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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I'm in love with An evil bastard

123 replies

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 15:56

Don't even know where to start.....
Been with dp 3 years. He beats me up drags me around by my hair, picks me up by my ears ,I've had more black eyes bust lips than I can remember. Last week he pointed an airgun at me whilst I was on the dining room floor. He calls me all the names under the sun , he has humiliated me constantly ,messaged work colleagues told them I'm a nutter etc . He stormed into my works dinner and called my boss a prick etc . As we left an Indian restaurant a month ago for no reason he told about 6 male staff members that were stood there my name ,where i worked and I'm a slag so to contact me at work for sex. The best laugh is I'm here crying and destroyed because he's ended it because " he's sick of my bullshit " !!!
I was married and 4 years ago it ended fairly amicably we didn't in 15 years have the police called ever and no violance. I've had the police here about 6 times since meeting this man ! I've got no friends left as he's controlled me totally. I feel so lost 😢😢😢

OP posts:

TwistedStitch · 30/08/2018 18:58

Do you have children? This is very upsetting to read, he will end up killing you. Can you reach out to Women's Aid for some advice and support? I also think you need to report his violence to the police and make it clear you are very concerned for your safety.

mooncuplanding · 30/08/2018 19:04

I’d put money on him trying to come back at some point...you better prepare yourself

You might say you love him but he most definitely doesn’t love you, doesn’t even know the meaning of it.

These men are pitiful. He’ll never know the feeling of love and genuine connection and care.

You have the chance of freedom but are you going to take it?

My feeling is you won’t, for whatever reason you haven’t so far despite him assaulting you regularly.

stubble · 30/08/2018 19:11

I’m prepared to have my arse handed to me for apparent victim-blaming, however...

For fucks sake woman, literally the only thing keeping you in this destructive place is what’s going on in your head! You’re not (yet) being controlled financially. You don’t have kids together and please god never shall. You don’t share a home. But you keep allowing him in your life because the thought of him with another woman destroys you? Get a grip. HE is destroying you and YOU are actively encouraging it. Shape up woman.

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 19:16

I am not going to have him back. He has completely fucked it all up. Wether he believes it or not. I cannot and will not lead the rest of my life been told what time to go to bed , the latest incident 2 days ago was because i had polish on my toes. ( something I have done constantly since we met) but the colour was for slags ! I'd had it done when we wernt talking so I could go on the pull apparently!!!
If only all it took was nice painted toenails hey🙄🙄

OP posts:

ParkheadParadise · 30/08/2018 19:17

You have the chance of freedom but are you going to take it?

My feeling is you won’t, for whatever reason you haven’t so far despite him assaulting you regularly

Sadly I agree

stubble · 30/08/2018 19:18

You’re still talking about specific details and giving examples of his unreasonableness. You seem blind to the fact that all this became irrelevant the second he raised his voice let alone his fist to you.

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 19:18

Fair play stubble ! I would tell anyone the same ! Your 100 percent right.

OP posts:

FissionChips · 30/08/2018 19:21

You sound traumatised. Please speak to your doctor or women’s aid.

mooncuplanding · 30/08/2018 19:24

It is not victim blaming to say that ultimately you are responsible for your own safety

You can’t blame everyone else, surely?

I remember a friend of mine saying to me when I got out of an abusive relationship, ‘now you’ve got to work out why you let that happen’

I was furious at the time, but they were the best and most correct words I needed at the same time

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 19:24

I feel very differently this time. AND it's a very different ballgame someone shouting at you or arguing than someone attacking you. He didn't just attack me on our first few months together he was very loving affectionate etc. I am aware a while down the line its all in his game plan.
As for writing it down I've never even told anyone before so it feels quite like a weights been lifted just writing it and seeing it in black and white.

OP posts:

disconnecteddrifter · 30/08/2018 19:25

You really need to go to the police and your doctors emergency appointment tomorrow. Don't think of having to do anything else but just do this for yourself.

disconnecteddrifter · 30/08/2018 19:27

That's the thing that started my freedom. Doctor prescribed me diazepam to stop anxiety and obsessive thinking of him. Told friends they stayed with me the night and police put injunction on him. It gave me space, which you need

NotTheFordType · 30/08/2018 19:29

OP, please look up "traumatic bonding". He has played this on you to a T.

I think that once you have understood that he doesn't love you and never has, you will feel free to move on.

Make sure you've blocked his calls and emails, removed social media, any mutual friends or family etc.

What is your family situation? Can you explain to them what's been going on, so they can help you stay strong when he starts playing the "I love you, you've broken me, it's your fault but I'm prepared to forgive you" script?

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 19:31

It is my fault I let it carry on yes. But it's more his fault for doing it in first place.
I absolutly despise that vile wanker .

OP posts:

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 19:39

My brother hates him ! But he doesnt know the extent he just thinks he's a childish knob.
He has just texted to say he is fuckec as a result of been hit by police and he will never forgive me.
I don't even think that's a tactic . He genuinley believes it's all my fault.

OP posts:

JellieEllie · 30/08/2018 19:39

Everyone has said pretty much what should be happening here.
Leave and never look back. He will kill you.
A part of me thinks you won't leave him though and this will end very badly.

JellieEllie · 30/08/2018 19:40

Do you respond to his messages at all ?
Even if you are responding by telling him to fuck off or leave you alone, he still has your attention which is exactly what he wants. He's a full blown psychopath by the sounds of it.

WhatAPandemonium · 30/08/2018 19:41

Wow, this is such a sad thread.

I can't believe you feel anything other than absolute contempt for him. The fact it drives you crazy, the thought of him with some other poor woman, why?

If I were you, I'd be popping the champagne corks and celebrating the fact that he was out of my life and I never had to suffer another beating.

Original poster

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 19:48

No not responded to messages.
I am going to get over him and this and come back stronger than ever. I used to be the strongest person around. I would have had no time or respect for " me" if it have been reading this 3 years ago.
He is very very cleaver and manipulative.

No more it stops here.

OP posts:

yesornoworld · 30/08/2018 19:53

Seems very similar to Stockholm syndrome. Where there feels a sense of loyalty and commitment regardless of the injustice of the matter.

DianaT1969 · 30/08/2018 19:57

OP you are writing this stuff like it's a game. Like there will be a victor. There isn't. You can call him one-hundred vile names, but you stayed with him.
You are minimising your complicity in all this. At some point, very early on, you should have walked away. Not walked. RAN.
Instead, you are still giving him headspace and waiting for the next round of drama and point-scoring.
You are the loser OP. Not him. He got some warped satisfaction out of all this. What did you get? Almost killed?

Whatever happens, he stole your time and took up space in your life. Pushed others out. You endangered yourself.
I hope there are no children in your home.
I'm definitely not victim blaming, but you need to give your head a wobble.

It is my fault I let it carry on yes. But it's more his fault for doing it in first place.
Only you can stop putting yourself in this position. You didn't stop. Do it now.

mooncuplanding · 30/08/2018 20:04

So you’ve not blocked him then?

RyderWhiteSwan · 30/08/2018 20:07

As soon as I read the 'ex' had texted, my heart sank. Not blocked. OP will have him back.

mooncuplanding · 30/08/2018 20:08

He’s not clever btw. He’s a psycho thug who beats up people he ‘loves’

It’s not a clever strategy long term, in fact it’s really really stupid. He is inches away from being thrown in prison. There’s literally nothing clever about him.

I want to say now, unless there is someone stupid enough to fall for it however that sounds horrendous and I don’t want to insult you, but you have to ask yourself what on earth you are doing?

Aridane · 30/08/2018 20:11

This is one me of the saddest sickest threads I’ve read on mumsnet

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