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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm in love with An evil bastard

123 replies

Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 15:56

Don't even know where to start.....
Been with dp 3 years. He beats me up drags me around by my hair, picks me up by my ears ,I've had more black eyes bust lips than I can remember. Last week he pointed an airgun at me whilst I was on the dining room floor. He calls me all the names under the sun , he has humiliated me constantly ,messaged work colleagues told them I'm a nutter etc . He stormed into my works dinner and called my boss a prick etc . As we left an Indian restaurant a month ago for no reason he told about 6 male staff members that were stood there my name ,where i worked and I'm a slag so to contact me at work for sex. The best laugh is I'm here crying and destroyed because he's ended it because " he's sick of my bullshit " !!!
I was married and 4 years ago it ended fairly amicably we didn't in 15 years have the police called ever and no violance. I've had the police here about 6 times since meeting this man ! I've got no friends left as he's controlled me totally. I feel so lost 😢😢😢

OP posts:
0range99 · 30/08/2018 20:11

OP block him. Please. Otherwise he will worm his way back again. And this time he could kill you. You deserve better.

Ginger1982 · 30/08/2018 20:12

Block his number now.
Do not engage with him.
Phone the police if he comes to your home.
Get some self respect back.

user1457017537 · 30/08/2018 20:14

Well done to the police I would like to congratulate the officers involved.

Original poster
Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 20:14

He is now blocked on my phone. I had blocked him on wotsapp etc.
He just doesn't normally do " normal " text always wotsapp.

And I've not been " allowed f.b" for a long time. .
Never blocked anyone from actually texting me before. Never needed too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 20:15

Well done to police ? Don't understand.

OP posts:
BonnieF · 30/08/2018 20:16

”He has just texted to say he is fuckec as a result of been hit by police and he will never forgive me.”

Why haven’t you blocked his numbers, e-mail addresses & social media accounts?

Does he have a key? If so, are yo going to get the locks changed tomorrow?

This man does not love you. He never has, and he never will.

Mayday01 · 30/08/2018 20:16

Are there children in amongst all this?

mooncuplanding · 30/08/2018 20:20

Well done in the blocking.

Your comment about never having needing to before rings alarm bells to me. You have to get in your head that some people are simply nasty through and through. It rings alarm bells because I think you are going through the world believing because you are nice, everyone else is nice, and if they are not you can fix them.

You can’t. You won’t be his first victim. You won’t be his last.( He’s probably left you because he’s got a new one anyway)

He is rotten through and through. He won’t change. You have to remember this when he turns up at your door with his crying and fake apologies

Original poster
Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 20:21

No children.

He is now blocked on everything. So many differant ways to communicate these days. !!
No key to my home.

OP posts:
butterfly56 · 30/08/2018 20:23

You do realise OP that this vile man could actually kill you. 2 women a week are killed in the UK by their partners and the numbers are set to rise.
He has attacked you many times and not once have you reported any of it to the Police.
You need to write down every incident that has happened with him then contact the Domestic Violence Unit at your local Police. Ask for a female officer to talk to you and get them to file a report.
If you are serious about getting him out of your life this is where you need to start.
If you are serious about getting him out of your life. Call the Police at any time he tries to get to you.
You need to block his number, or get another phone number, stop all contact with him. Change your locks if he has had access to keys.
Tell your brother so that you have some support.
There's only you who can stop the abuse...no one else...it's YOUR choice!

Original poster
Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 20:24

I'm not the first. Spoke to his ex briefly. She seemed very nice btw, she had to get a restraining order . Only found this out recently.

OP posts:
mooncuplanding · 30/08/2018 20:26

That should tell you the danger you would put yourself in should you ever have contact with him again

There is a reason why people are saying this is a sad thread....you don’t seem to be quite computing the danger you are in. You are literally stood on a cliff edge and for us reading it, it’s like it’s in slow motion

mooncuplanding · 30/08/2018 20:27
  • like it’s watching you fall off the cliff in slow motion
OpalIridescence · 30/08/2018 20:31

Really sad thread.

You are focusing on the detail as a pp said. I can understand that, it's easier to be angry and name-calling that allowing yourself to realise how terrified you should be.

This is not a game. These men kill women. That's not an exaggeration, it's actually common. You have accounts from posters on here, you must know two women per week are murdered by these men. Look at those two poor women in Solihull who died on the street this week.

A friend of mine fits fireproof letterbox protectors to doors as part of his job. They are regularly needed as the men they love try to burn them to death.

I understand the pull and the wishful thinking and the traumatic bonding highs and lows more than most but, please, please wake up.

Speak to women's aid, you are who they exist for Flowers

RyderWhiteSwan · 30/08/2018 20:36

A friend of mine fits fireproof letterbox protectors to doors as part ofhis job. They are regularly needed as the men they love try to burn them to death.

Absolutely chilling. This thread is the darkest I have read on here.

Mayday01 · 30/08/2018 20:40

Call your local Donestic Abuse unit, google it, it should come up, explain to them what you've put here.
You can then get 'Markers' put on the property, it means police will turn up quicker as they have a marker on the property, if he turns up. And he WILL turn up. They may even give u a mobile alarm for when your out and about. Depends on risk. Request police watch, so police will drive by your area more frequently. They may also come and assess the safety of your accommodation.
Call fire service to attach a firebox thing (sorry name is escaping me) to the letterbox. Make your property safe.
Contact Women's Aid, they hold drop in services at most branches, they will put you on the Freedom Programme, which will help to see how he's managed to manipulate you into this situation and prevent it happening in the future. Mentally, it will help you.
Please tell your brother or anyone your close to. Don't do this alone lovey.
Please follow people's advice, you can't fuck around with men like these, they are dangerous, he has previous with Ex's, this is a longtime behaviour pattern, and he won't stop.
If you do manage to keep away from him, be prepared to 'withdraw', not sure how to explain it in any other way. Lots of women describe intense feelings of desolation and a strong need to get back with the perp. All normal.
Good luck OP. Just keep putting one foot infront of the other.

FuckyDuzz · 30/08/2018 20:42

OP you can’t just ignore him and he’ll go away
That’s not how these men work
Once he stops getting a reaction he’ll go bigger and further until he gets one
I have seen it with my own eyes
You need to tell people; your brother, old friends (yes they will want to know) and most importantly the police
I understand you think you’re being ‘strong’ but you can not fight this man alone and there’s no shame in that
Someone needs to know you’re in danger
And trust me you are in very real danger

stubble · 30/08/2018 20:45

How come you were talking to his ex?

mooncuplanding · 30/08/2018 20:47

Please try and take in what people are saying about the police...currently they know nothing!

I don’t know where you live, but where I am, the police are so over stretched they may take hours and hours to come out, and that may be too late for you.

JellieEllie · 30/08/2018 20:49

Do you realise how serious an offence it is for him to point a gun at you ? Loaded or not, the fact you were laid defenceless on the floor while he made you believe he was going to shoot you and most likely kill you is probably enough for a prison sentence.

Original poster
Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 21:00

Bumped into ex. Shes v nice.
I know what you mean about feeling like I'm reading about someone else. Never been through this before they all seem like isolated incidents until all put together. 😔

OP posts:
BatteredBitties · 30/08/2018 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 30/08/2018 21:02

Block him.
Speak to police.
Tell your family and friends the truth.
Get your home secured just in case.
And do please get further support via counselling or do the Freedom Programme. You need to build your defences so you recognise and react to the red flags in future.

Original poster
Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 21:03

I also think he's so convinced me it's my so my fault/ problem I've actually started to believe it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazycatlady9 · 30/08/2018 21:05

Oh. I will know red flags in future!!
I will tell my brother etc.
Only thing is ( and my brothers not violant)
He will bloody kill him or have someone do it for him.

OP posts:
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