So upset at dh

[preggersx]

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and really feel like dh has just treated me like utter shit.

He has a teenage daughter who I do a lot for. I've looked after her a lot during the summer holidays which is fine. She goes through phases of wanting to be here and then not because let's face it....she's a teenage girl and she would rather be out with her friends. She's extremely social. We live no where near her mum (her mum moved away, she used to be 5 mins away) so when she comes to us now, she's pretty isolated. No friends. We live in a rural area where there's absolutely nothing to do also. I have no problem looking after her when she wants to be here. We have a close relationship and she's great with my dcs. We go out for lunch and do other things and I'm always thankful we have a good relationship as I know it's not always something that comes naturally.

But last night was different. I get told by dh that dsd is coming to stay for 2 days. She's been extremely rude to her mum. Her mums had enough. They've been on a day out. Dsd is being dropped off on her way home as she's passing our village. She's coming with no phone, no computer, no clothes. Nothing. Dsd is crying and angry when I get back. She doesn't want to be here. She's also extremely pissed off she's had her phone taken off her by her mum. She spends a lot of time on her phone and iPad when she's here as there is literally nothing else for her to do.

Now I'm stuck with her. I'm a few days from giving birth. I didn't sleep last night. I'm tired, I'm emotional. I've got strong Braxton hicks. I honestly don't need this.

I went to bed in a mood last night. I said I felt like I was being walked all over and I didn't feel it was my place to deal with dsd in these circumstances.

Dh barely said bye to me this morning. Gave dsd a massive hug and kiss and told her how much he loves her. I got nothing. Now I'm left to deal with my own dcs and a miserable teenager who literally has nothing with her. I've washed her clothes so they will be ready when she wakes up. I'm not taking them anywhere today. I've sat and cried since 7.30am. Dd is full of energy. I'm dreading the day.

I really feel he's a stupid prick tbh. I was out when all this kicked off. Had a text from dh to let me know she was coming. Couldn't reply as I was driving. Get home and she's screaming about how she doesn't want to be here. Or with her mum as she hates her mum. She hates us all. And now I'm left to deal with it today.

Her mum is just as bad. I'd never drop my dcs off with my ex and just expect his partner to look after them for a couple of days because I couldn't cope! It would be up to me my ex to sort if things got bad. No one else.

I will most likely be expected to make the hour drive to take her home later. Not happening. I've had no sleep and I'm not running around after her. I'm not even getting in the car today.

I might even go and stay at my mums tonight just to get away.

A part of me is thinking I should contact her mum somehow - don't have her number though and I already know she's at work all day today and wouldn't be able to come and collect her anyway.

Dh is off for the day now too. He works all over the county. I should of put my foot down last night but to be told in a text while I was driving made it hard.

Or am I being a totally unreasonable heavily pregnant woman here? I don't mind hearing it if I am. I have a date for induction booked and I'm literally on my last few days. I wanted to spend quality time with the dcs. I'm absolutely petrified of the birth as it may not be straight forward and could have complications. My head is just so full of crap at the min and dh is just all about himself.

Well I've ended up taking dsd out to the shops while my mum watched the dcs. I really just needed the sleep but felt dsd needed to get out and was good to get some fresh air. We ended up getting a Starbucks and a massive piece of cake.

Ds has gone for a sleep over at my mums now so I only have dd and dsd home now and they are playing upstairs nicely. Dsd has cheered up again and I'm sprawled out on the sofa. Not heard anything else from ex or dh. However I did tell my mum all about it who pretty much said word for word what some posters have said on this thread. Under no circumstances am I driving dsd home. Which may seem unfair on dsd but it's not my job too.

I'm going to try get some sleep again now while I can. Thanks for everyone's replies. I will most definitely not be walked all over like this again, I can guarantee that. X

You sound like a really lovely SM by the way. DSD will appreciate this... she might not express it just yet but she will x

You hope that people appreciate you, then you realise they just take your good nature for granted. Be ready next time OP.

You're a smashing step mum, I bet she loves you.

You sound lovely OP. Really genuine, kind and thoughtful.

I don’t think the Mum sounds too bad. She’s had a disasterous day, lost control and wanted to pass the buck. In a marriage you may be able do that easily ie come home and say “you deal with it. When divorced, you can’t. It’s tough. She should not have done it but I do sympathise

The husband also doesn’t sound too bad. He stood by his ex and presented a united front. BUT he falls very flat when it comes to how he treated you. That was disrespectful and unfair.

Absolutely what @Dilemmacentral said.
You are clearly fab but this situation is just not on.
Sort it with your DH!!!

Thanks for the supportive messages!

Dsd has spoken to her mum again about going home. She said she will ring dh to discuss it. I know for a fact she won't make the journey to come and collect her and I am most definitely not doing the journey to drop her off. I'm thinking that's the reason why she won't say when she can come home. Either that or she just wants a break away from her.

I love dsd to bits but ideally I just wanted this weekend for me and dh before baby comes and I bet any money she will be here until Sunday evening. Probably sound selfish of me but it's just what I had planned in my head. Other dcs are staying with my mum this weekend so we can do the last bits we need too and spend abit of time together.

Why not order a taxi and have the mother pick up the tab.

Why can't her dad drop her off?

Btw I'm with @Dilemmacentral on this. The mother was probably at the end of her tether. Teens are hard work.

I just wanted this weekend for me and dh before baby comes and I bet any money she will be here until Sunday evening

You need to tell DH that you're finished with babysitting for the next two days. He needs to sort this out with his ex-wife, or take tomorrow off and look after her himself.

You've been far more amenable about the situation than I would have been, and i commend you for it. But your Mum is looking after your DCs this weekend so you can have a break, not so you can spend time with DSD (which incidentally, you've already done for 5 days last week - which I'm guessing is more time than her father has spent with her this summer??).

You've done your DH a massive favour today. Please make it clear that you're done now.

I don’t think the Mum sounds too bad. She’s had a disasterous day, lost control and wanted to pass the buck. In a marriage you may be able do that easily ie come home and say “you deal with it. When divorced, you can’t. It’s tough. She should not have done it but I do sympathise

Yes, but that's over now. Mum and DSD have made up, so what's all this "I don't know when you can come home" about?

Given the huge imposition, surely any decent person would come and collect DSD with effusive thanks to OP? Not continue to impose for who knows how long....

Dh will happily drop her off when he gets home, I just get the feeling the ex will want her to stay here tonight at least. I feel much less emotional now than I did so I know I'll be able to sit and talk to dh when he comes in without getting emotional or wound up. It honestly would of helped if I managed to get some sleep last night. If I'm honest, all I'm bothered about tonight is getting sleep.

Dsd isn't a burden and I don't want to make it sound like she is. She isnt. But my problem is....she falls out with her mum, that doesn't mean she can just be dropped off and I will pick up the pieces. Absolutely not. Neither am I prepared to run around dropping her off when it suits her mother. I don't expect any thanks - I married dh and to me that means I've taken on his daughter also which I was obviously more than happy to do. But I won't be walked all over which is what has been happening for a long time I suppose. It's only for I'm pregnant and knackered that I've actually realised it.

Anyway a couple more hours to go then I'm off to bed. Me and dsd have pretty much got through the day, she's still happily playing with dd upstairs. They are making some sort of music video it sounds like. So high fives to us ✋

Tell your DH EXACTLY what his ex said to DSD. How dare she ask if YOU are doing anything to amuse her child. The cunt also knows your DH has time off and will not give shit that its about time to help you and bond with his new baby. Pitch a fit. Tell the pointless shit to drive his daughter home and not to EVER EVER EVER use YOU as an excuse for her shit parenting. Worthless cunt.

*I just get the feeling the ex will want her to stay here tonight at least.8

So? Why does she get to decide what happens in your household?

This close to the birth she's taking the mick.

Send your DSD home.

I would be more pissed off with your dh. HIS daughter is HIS resposibility but he seems absolutely fine to leave her to you to deal with, and I bet you do more parenting with her when shes with you and her dad. He sees you as a glorified babysitter and is prepared for the odd outburst from you before you crack on facilitating it. I see so many stepdads doing this with second wives, treat as handy childcare because they can't be arsed. He is taking you for an absolute mug.

Well done OP, well handled day. Keep us updated and keep focussed on you x

And make sure you aren’t the one dropping her off

Why is her mum using going to her dads as a punishment?! They also need to be together on the punishment so he should be having words with her about helping you out and behaving politely. Seems very badly managed and shouldn't really be your problem to deal with although obviously you have parental input they nee to work together on this one!!

Your DH’s ex sounds like a selfish, meddling arse.

Dh is off for the day now too.

So you are NOT expected to look after your step daughter? Your DH will be doing that?

Bubbles her husband has gone off to work.

I do wonder why people post without having read the thread. Or even, apparantly, the OP.

bubbles you may want to read the thread ....

Everyone is being a bit unreasonable in this situation but it's mostly understandable.
You are heavily pregnant and exhausted, emotional/physically/mentally.
Your DH is worried about his daughter and probably pissed off with her mother.
Her mother is at her wits end (although not a great excuse, she shouldn't just ship her child off to the other parent with no notice just because things get hard) and,
your step daughter is a moody teenager who thinks the world is against her and everything is unfair. She's getting tossed around between two parents and is probably feeling a bit unwanted right now.

I wouldn't give her your phone as has been suggested though. Her mother probably has access to her social media on the confiscated phone and will see that she is logged in. This could come back on you and get her in even more trouble that she is already in.

As for demanding the DH parent his own child - I think that's a bit rough. When you marry someone with children, you take them on as well. Absolutely have a stern talk to him about the timing being inappropriate, but as you have been left with her, you parent her in a way you see fit.

Give her time to calm down and sulk a bit and then ask her to come and help you with cooking, shopping whatever.

YANBU - if I was in yr position, I would of course have DSD staying but today I would have expected DH to take the day off and help look after his DD. Unfair on you and DSD to be honest.

I am amazed at the way people seem to think that anyone can just have a day off from any job at no notice with no financial or any other repercussions.