You should tell your in laws and get them to find out where he is. Tell them he’s abandoned his kids and none of you know where he is. Don’t protect him from their scorn!
He’s obviously shacked up with OW. What an arsehole

C0untDucku1a · 04/09/2018 22:44

Op oure doing amazingly well

MrsMozart · 05/09/2018 08:00

Very well done lass.

I hope today goes well.

The idiot doesn't know what he's missing and by the time he does it'll be too late for him.

Auntpetunia2015 · 05/09/2018 08:10

Fingers crossed for your little ones first day. Brew Cake for you.

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 05/09/2018 09:01

Thank you all. 1 at school, the other has a staggered start so starts in a little while.

All drama here, although still haven't heard from twatface.
My best friend thinks I'm throwing things away without even 'trying' Hmm and thinks I'm overreacting over 'just one text' whereas I figure if it was so innocent, he'd at least try to explain it and he would not have walked away as he has done.

Made worse as my time of the month is extremely late and now I'm scared, the only 2 I could have talked about it with previously are him & my Best but now I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about anything and I don't know. Probably the emotions of today but I just feel so alone

OP posts:
fuzzyfozzy · 05/09/2018 09:04

If it was so innocent, why isn't he fighting for you.
You've said a lot about the state of the relationship and he's really showing you what kind of dad he is, not sure that side of him is worth fighting for either.