So upset at dh

[preggersx]

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and really feel like dh has just treated me like utter shit.

He has a teenage daughter who I do a lot for. I've looked after her a lot during the summer holidays which is fine. She goes through phases of wanting to be here and then not because let's face it....she's a teenage girl and she would rather be out with her friends. She's extremely social. We live no where near her mum (her mum moved away, she used to be 5 mins away) so when she comes to us now, she's pretty isolated. No friends. We live in a rural area where there's absolutely nothing to do also. I have no problem looking after her when she wants to be here. We have a close relationship and she's great with my dcs. We go out for lunch and do other things and I'm always thankful we have a good relationship as I know it's not always something that comes naturally.

But last night was different. I get told by dh that dsd is coming to stay for 2 days. She's been extremely rude to her mum. Her mums had enough. They've been on a day out. Dsd is being dropped off on her way home as she's passing our village. She's coming with no phone, no computer, no clothes. Nothing. Dsd is crying and angry when I get back. She doesn't want to be here. She's also extremely pissed off she's had her phone taken off her by her mum. She spends a lot of time on her phone and iPad when she's here as there is literally nothing else for her to do.

Now I'm stuck with her. I'm a few days from giving birth. I didn't sleep last night. I'm tired, I'm emotional. I've got strong Braxton hicks. I honestly don't need this.

I went to bed in a mood last night. I said I felt like I was being walked all over and I didn't feel it was my place to deal with dsd in these circumstances.

Dh barely said bye to me this morning. Gave dsd a massive hug and kiss and told her how much he loves her. I got nothing. Now I'm left to deal with my own dcs and a miserable teenager who literally has nothing with her. I've washed her clothes so they will be ready when she wakes up. I'm not taking them anywhere today. I've sat and cried since 7.30am. Dd is full of energy. I'm dreading the day.

I really feel he's a stupid prick tbh. I was out when all this kicked off. Had a text from dh to let me know she was coming. Couldn't reply as I was driving. Get home and she's screaming about how she doesn't want to be here. Or with her mum as she hates her mum. She hates us all. And now I'm left to deal with it today.

Her mum is just as bad. I'd never drop my dcs off with my ex and just expect his partner to look after them for a couple of days because I couldn't cope! It would be up to me my ex to sort if things got bad. No one else.

I will most likely be expected to make the hour drive to take her home later. Not happening. I've had no sleep and I'm not running around after her. I'm not even getting in the car today.

I might even go and stay at my mums tonight just to get away.

A part of me is thinking I should contact her mum somehow - don't have her number though and I already know she's at work all day today and wouldn't be able to come and collect her anyway.

Dh is off for the day now too. He works all over the county. I should of put my foot down last night but to be told in a text while I was driving made it hard.

Or am I being a totally unreasonable heavily pregnant woman here? I don't mind hearing it if I am. I have a date for induction booked and I'm literally on my last few days. I wanted to spend quality time with the dcs. I'm absolutely petrified of the birth as it may not be straight forward and could have complications. My head is just so full of crap at the min and dh is just all about himself.

Were you expecting him to say no to his daughter coming for a few days?

Or am I being a totally unreasonable heavily pregnant woman here?
No you are not!
Your DH sounds like a cock of the highest order.
Go to your mums later.
Have some ME time and some love and support from her and try to chill and let someone take care of you.

The mum is unreasonable for just dumping the DD on YOU to deal with.
You are due to give birth any day.
That's just no on and your DH should have told her to fuck off.

I think you're being a bit unreasonable. Clearly its kicked off with the mum and her dad has agreed to take her, and he's taken the day off. I don't think you should have expected him to reject her, no.

I think if you’re close enough with her to be left with her, you’re close enough to set some boundaries and parent her: she’s a teen so doesn’t need any practical care, she can get her own food and wash herself etc.

Tell her you’re glad she’s here to spend some time as a family before baby comes but you expect her to behave maturely, entertain herself (don’t fall for the ‘ I have literally nothing to do’ malarkey, you have a tv and books I’m sure!), not create any drama for you.

If she refuses and causes problems then by all means ring DH, say you can’t cope with it right now and you’re going out so can he get in touch with his ex to come collect her or come home himself.

Of course he didn't want to say no. However, that doesn't mean the OP has to pick up the slack for the girls 2 parents.

If he was ok with his daughter staying he should have arranged time off work.

Nope. I feel I should of been asked if I minded looking after her though - considering the situation. She's come with absolutely nothing and dh is aware at how exhausted I am. I literally dropped her off 2 days ago after looking after her for almost a week. I just feel I'm being walked all over.

I would of appreciated being asked seen as i am having a baby in a few days AND this situation is totally different. In this situation, she doesn't want to be here and has no belongings with her. She's miserable. I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with it.

@Bluntness100 he hasn't taken the day off! Where does it say he has?

You said he's taken the day off. So go to your mums with your own kids whi you are happy to be wwith.

Don't ask if you're being unreasonable if you don't want to hear you are.

@LindseyKola that's good advice thank you. She's downstairs now. I've said morning but she's just ignored me. It's never been like this before where there is an atmosphere. But yes you are right, I'll just make the best of it.

Essentially your DSD is being sent to you as a punishment. It’s one thing coming to stay with your clothes, phone etc, and completely different being sent in the way that she has. Of course she’s angry and upset and you have every right to be upset too. Other than ripping your DH a new one, telling him to come home and parent his child pronto there’s not much else you can do other than suggest a duvet day with films, sympathise with your DSD a bit and give her as nice a day as possible at your house. Even teens still like Pixar / Disney stuff if you need it to be appropriate for younger DC. But your house should not = punishment.

Dh is off for the day now too

Is this not day off? Do you mean he has gone to work?

She is in bother with 1 parent then imo the other one should be dealing with her!
Not you -
By the time he gets home she will have likely calmed down after using you as a sounding board. No way should that be happening, pregnant or not. He has swerved his duty of care to his dd today.
Lazy fucker.
Go to your dm's, she is old enough to be home alone, again imo.

Op clearly means he’s off for the day as in he’s gone to work and left her to it!!

@Bluntness100 no he's off for the day....as in he's off to work probably around 100 miles away by now 👍🏻

When OP says this Dh is off for the day now too I think she means he's now GONE off for the day so she's left having to deal with the fall-out.
Sod that. It's not on.

Dh is off for the day now too

You said this OP.

I misunderstood it as well. He's gone to work is what you're saying.

I've had no sleep as stated. Yes he's at work. Be back around 7.30ish tonight depending on traffic

How old is your SD?

Tell her straight - you had nothing to do with the decision for her to be at your house and while she is welcome, you are not to blame. While you love her, you are pregnant, tired and have a lot on so she shouldn't take it out on you. I'd also be honest and say you wouldn't have left her with nothing to do so you both need to make the best of it.

I hear you op! My dps ex tried to do this to me 2 days after I gave birth. Luckily dp occasionally surprises me and did tell her to fuck off. She created the row with their son so she could sort it as he was not prepared to be used as punishment.

I have a great relationship with both dscs, they are fully aware they can come and go as they see fit and the only requirement now they are sociable teens is that they drop me a text to tell me if they are stopping for dinner. It has driven their dm mental this holiday as she thrives on getting rid when they have pissed her off.

Your dh is however trying to do right by his dd. He should have consulted you but given the rejection she has just had from mum I suspect your best course of action is to suck it up and make the best of it.

Maybe abuse dhs debit card and take her shopping for essentials (why doesn't she have clothes at your house anyway though?) and let her pick her favourite dinner. It's amazing what free reign in the kitchen can achieve.

How old a teen is she? Maybe you could pay her to look after your younger dcs for a couple of hours so you can rest?

Get her to help you prepare for the new baby? It might help her to feel involved?

Yeah ok, that's a bit shitty. He should have take the day off....

I'd be really annoyed, but appreciate that the poor girl must be upset and try to make the most of a bad situation.

I'd probably give her my phone or tablet to log in to Snapchat and whatever else she wants to do and be nice to get. Might not be what you feel like doing but will likely make your life easier today.

You're not being unreasonable, op and you're right to be pissed off.
I'd use today to turn this stroppy teen into an ally she's a future babysitter in the making and get her onside with helping you get the house/clothes/garden/meal plan or whathaveyou ready for the post natal.
Then maybe let her bury herself in FB or Snapchat on your comp later.

Still go to your mums tonight though.

OP I’ve been in your situation with step children and I really think the crux of how you feel is how your DH has dealt with this. She is his DD and he can’t turn her down, I’m sure you wouldn’t either if roles were reversed. HOWEVER your DH sounds like an entitled and selfish man who has only addressed the needs of his ex and DD, forgetting about his pregnant wife. He seems to take for granted your strong relationship with your DSD and that would enrage me too. A little bit of empathy and understanding from him would have gone a long way, even if it didn’t change the outcome.

And I think when you said “DH is off for the day too now” that could be interpreted as he’s not working today hence some of the responses.

Good luck OP and you really need to resolve this with your DH.