I'm in love with An evil bastard

[Crazycatlady9]

Don't even know where to start.....
Been with dp 3 years. He beats me up drags me around by my hair, picks me up by my ears ,I've had more black eyes bust lips than I can remember. Last week he pointed an airgun at me whilst I was on the dining room floor. He calls me all the names under the sun , he has humiliated me constantly ,messaged work colleagues told them I'm a nutter etc . He stormed into my works dinner and called my boss a prick etc . As we left an Indian restaurant a month ago for no reason he told about 6 male staff members that were stood there my name ,where i worked and I'm a slag so to contact me at work for sex. The best laugh is I'm here crying and destroyed because he's ended it because " he's sick of my bullshit " !!!
I was married and 4 years ago it ended fairly amicably we didn't in 15 years have the police called ever and no violance. I've had the police here about 6 times since meeting this man ! I've got no friends left as he's controlled me totally. I feel so lost 😢😢😢

He's been Gaslighting you love.
Look up terms like Gaslighting, lovebombing, traumatic bonding.

Once you start to make sense of the Tactics he's used on you, you'll be able to see this relationship for what it really is.
At the moment you can't see the woods for the trees as he's done a number on you.
Spent some time looking up abusive tactics.
But please call the police. The most dangerous time is when an abusive relationship is over. Once he realises you've taken him at his word, he'll escalate.

These violent bastards are good at what they do, they fuck with every bit of you - your head, your self confidence and self esteem, your integrity, your values, your boundaries, your family and friends - they smash everything to bits and leave you turned upside down and inside out. Any abuse causes trauma and you are traumatised, please use all the resources available to heal, I am a survivor of domestic abuse and witnessed it growing up too, don’t underestimate the effects OP and don’t bury the feelings, I hope you find peace, male to female violence is at epic proportions and nobody in ‘power’ wants to face it, if it were female to male violence of the same scale the government would be moving heaven and earth. Protect yourself and good luck xx

User- completely agree with you.
Male Violence is at epidemic proportions. No one names it though, not in the media, not in day to day conversations, not men themselves.

Thankyou all for your advice / kind words . I can promise you in 3 years I've never felt like I do today.
Just been able to chat ( albeit anonymously) I have actually realised how bloody bad it's become.

It goes unrecognised Mayday which is devastating, depressing and frightening for how women are viewed in our society. Every day there are numerous press reports of attacks on women, so many of them by partners and an alarming number being fatal, yet not one sodding politician has the guts to demand this is given urgent attention, shame on all of them

Have you told your brother? Show him and other friends this thread perhaps? And please log with the police now. Who knows what he will do now he's blocked and can't get your attention. Good job for blocking him and listening I really very much hope you are. Please contact your brother now.

user764329056 and Mayday01 is this the case? That male to female violence is now at epic proportions? Is this in UK or global?

I'm ob a bit naive or stupid but why the hell do they do it??
He HAD a good woman that adored him beyond belief, would never cheat. I work full time, always paid my way . I bloody loved him !
Why can't people just be normal

User- I used to work in a service that was funded solely due to male violence against women.
The management would swear blind that there wasn't an issue and that men suffer DV in the same amounts as women but keep it quiet stiff upper lip sorts. And you could see they believed it, despite the fact that each and every one of us was there funded because of that specific issue
Sorry to derail thread.
OP- please keep the thread going for yourself while you go through this. People will be here to support you.

You need to tell the police he has a firearm. Considering he has a restraining order against him it seems unlikely he'd have a license. Depending where you are it may be a mandatory prison sentence.

Why do they do it? Because they can. No one is normal but there may be a myriad of reasons. In my case my ex had bipolar; Whig he didn't treat properly, and lots of issues of neglect from his mother. No father around. He witnessed his step father beating his mum; she had bpd and is an alcoholic (although he said I had both those things so who knows?); he was sexually groomed and assaulted as a child. He wasn't looked after and felt impotent and in a manic moment or a depressed moment or any moment where he felt threatened (I'm a cheat like his mum, I am a liar etc ) he lashed out. He was violent to me but the words, the slander, me sorry for him whilst living in fear and believing that no one would ever love me like he did; my friends were all selfish losers so am I etc were the worst. I'm still overreacting in this relationship as I can argue well and viciously so it's damaged me and the whole skin crawling gross affair lasted three years, just like yours has. Then he got with an old friend and nearly killed her. Can you imagine I was jealous when I found out? He contacted me to see if we had another chance! I tried to warn her but was too scared. Then he found out I'd kissed someone once and drove 200 miles to kill me, he was drunk and thankfully didn't make it or kill anyone else. I told my friend who I thought was a complete bitch. She threatened me with tell the police now or you're putting your children, your dad, your friends st risk and she would tell otherwise. I hated her but it started a process for which I'm eternally grateful. I'd be dead in spirit if not in body had she not done that.

Has your case ever gone to MARAC op?

I’m Glad you’ve blocked him but please keep it that way, I work in a similar area to this and have many unhappy stories. Would you consider a restraining order/injunction against him?

I would contact the police and advise them of the situation, especially about him having access to a firearm(!) along with your GP and women’s aid so any protective factors (like those already mentioned by other posters) can be put into place. It would be worth looking up the Freedom program in your area as well.

Good luck OP and stay as safe as you possibly can

Please let us know you're ok.

Yes am ok. Thankyou.

Hi op, so sorry for all that you have been through.l. He sounds vile! Please stay strong and do not let him back into your life ever again! We have one life, please don't let him waste yours. You deserve so much better!

He sounds seriously capable of killing you and you sound like you have disassociated from the horror of it and won't save yourself. Not sure what to say

Am genuinely scared for you and recognise some of his traits in the bastard I’ve ended it with AGAIN. For my own sanity I am determined to break free and not return. He wasn’t violent but he was emotionally and mentally extremely abusive. We are toxic together. I am a different person when not with him. I’m happy and confident and much more my real self. Around him I’m needy, anxious and desperate. Please get out of this x

Please tell family and friends what he is really like. You will need a support network that really understands what’s happening. Please phone the police and give them the heads up. He WILL try his damndest to retain his control over you. A restraining order is a fab idea.

The only concern I have with blocking him on everything is you won't see any potentially escalating threatening messages that he may have sent.
Definitely log your concerns with the police, he sounds very dangerous and I'm worried for you.

I am in tears for you. Please, please get this man completely out of your life. You are worth so much more, you do not deserve any of his evil twisted behaviour. He needs locking up.

Hi there op. I feel so bad for you.
He does not deserve you at all. You poor love going through all that. I'm so sorry he has hurt you.

Are you from the uk? If you are please contact women's aid. They will be able to assist you and help you on what to next.

I would also consider logging with the police that you've split up with a violent man who had a restraining order previously and you are worried he may turn up again. Please call them on 101 fpr advice.

I would also google why does he do that by lundy bancroft. If you type pdf free after it then you can download a free copy. It can also list details of distinct type of abusers. You may not be surprised to find your abuser on there.

I would also sign up for the freedom programme. You can find out if there is one in your area or you can do it online. I've seen it mentioned time and time again on these threads and it seems to help someone who has experienced abuse.

Please tell family and friends the truth. Don't hide his dirty secret anymore. If you can get any real life support the better.

Lastly please keep using the thread. You can get some amazing advice on here. People can be harsh but most want to help. A lot of women on here have been where you are now and can help you. Sometimes when it's written down there in front of you then you can't down play it anymore. Plus it will help to get clarity. Good luck to you!

Hey op are you ok?