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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to make of this?

394 replies

Saturdaynightthoughts · 01/09/2018 23:08

Received a text today after no contact from DH all day - He's been out with friends.

It states:

I'll never understand why you want me to go but I'm at the station for another 30 minutes x

Is it me or does this seem a little... weird/strange/random? No contact as I said since he left this morning and I anticipate he's probably drunk

OP posts:
Pinotwoman82 · 05/09/2018 09:18

Hope you are ok op Flowers

RightyHoChaps · 05/09/2018 09:24

Yeah, he should fight for you and his kids!!
That says alot OP about his attitude toward you all. Quite frankly, that's enough of an answer for you.

Your best friend should be supporting you and should see that.

Lots of hugs for you OP. Your composure during this all is very admirable Flowers

Auntpetunia2015 · 05/09/2018 09:54

What?? That’s not the reactions of a best friend! Don’t want to say this but could it be here he was carrying on with hence her reaction?

My best friends all without hesitation told me I was doing the right thing and that they would support me. Obviously they asked if I was sure and had I thought about x and y logistically and legally. But not one of them said I was wrong. I’m sure your time of the month is just late coz of the stress..if you’re in any doubt do a test to put your mind at ease. Good luck you are doing so well.

Auntpetunia2015 · 05/09/2018 09:56

Argh typos. Could it be her he was carrying on with ..that should say.

Storm4star · 05/09/2018 10:01

I just wanted to add good luck for your son's first day Smile

Re your friend. I think the issue is that it isn't "just one text". You asked him about it, he lied and then lied again from the sounds of it! And then he walked away. There was no explanation, no attempt to try to save the relationship. What does your friend suggest you do? Call him up and say "oh its ok dear, I don't care about the text, come home"? Some people prefer the ostrich approach in relationships and can't understand why other people aren't willing to gloss over things the way they are. I definitely think you're doing the right thing for you and your children.

mikeTV · 05/09/2018 10:21

Your ex is an arse

Your bf is not being helpful to you

Do a pregnancy test asap so you know one way or another, then you have time to consider your options.

SugarandVinegar · 05/09/2018 10:24

Throw all what away, he only looks after himself anyway.
Text or no text he's still a selfish twat that has worn-out his welcome.

Hope today goes well op, get yourself to the cake shop or the chocolate counter for a well deserved treat, it's the least you deserve.

Properjob · 05/09/2018 10:43

Surprised at your BF attitude, but some still think 'wives' should put up with anything. He sounds like a selfish pig and a millstone round your neck TBH. But yeah it's scary, the thought of being on your own even in the best circumstances. But enjoy today, it's a great day when a child starts school. You'll be there to see DC off!! Well done for bringing them to this stage.
You will make new friends, maybe from the new class parents. And meanwhile you have the awesome MN. Best of luck today OP. Flowers

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/09/2018 11:54

I can’t believe that response from your BF. Of course it wasn’t one text. It makes no sense as a single text. And he has no explanation.

What exactly are you throwing away?

ChilledVibes92 · 05/09/2018 13:39

OP sounds like you are well rid tbh, keep your head up you sound like a brilliant Mum!, you should treat yourself while the kids are at school 1 day, hairdressers or manicure, amazing how small things like that can cheer you up 💖

MrsMozart · 05/09/2018 15:51

Your BF is either an idiot or is having issues of her own...

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 05/09/2018 17:44

DC enjoyed their first day / day back to school. Thankfully test was negative.
No word from their father yet, not even to see how they got on today.

OP posts:
Beerincomechampagnetastes · 05/09/2018 18:02

Jesus the man is a real loser op.

What a disgrace.Flowers

rainbowstardrops · 05/09/2018 18:38

Jeez. Whatever he has or hasn't done, he should have bloody been there for his children.
Speaks volumes ......

MrsMozart · 05/09/2018 18:43

What the heck has got into the man!

Rockinmomma · 05/09/2018 19:08

Just read your thread OP, sorry you’re going through this....3 years this month for me!
You’re doing blinding, just take each day as it comes, there’ll be lots of ups and downs.
My Ex was similar with our DS before he left, never played with him, had to be nagged to put him to bed. I gotta say, he’s a better dad now though!

Original poster
Saturdaynightthoughts · 05/09/2018 19:20

I'm going to need to figure out what the tell the DC. They keep asking if he's back soon and when they can see him. I just keep saying 'I don't know but soon I'm sure' in regards to seeing him - I hope I'm right with that.

OP posts:
MrsMozart · 05/09/2018 19:29

What about telling them in a month's time, say he's working.

I know lying isn't ideal and it's a bugger he's left it to you.

Xenon888 · 05/09/2018 19:31

To be honest. And this is from first hand experience. When your partner starts to live, eat and sleep with their phone, they are up to something.
My ex started doing this and that is why they are now my EX
sorry

Wallywobbles · 05/09/2018 19:45

Just go with Daddy has decided that he isn't very happy with Mummy so he's gone to stay with someone else. I don't know who. We both still love you and I'll try and answer any questions you have but for the moment I don't know very much myself.

Would that work?

pugalugs90 · 05/09/2018 19:50

Hey OP was in the library today and saw some fantastic books about explaining all sorts of things to children. Might be worth seeking to see if they have one about parents splitting up? They're so well written and use words that little ones should understand

NotTakenUsername · 05/09/2018 19:50

I think you need to contact him very dispassionately and simply say, “The children are asking where you are and when they will next see you. What will I tell them?”

NotTakenUsername · 05/09/2018 19:51

I wouldn’t say he isn’t very happy with you. Implies you did something wrong. You did not.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 05/09/2018 19:53

Bastard isn’t he.

Please tell me there definitely no going back?

Your best friend is VERY misguided. Does she know everything or just the text?!

He doesn’t own you, speak to who the hell you like. Contact whoever you bloody well like. Wanker - telling you who you can and can’t talk to.

I think kids deserve an age appropriate version of the truth. You shouldn’t bad mouth them (Daddy is a wank badger) , but you also shouldn’t lie (Daddy is wonderful). ‘Daddy decided he didn’t want to live with Mummy anymore, so he’s going to live in another house. He will come to see you when he has sorted that out’. It will also help YOU stay firm, once you’ve told the kids. I know it’s hard, but lying is worse.

You’ve got a measure of the man now. Won’t tell you where he is, hasn’t told his parents, hadn’t even asked after his kids and now has let his 4yo down by not taking him on his first day as promised...and hasn’t even phoned him to apologise and ask how it went. Affair or no affair he’d be gone.

You’re string enough to do this 🌷

TheLastNigel · 05/09/2018 19:53

I can't believe that shit bag hasn't even asked how his kids are.