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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm in love with An evil bastard

123 replies

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 15:56

Don't even know where to start.....
Been with dp 3 years. He beats me up drags me around by my hair, picks me up by my ears ,I've had more black eyes bust lips than I can remember. Last week he pointed an airgun at me whilst I was on the dining room floor. He calls me all the names under the sun , he has humiliated me constantly ,messaged work colleagues told them I'm a nutter etc . He stormed into my works dinner and called my boss a prick etc . As we left an Indian restaurant a month ago for no reason he told about 6 male staff members that were stood there my name ,where i worked and I'm a slag so to contact me at work for sex. The best laugh is I'm here crying and destroyed because he's ended it because " he's sick of my bullshit " !!!
I was married and 4 years ago it ended fairly amicably we didn't in 15 years have the police called ever and no violance. I've had the police here about 6 times since meeting this man ! I've got no friends left as he's controlled me totally. I feel so lost 😢😢😢

OP posts:

WombOfOnesOwn · 30/08/2018 17:01

He's going to kill you, OP. This is how my childhood best friend died. Leave, and go somewhere he doesn't know exists.

SandyY2K · 30/08/2018 17:02

You need help. You need a lot of exploration through therapy to get to the root of why you have such little self respect and self worth, that you would be in a relationship with someone who treats you this way.

Unless you get help, you'll continue to be the target of abusive men.

It starts with you

Cloudyapples · 30/08/2018 17:02

Please block his number. Do you live together? If so leave if not change your locks so he can’t get in your house. You don’t need us to tell you this man is bad news, you need to get out now while he is giving you the chance. Do not go back.

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 17:08

No we don't live together .
I have never been in an abusive relationship before and i am in my mid 40s. This wanker is just very good at what he does.

OP posts:

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 30/08/2018 17:09

He's fucked in the head. You should be pitying the next woman he meets, not feeling jealous. By the way, I think he's likely to come back and him ending it is just a means of control. You're the only one who has the power to not let him back.

expatinspain · 30/08/2018 17:10

You're not in love with him, there's nothing to love. Your relationship is a toxic mess. He's done a number on you and headfucked
you into thinking you can't be without him by controlling you and breaking you down and making you feel worthless.

You have to get away from him and make sure he can't contact you and you can never
contact him again. This is only going to properly end one way and that's with you being seriously hurt or killed.

LouHotel · 30/08/2018 17:11

OP you dont live together and you have no ties through children.

He is physically abusing and trying to ruin your reputation with friends, family and complete strangers.

What level of 'love' are you getting from this relationship that overrides the above?

chocolatelover9 · 30/08/2018 17:14

You need to get out of this relationship and don't look back!! Go to women's aid and they can put you in a woman refuge where he doesn't know where you are. Please get help before it's too late.
You deserve better than him, someone who will look after you, treat you right unlike this prick!! 💐

Cawfee · 30/08/2018 17:21

There’s something wrong with him OP and you can’t fix him. Get out before he kills you

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 17:23

Thankyou. I feel better just for writing all this crap down . Just reading it back to myself I'm thinking w.t.f !!!!
Best laugh is on the few occasions I've taken photos or written down stuff he takes my phone and deleted it.
Every time I've retaliated or been upset he films me secretly and keeps it. He decides if he's told me to fuck off out of his property and I'm in disbelief as 10 mins earlier we planning a big holiday or something I upset in my car on his drive and he films himself telling me to leave and he is about to ring police if I don't leave now .
ABSOLUTE FUCKING NUTTER

OP posts:

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 17:29

If fact he did ring the police on me as a year ago he went to grab my hand in a nasty way ,,( it was broken he had stamped on it the week before) so I lashed out with my arm and broke his tooth .complete accident and self defence and he rang police and reported me. I have never reported anything he done . That was the last time I even bothered trying to defend myself.

OP posts:

Cornish4 · 30/08/2018 17:49

I'm sorry to say but this man doesn't have any respect for you and by staying allowing him to continue to treat you this way you are accepting his behaviour.
This isn't love, you will be so much better off without this in your life. Even if he doesn't show you any respect you can respect yourself and know your worth. you don't deserve this nobody does.

category12 · 30/08/2018 17:51

So what are you going to do now?

subspace · 30/08/2018 18:07

Flipping heck. That's horrible reading.

Please get in touch with a domestic violence charity straight away. Your life is in serious danger.

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 18:14

I'm going to order a Chinese. Lock the door. Pour a glass of wine then look forward to watching, eating and doing wtf I like for rest of my life . Ooh and if I'm really daring I'll go to bed whenever I like . ( if the cunt decides we tired at 8.30 we go to bed at 8.30. )
MISERABLE BORING OLD BASTARD HE IS.

OP posts:

ISpeakJive · 30/08/2018 18:22

OP, if you stay with this fucker, he will kill you.

stubble · 30/08/2018 18:30

What a waste.

FissionChips · 30/08/2018 18:33

What awful reading, he’s truly horrible.

I hope you find the strength to leave him one day.

category12 · 30/08/2018 18:35

Sounds like a start, OP.

What happens when he tries to get you back? Ready to block him? Ready to call the police if he makes a nuisance of himself at your door?

Verbena87 · 30/08/2018 18:35

Two commenters here know women who’ve died in this kind of situation, from my reading. That’s all you need to know.

Do change your locks and block his number/email, and do not have any further contact. He sounds utterly toxic and dangerous.

MellowMelly · 30/08/2018 18:36

Yes he is definitely one to stay away from! These men are like drugs, we get addicted to them. The lows are awful and then they’re nice and we get the rush and it goes round and round in circles.

And this comment you made...

‘I stay because the thought of him with his arms around someone else destroys me’

I know exactly what you mean and I felt that way too about my ex even though he was an evil bastard. But the reality is it’s those arms that are destroying you.

RabbitsAreTasty · 30/08/2018 18:36

How quickly can you move house to far far away?

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 18:43

I own my apartment and i will not be moving anywhere catagorically. He will never dictate to me where I live or work etc.
Yes I am willing to call police if he makes s nuicence of himself. The reality is tho he won't come round for the simple reason his head is that far up his own arse he genuinley thinks he's in the right. He never apologises ever. That's how arrogant and warped he actually is.

OP posts:

disconnecteddrifter · 30/08/2018 18:56

Could you go to the police station tomorrow? I'm worried as I have been there. You're resolve is high now but soon you'll start feeling vulnerable and minimise it and you'll let him back.
It's Truely disgusting what he has done. Also tell your friends now whilst your resolve is high - it's harder to go back when you are accountable. One thing I felt pretty much immediately was relief - the slander and threats of damaging my reputation hurt more than the violence and it destroyed a part of me. But once that was out of my life my body physically relaxed.

disconnecteddrifter · 30/08/2018 18:57

And I understand why you don't want to move but really consider it - have a fresh start. Can you go on holiday for a few days/visit friends.

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