CAN A NARCISSIST CHANGE?

[Isabella26xx]

Please answer honestly
Not judgemental etc

Can a person who has narcissist behaviour change or improve even? Can a life event help?

A narcissist who has toxic/abusive tendencies... I'm still not sure if there is a difference between all these or are they just in one category

Thanks

I am in the process of divorcing one and no I don’t think they can change sadly. Their thought processes won’t change.

My husband still believes he is the one that is hard done by and he is the victim, that he’s been driven to it.

I wish I could change it too, but I believe it’s not possible x

I think ppl can change if they have the desire and can see where they have gone wrong, but since a narcassit can't see themselves as being at fault i highly doubt that will happen x

No I def don't think so

Saying this from a professional point of view and also after hell from an ex

I didn't even realise how bad my xh was until we split. Even then, it had to be pointed out. He is utterly, utterly deranged and has rewritten history to the point of the ludicrous.
Not only can he not change, but he's such an utter twat I wish him nothing other than spontaneous combustion.
If you have the misfortune to be with one, it WILL NOT improve.

@Putitallbehindme

So in saying they can't change, how will they meet someone else? Because the next person would have to deal with the same behaviours?

It just baffles me , my ex moved on to someone new but says he's a better person with her?

I just thought maybe they can somehow change with someone who is different or maybe has a different personality

Can people give me examples of narcissistic behaviour please
?
I feel so confused

Is it the same as someone being abusive or controlling or is that a different thing?

@looondonn

What is your profession?
Thanks

The father of my children, I believe, is a narcissist and he will be fine for a while and then the smallest trigger will send him off on one of his abusive rants. He wished me dead this evening and said to my son I'm fat and ugly. I feel like he will never change unfortunately x

Agreeing with everyone. No i think it is highly unlikely they will change as 99 % have no insight and so from their point of view there is nothing for them to change (even if presented with the facts) - they are pretty perfect as they are!!! (have done lots of research since being discarded by one a few years ago). Move on - frustrating and hurtful but necessary.

No they cannot change.

At best they just get better at disguising their shit behaviour.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201210/are-you-narcissist-6-sure-signs-narcissism%3famp

In my opinion a true narcissist can never improve because in their eyes there's nothing wrong with them. Be warned - they actually get worse with age, more stubborn, entrenched and fixed in their ways.

Nope. I'm divorcing one too. They are good at manipulating people, and I wouldn't believe a word of what he says. He is in the 'reel them in' phase with the new gf. He'll slowly reveal his true colors, they can't keep up the pretense for too long.

I do know someone who had a severe psychiatric diagnosis for many years who then had a massive stroke and many years on after consistent observations apparently no longer suffers from their previous condition.

It's like they are a very different person completely, very odd especially since I've known them for a very long time.

So perhaps it could be possible but realistically no, they won't change, their thought processes are very different and even if they accept what they are they invariably believe they are more superior to a 'normal' person.

@Bowejangles

God I feel sick
That is truly interesting point

@Babymamamama

Omg this rings so true
I'm really in shock

There are some very interesting reads on google x

No

@Isabella26xx

I thought because you're calling him a narcissist, was because you'd researched it?

It's unlikely but not impossible.

I have spoke to Domestic Violence advocates on this and read up a lot since out of an abusive relationship.

Sadly you cannot change their thinking process, they will always want to win and won’t see they are doing wrong.

I’m sure my husband will move onto someone new. He on the surface is a “great catch” good looking, wonderful job etc etc.

After the initial “I’m so lucky I met you” there’s the questioning stage? They slowly start to pick fault. I sincerely believe I could have the body of a supermodel and a brain of a genius and he would still pick fault or fault on my decisions of the past, or on my family, or something!!

My point being that the next person won’t be perfect! And he won’t be able to tolerate these normal imperfections and will begin working om her too, grounding her down, making her feel worthless, unloved and not good enough.

It’s so sad but we shouldn’t waste our breath on these men! x

It just baffles me , my ex moved on to someone new but says he's a better person with her?

This is just what an abuser would say, to make you feel bad. I doubt if he can change, but it's not your problem, you don't owe it to him to try and make him a better person. That's his responsibility, you have every right to get on with enjoying your own life and putting your energy into doing what's best for you.

I wish they could but no, they may 'soften' and manifest their contempt for everyone else in a different way other than physical abuse and violence due to ageing. They will still spend the rest of their life continually comparing themselves and 'nearest' to everyone and anyone instead of being happy with their own lot and drag people down regardless. They will still try and shame and control those who are allegedly closest to them too. I pity them because it is part of a huge cycle passed from generation to generation- it takes a big person to step back and recognise this and not be fuel for a narc or enable a narc. Withdraw yourself from the narcissist, recognise it for what it is and move on. Be happy not fodder for someone else's ego. Fingers crossed for you.

Yep they can change. They can get worse.

Your man won't really have changed though OP. He could be temporarily changed by hormones, be winning her over or even not be where you imagine on the spectrum. But any change will be temporary. It would take incredible amounts of intentional work.

They will always meet someone else. Eventually they will find someone stupid enough to stay with them.