I'm in love with An evil bastard

[Crazycatlady9]

Don't even know where to start.....
Been with dp 3 years. He beats me up drags me around by my hair, picks me up by my ears ,I've had more black eyes bust lips than I can remember. Last week he pointed an airgun at me whilst I was on the dining room floor. He calls me all the names under the sun , he has humiliated me constantly ,messaged work colleagues told them I'm a nutter etc . He stormed into my works dinner and called my boss a prick etc . As we left an Indian restaurant a month ago for no reason he told about 6 male staff members that were stood there my name ,where i worked and I'm a slag so to contact me at work for sex. The best laugh is I'm here crying and destroyed because he's ended it because " he's sick of my bullshit " !!!
I was married and 4 years ago it ended fairly amicably we didn't in 15 years have the police called ever and no violance. I've had the police here about 6 times since meeting this man ! I've got no friends left as he's controlled me totally. I feel so lost 😢😢😢

You're well out of it and I sincerely hope you realise it!
Whatever happens, please never let that man darken your door again and do not make the same mistake again if a new man comes along.

Being single is great - enjoy it. Your new life starts now.

Do you have a DV worker assigned to you?
To say you 'love' him is something I cannot relate to.
If you don't have DV support then contact Womens Aid.
You need some serious help here.
After your last relationship, I would suggest you felt worthless.
This manifests as, you don't think you deserve to be happy.
Get some specialist counselling and do it fast.
You are in danger of being a murder victim here.
Do NOT become that statistic.

What makes you stay?

But she's not out of it.
Her previous marriage ended, the relationship with evil bastard is ongoing.

So obviously - God knows why--you think he has some redeeming features.
What are his good points?
"hasn't killed me yet"?

He's done one nice thing for you- ended it. Please get some help and support and grab this freedom and run with it. This is not love, this is not life. You deserve so much better. You just have to build your confidence and have some help.

You poor thing, I could not read that without replying. It may not seem it now, but the best thing that could have happened is him leaving you. This is your way out and a chance of freedom. Change the locks right now and call the police if he comes near you again. Be strong. Do you have anyone for support right now?

What do you expect anyone to say? There there, we feel sorry for you? GET OUT, GET THE POLICE INVOLVED. That's my advice.

Him leaving is the best thing ever! You know he was going to end up killing you didn't you?

I ended the marriage ,absolutly no regrets. Didn't feel worthless at all ,absolutley loved my year or so of been single. Was the least needy insecure person ever but I feel he has turned me into a nutter. OR he tells me I am constantly anyway. He genuinley thinks every single thing that goes wrong is my fault. He always has to have some crap to dine out on !!!
Needed to vent ! Thanks for reading

You've had a very lucky escape. Do not let him back in your life.

No Lynne! I don't want anyone to feel sorry for the record or say there there!
Just needed to write it down and get it off my chest!

You may think you have no friends left but i would reach out to your old friends. Don't be shy about telling them why you haven't been in touch. You may be surpirsed how many of them will understand. You need friends and family around you.

Stay safe and good luck.

Your free

Never feel worthless again, go get your friends back, get your life back and celebrate being rid of this animal.

I stay because the thought of him with his arms around someone else destroys me.

My dd was with an evil bastard. The two of them together was toxic.
She would NEVER listen. If I'm totally honest they were both as bad as each other at times.
He murdered her, in horrific circumstances which I won't go into.
Please reach out to someone, before it too late.

It doesn't destroy you 'though. The idea hurts, sure, but you'd get over it.

This isn't love, you're in his thrall and it's traumatic bonding that you feel. You absolutely will survive splitting up with him. You may not survive staying with him.

I'm really sorry to hear that p.p that's awful.
I know what I need to do and i know what advice i would give to someone else.
My head is complete mush.
Once or twice I've retaliated and hit him back and that's all we hear about .
We went away 7 months ago and he left me sat at a table that HE was chatting to 3 guys with. Said I'm a nasty abusive cow I left ! I sat there in disbelief ,one of these guys asked if I was ok as i started getting upset , he put his hand on mine as it was shaking , he walked back in bar started massive fight ,dragged me off barstool by my hair. Police were called, he apparently went to hit police so they beat him up quite badly .broke his ribs and he had punctured lung. He 100 percent blames me for all of this and there's not a day gone by that he doesnt start a fight, call me names or decide it's over because " he can't forgive me ".
I have never cheated on him, flirted or anything EVER.

It's not love.
You have become emotionally dependent on this man because he has whittled away your self-esteem and self-worth.

He'll be back, OP. The question is will you let him?

Crazy, of course you haven't done anything wrong; cheating, flirting etc. None of his behaviour is about you, it is about him.

Thank goodness he has gone. You are free again. Please get some advice from Women's Aid, your GP etc. Get some counselling and start healing physically and emotionally.

What will it take for you to realise this man is a nasty evil cunt? Will it be in your coffin when your dead?

Been there (violence not as bad) felt the same couldn't bear the thought of him with someone else. Couldn't be without him, couldn't be without the abuse.
I had to leave eventually as I had children and it was him or them. He threatened to kill me (on voicemail) and my friends made me take the phone to the police who got an injunction on him.
Then he got with an old school friend. I was insanely jealous but had space to move on slowly. Then found out he was in prison for assaulting her.
I spend three years single, re-developing the friendships I had lost, having fun, discovering myself and imperceptibly it built me up. Now been in a loving relationship for three years. I'm not gonna lie I have baggage from this, maybe triggered issues from before but I see it as a learning experience. I shudder to think I ever let his abusive hands touch me - it makes me sick but that's because I have some self esteem now. Obviously was lacking seriously then.
That's what you need to do. Get an injunction on him so you have space. Don't expect to feel ok about it - it's like you're grieving and slowly without you noticing you will get stronger. I went to doctors and got on self esteem courses, opened up to my friends who had far more understanding/own experiences than I could ever have realised. Otherwise you'll end up dead. Or almost dead.

He's also not going anywhere him 'dumping' you is just another way to make you suffer. He needs someone to overpower and abuse. That's all you are to him and him to you so you need to be strong and make the permanent break. It's hard but worthwhile things in life are just that. You'll feel a tremendous sense of achievement for it I promise

He's a nasty evil cunt that knows exactly which buttons to press.
He tells my family etc that he's tried to end it but I won't accept it etc ! Then he's the one ringing me or telling me he loves me etc.
Last Thursday when he had gun to my head he's screaming at me to accept its over and not come round . I actually had the text he had sent me 2 hours earlier telling me he loved me and what did in want for tea. He spent first hour or so holding my hand talking about our future etc ,then absolutly fucking flips.

Thankyou drifter. I know you're right.