Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Asking for happy endings when you felt like you'd never meet the right one

61 replies

lizzedays · 27/08/2018 15:44

I know I have been here before with an almost identical thread but I am not coping well so hoping people will be kind.

i need some happy ending stories. not to pretend life always works out but to find the hope i used to have that drove me forward and made me take part in life fully.

i feel so broken and lost with my twenties that now i am in my thirties i feel like giving up. i wasnt different to anyone else i dont think.. just that things didnt work out for reasons that meant that we didnt want the same things at the same time.

i feel like time is running out to meet someone and build something together. i just want to settle down. are there any men out there who want that too? the dating world seems so daunting and everyone seems to into travel and work and drinking - i like all these things in moderation but my main objective is a family.

i am really lost and struggling to see a way forward. sorry for posting again.

OP posts:

yougotanygrapes · 27/08/2018 15:48

There are amazing men out there!

Without giving too much away.....I met my best friend 7 years ago- I had kids, he didn't.

He's an amazing dad and partner. He's my first port of call if I'm worried or upset. Supportive, hard working etc etc and bloody gorgeous.

We have an amazing life together. Some men really want that too!

Don't look for it and it will come.

Original poster

lizzedays · 27/08/2018 15:50

I have started looking online (mum's advice!!!) and they all seem into going out, not very settled etc etc. I suppose i don't want someone ALREADY settled anyway, but it just makes me feel apprehensive.

I honestly cannot envisage any form of love again. i can't even find it in me to feel it slightly, like i used to... you know when you watch a romantic film and can identify? i don't even feel that anymore.

OP posts:

yougotanygrapes · 27/08/2018 15:52

My partner wasn't at all settled when we met- a few years out of uni, living at home, spending all his wages on himself and holidays etc.

He's really grown up and loves family life.

Be confident!! I'm sure you're lovely and you'll find someone perfect for you.

Original poster

lizzedays · 27/08/2018 15:59

thanks for replying. my confidence has all gone really. i used to be so excited about the future but it is hard. i feel scared to meet people again and do it all over again. i just cant see the light...i cant see a busy home and sleepless nights with a baby. i cant see any of it and think it is too late.

OP posts:

Picadillypops · 27/08/2018 15:59

Several awful relationships. One of which gave me one good thing - my 9 year old. Was a single parent and in all honesty very lonely for 7 years. Was badgered to go out one night by a colleague and ended up meeting somebody randomly at the end of the night. That was the first time I’d been out of an evening for a long time.
We now have a 3 month old. And he is an amazing dad and partner who is brilliant with my eldest. He’s an all round good man. I didn’t believe they existed.
I honestly thought I’d be single for the rest of my life. I’m in my late 30’s.

Original poster

lizzedays · 27/08/2018 15:59

OP posts:

userxx · 27/08/2018 16:00

@lizzedays I'd used to think that love wouldn't happen to me, thought I was beyond it. All it takes is meeting someone on the same page and all those feelings come flooding back. You never forgot how to fall in love.

userxx · 27/08/2018 16:00

Original poster

lizzedays · 27/08/2018 16:02

thanks for the post. how did you carry on in the meantime? i am so lonely. i do all the things i should...call friends, meet up etc. but at the end of the day it is just me, i depend on me and that is that. if my life is always going to be like this then i just dont want to live it in this way. im not a model but have been on dates, maybe there is just something in me that means i wont connect with someone fully.

OP posts:

PencilTroll · 27/08/2018 16:11

Hi, don't lose heart! I ruined a great relationship at c. 22 years old and spent the next 10 years on a bender, in a shit abusive on off relationship with a real wanker. My self esteem had escaped through the bottom of the barrel, and was digging its way to the centre of the earth, I kept losing jobs due to depression and drinking to self medicate. I had some supposedly good friends but we just all got smashed together and when I tried to stop drinking they weren't around any more.
I got a dog which was a turning point. Having something to care for that took the focus away from my sorrows and got me out of the house.
I got a good job, dumped the wanker once and for all.
Tried online dating but met a load of freaks.
Then one evening I met my now husband at a gig via a mutual friend.
We have been together almost 10 years, a few little downs but mostly a fantastic relationship.
I started my own business, bought a house together and generally am now a million miles away at 40 from my miserable 20s.
I never thought I could be happy, but it's cos I didn't allow it.
My only advice is to be your own best friend, and if you can and want to, get a pet.
Good luck to you, believe in yourself and don't force what's not ready.
Someone once said to me 'when the student is ready, the teacher appears' which really is so very true. x

Original poster

lizzedays · 27/08/2018 16:17

thanks for the post. i have recently come out of a relationship that wasnt making me happy. the last thing he said to me was he wanted to see but with didnt want any obligation to me and that we werent in a relationship. by his own admission he had issues to sort out (he was getting divorced and generally difficult to be around). i put up with it though and he would often tell me "arent you going to pdo your make up," or "thats a strange bikini" and "most women would get a fake tan beofre they went on hol" (after saying already twice that i didnt like fake tans). he also commented regulalry on the fact i didnt wear heels to work, like he was disappointed in me.

im not sure if i was too sensitive. he told me i was and said i caused drama whenever i told him it made me feel he wasnt happy with me when he made these comments. hed usually then sigh and be generally irritated that i had stood up for myself. but maybe he was right that most women wouldnt be that sensitive and i do wonder if that is why the relationship didnt work and why i am single.

OP posts:

Original poster

lizzedays · 27/08/2018 16:18

*wanted to see me but didnt want any obligation to me

OP posts:

twilightsaga · 27/08/2018 16:19

I also feel crap about the future. I'm a single parent to two children who have different fathers and apparently that's a massive put off for men

userxx · 27/08/2018 16:48

@lizzedays that guy sounds like a dickhead, nothing to do with you, just him being a treat.

Original poster

lizzedays · 27/08/2018 16:52

i cant stop thinking about whether it was down to me. he said so often i was causing drama or too sensitive. i am an emotional person too so perhaps there was some truth in it. i simply never felt good enough.

OP posts:

LittleKitty1985 · 27/08/2018 16:53

I believe the secret is simply knowing what you want and then putting in the leg work to find it. I went on at least 100 first dates (mainly from OLD) before I met DH at speed dating. You've got to have good self esteem to cope with that approach though, which it sounds like you don't, have you thought about seeing a therapist?

Pinkunicorndog · 27/08/2018 16:55

You need to find a way to be comfortable with your life the way it is. For every happy ending story you get (and you've been given many on all your threads), there'll be women in your position that still end up single.

You need to figure out how to be happy without a relationship because your success in life shouldn't be based on getting married and having children.

Original poster

lizzedays · 27/08/2018 16:56

littlekitty - i probably could do with therapy. if i work hard with my thoughts i know i have a lot to give someone. i have just felt worn down by the last relationship and losing faith.

OP posts:

category12 · 27/08/2018 17:01

He sounds like an asshole you're well rid of, OP.

Would you ever dream of saying the things he said to you in reverse? Putting him down, being critical and then telling him off for being hurt about it? If it was a friend of yours, would you watch them be belittled and think ah, he's right to slag her off, she's too sensitive?

Arkengarthdale · 27/08/2018 17:14

After several long term relationships that didn't quite work out I met someone online in my 40s and have now been blissfully happily married for 10 years. No DC, too old, but everything else I could possibly want. It can happen 😊

Westworldmaeve · 27/08/2018 17:14

I was alone at 34 when I met DH. He had been alone for 8 years. He is a great man, funny, intelligent, very caring and loving but a bit ugly for most womens first glance, so OLD didn't work for him. I just lost myself in his beautiful green eyes and cute smile tbh. It helps that I saw him in real life at a party thingy, I would never have picked him out if I'd seen his profile pic or story. We don't have the same hobby's but really like spending time together. We have the same way of thinking but that isn't something that tramslates easily when you are online dating.

I was ready to give up when I met him. I met so many flaky people via OLD. I thought something must have been wrong with me. In hindsight I now realise that the flaky people get left over so there are more of them on the dating scene. There are however really nice men out there. Some of them just need a chance to show you who they are.

Westworldmaeve · 27/08/2018 17:17

Oh and my DH was moving a bit fast out of enthusiasm. I met his parents two weeks in. After three months we were having a kind of "where is this going" talk (well I was), and he didn't care if we got married or just started living together as long as we were together. So... that was very honest. If I would have made a thread about him back then people probably would have thought him live bombing or controlling, but he was just being honest about his thoughts.

Westworldmaeve · 27/08/2018 17:21

. i feel scared to meet people again and do it all over again. i just cant see the light...i cant see a busy home and sleepless nights with a baby. i cant see any of it and think it is too late.

I couldn't see this either. I needed to meet the man first before I could see the rest. I also have a friend who never wanted children, then she met her BF late thirties, and she realised she wanted his children. Some things need to be done a step at a time.

Original poster

lizzedays · 27/08/2018 17:35

@category12 - i would probably say that he sounded very critical and that he wasnt accepting of who his other half was.

it plays in the back of my mind though, because on their own and said once, is it that big a deal? part of me thinks well so what he said i should wear heels for work, should have just not taken it as criticism and made a fuss.

OP posts:

Basta · 27/08/2018 18:04

Don't look for it and it will come.

Sorry, I know you mean well, but that is such fucking bollocks.

OP, I hope you find what you're looking for.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread