So upset at dh

[preggersx]

I'm 38 weeks pregnant and really feel like dh has just treated me like utter shit.

He has a teenage daughter who I do a lot for. I've looked after her a lot during the summer holidays which is fine. She goes through phases of wanting to be here and then not because let's face it....she's a teenage girl and she would rather be out with her friends. She's extremely social. We live no where near her mum (her mum moved away, she used to be 5 mins away) so when she comes to us now, she's pretty isolated. No friends. We live in a rural area where there's absolutely nothing to do also. I have no problem looking after her when she wants to be here. We have a close relationship and she's great with my dcs. We go out for lunch and do other things and I'm always thankful we have a good relationship as I know it's not always something that comes naturally.

But last night was different. I get told by dh that dsd is coming to stay for 2 days. She's been extremely rude to her mum. Her mums had enough. They've been on a day out. Dsd is being dropped off on her way home as she's passing our village. She's coming with no phone, no computer, no clothes. Nothing. Dsd is crying and angry when I get back. She doesn't want to be here. She's also extremely pissed off she's had her phone taken off her by her mum. She spends a lot of time on her phone and iPad when she's here as there is literally nothing else for her to do.

Now I'm stuck with her. I'm a few days from giving birth. I didn't sleep last night. I'm tired, I'm emotional. I've got strong Braxton hicks. I honestly don't need this.

I went to bed in a mood last night. I said I felt like I was being walked all over and I didn't feel it was my place to deal with dsd in these circumstances.

Dh barely said bye to me this morning. Gave dsd a massive hug and kiss and told her how much he loves her. I got nothing. Now I'm left to deal with my own dcs and a miserable teenager who literally has nothing with her. I've washed her clothes so they will be ready when she wakes up. I'm not taking them anywhere today. I've sat and cried since 7.30am. Dd is full of energy. I'm dreading the day.

I really feel he's a stupid prick tbh. I was out when all this kicked off. Had a text from dh to let me know she was coming. Couldn't reply as I was driving. Get home and she's screaming about how she doesn't want to be here. Or with her mum as she hates her mum. She hates us all. And now I'm left to deal with it today.

Her mum is just as bad. I'd never drop my dcs off with my ex and just expect his partner to look after them for a couple of days because I couldn't cope! It would be up to me my ex to sort if things got bad. No one else.

I will most likely be expected to make the hour drive to take her home later. Not happening. I've had no sleep and I'm not running around after her. I'm not even getting in the car today.

I might even go and stay at my mums tonight just to get away.

A part of me is thinking I should contact her mum somehow - don't have her number though and I already know she's at work all day today and wouldn't be able to come and collect her anyway.

Dh is off for the day now too. He works all over the county. I should of put my foot down last night but to be told in a text while I was driving made it hard.

Or am I being a totally unreasonable heavily pregnant woman here? I don't mind hearing it if I am. I have a date for induction booked and I'm literally on my last few days. I wanted to spend quality time with the dcs. I'm absolutely petrified of the birth as it may not be straight forward and could have complications. My head is just so full of crap at the min and dh is just all about himself.

Both her parents sound crap. When teenagers play up you don't just dump them on the other parent (however tempting) you bloody well deal with it.
Tell your DH quite firmly that while DSD is always welcome of course, you won't be treated as a dumping ground whenever her mother wants shot of her. That's most unfair at the best of times but totally unacceptable when you're heavily pregnant or have a newborn.
Go and stay at your mum's.

It's completely unfair that both parents dish out the punishments to a hormonal teenager and leave a heavily pregnant woman looking after young children to deal with the fallout.

I'd be completely honest with her and tell her that you're not getting into why qnd how she was punished but you love her, you're about to give birth so you could really do with her help.

Really? the mum needs a break from her teenage daughter??? So why is that the ops responsibility to provide that break when she is heavily pregnant and needs a break herself. Her dad should be off work to look after her if she needed a break so bad but she should have just dealt with it like everyone else has to do.
Make sure your husband give you a break before baby arrives with no kids. He can look after them and get him to do the housework etc to make up for it.

Don’t worry OP, the context of your post made it perfectly clear you meant he’d gone off to work (the fact you talk about being left to care for her, him kissing you goodbye etc). I think some posters just like to jump on anything they can to play faux confused and derail the thread, which doesn’t say much about what else they have going on in their lives!

She’s fourteen though, what looking after does she require? I wouldn’t have needed supervision at that age, so while I empathise a lot with how you’re feeling put on and not consulted or involved by your DH, I think that’s the issue here rather than that you need to do any real care for her. What does a fourteen year old need other than being fed along with others in the house?

Definitely agree the ex wife has acted crappily and whilst rhe daughter WAS likely very rude...DID likely deserve to lose her phone... the ex should be dealing with the bored teen. Not leaving this to a woman about to give birth!! Step parenting is a tough one and I would selfishly use the situ to bond with your SD ....as in 'I am actually so grateful you are here as I feel wretched...can you watch films with the little ones...can we bake with them...OMG you are so mature' blah blah. SD is likely feeling very attacked and the chance to be in an adult's good books may be so good for her and productive for you... your husb is likely pissed off with his ex but taking it out on you and that is not good... but maybe best discussed calmly in weeks to cone when you have recovered from the birth. I do get that breadwinners can't just skip work but he should be annoyed with his ex, not you!!! Hugs.. poor busy lady you!

Teenagers eh...challenging but DSD mum should not have sent her to yours as a punishment, which is basically what it is! Her dad should be having it out with her mother really, "why send my daughter here with no clothes or entertainment!"

The parents at fault here.

When we are days away from giving birth it is absolutely right that we, as women are PUT FIRST. Congratulations by the way and hope it goes well.

Beyond all these petty arguments - the main conversation is that at this moment in time things have to change (including step mother, DP and DSD). You are having a baby, have 2 young children and it's totally fair that for now, you do not have to put up with drama. Your DH should have been very clear to his DD before leaving that her job would be to look after you! I would send your DP a text saying what you need, not just for now but in the coming months and yes to be consulted as no 1.

I too would go to your mums and make this a precedent that anytime there's drama - you are not the one left holding the baby, plus the 2 kids plus the DSD plus the drama.

You said he's taken the day off. So go to your mums with your own kids whi you are happy to be wwith.

Off for the day I believe she said, so he's out for the day. She said he left in the morning.

I do think you are being taken advantage of here, but just give her your ipad or something and if her mother or father have an issue with that then tell them to watch over her themselves, but it seems they are unwilling to.

I think it's really unfair as you're about to give birth any minute and this has all been dumped on you. You seem to be doing the lions share of parenting her when she's with you, even driving her back and forwards. If you are parenting her, you should have a say too, and if you want to just give her access to what she wants.

Also, he should have at least checked in with you and taken time off if she is really in a bad way but he expects you to manage all on your own.

Pregnancy is flipping exhausting and hard work. He should be treating you like the queen. YANBU.

Sounds like your DH and you are being dumped on because dsd's mother has had enough of her. It could be a crisis, it could just be a tiff. Who knows. Not easy in most jobs to get time off but your dh should have spoken to you about this properly. May not have changed the outcome (being pregnant doesn't make your stepchildren disappear and she came as part of the deal when you got together). Getting leave at short notice for anything other than emergencies is pretty hard in most jobs and may entail missing out on a day's pay.

You'll have to muddle through and have a good talk with DH so that future incidents will include being properly consulted.

So we've heard from dh and dsds mother. Dh actually rang to see if I was ok. Still wasn't in the mood to talk to him though and just shouted for dsd to come down and speak to him instead.

Then 5 mins later her mother rings. They have a chat and clear the air....they are all 'I love you' etc etc. Dsd says she's bored and asks when she can come home. Her mother says 'I don't know yet'......then says 'so is op doing anything nice with you today? Is she taking you out anywhere for a day out?'

Are you f**king kidding me?? She's had her phone taken off her and everything else. She's not allowed home yet and then at 4 days away from giving birth, she's expecting me to do something nice with her? I've spent the last week doing nice things with her (which is fine, I'm not moaning, we had a great time) but now I'm knackered. Now I need me time.

Dsd was great with the dcs this morning. They did some colouring and jigsaws but she's had enough now. She's just watching tv. She wants to go home.

I honestly feel like saying I'm not doing this anymore. Which isn't fair on dsd I know.

I'm just so so exhausted now. I haven't shown any of my stress in front of the dcs and dsd though. I'm trying hard x

As for if I go into labour. My mum and sister can be here in literally 3 minutes lol. We've timed it. One will take me to hospital and the other one will stay with the dcs. Dh will then just get to the hospital as quick as he can from wherever he is.

He finishes work tomorrow evening for 2 weeks. We thought it best he worked right up to the last minute as there's a higher chance I'll need a c section and then he will pretty much have 2 weeks to look after me and baby - he better do anyway. The way things are going, I won't be surprised if I end up doing it all myself

Your DSD's mother is completely taking the piss - she's abdicated herself of the responsibility of her own child, because she wasn't mature enough to sort it out herself and then expects you to pick up the pieces.

You need to ensure your DH has a word with her telling her that this is absolutely unacceptable. Of course he should look after his own daughter, however not at the last minute just because his ex-wife is incapable of settling a perfectly standard teenage strop.

Why on earth is the mother saying she "doesn't know yet" when the daughter can come home, when this wasn't even a pre-arranged situation in the first place? If she can easily dump her own daughter at your house, she should just as easily be able to pick her up.

The fact that she didn't even provide clothes for her own child for a potentially protracted stay is so unbelievably uncaring as well. I feel so bad for the daughter.

Dh has about 20/30 mins notice that she was coming. They literally pass our house on the way back from the day out they went to so I think the ex was like'im leaving this place now, she will be with you in 30 mins tops'. Although dsd apparently did want to come but only because she thought her dad would be on her side.

Dh couldn't of taken today off. Or tomorrow. I understand that. Especially as he's having 2 weeks off work as of tomorrow evening. He has deadlines to meet today and tomorrow. If I was in labour then obviously a different story.

Yeah I'm just fed up now. Dsd wants to go home, I don't blame her - tbh I want her to go home too. Not in a nasty way but she's getting miserable, I'm so tired and I can feel a long afternoon ahead. Luckily my mums coming later so I can get my head down for an hour. Or try too

Her mother may have assumed we had clothes here. We always do provide her with her own clothes but as she's just had new ones bought for her here, she wanted to take them all home with her to wear seen as it's the holidays which we said was fine aslong as she brought them back next time.

She's still in my top and her dads tracksuit bottoms which are way too big. No interest in getting dressed

Dsd's mother sounds like a CF to me! You need to support your DH in putting his foot down with her.

Could you pay her to babysit your younger kids for a few hours?

Even if you are just upstairs having a lie down - she's get a purpose to doing something with the kids as she's being paid.

At age 14 she can be a really useful helper so make it worth her while to help you and make your life easier.

Is there any baby stuff she could help or do? (Sorting clothes, that sort of thing).

Did you manage to have a nap?

So basically her mum and her dad have dumped the problem into your lap as they can't be arsed to deal with her teenage behaviour.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I feel sorry for her and you .

Wtf are you doing anything nice with her today?! I would have gone mental! Given that your dsd is apparently there on punishment nevermind the fact that your 38 weeks pregnant and your helping out the ex so she can "have a break" from teenager......that woman should be sending flowers gifts and apologetic texts to you not stirring a grumpy bored 14 year old!

Make sure she is picked up by her mum or dropped off by her dad.
It is not up to you to facilitate her Her parents chose for her to stay at her dad so they can work out how she gets back to mums.
You seem to have had a lot flung at you at not a great time.
Well done for coping so well
At the end of my pregnacy I was a crying, stressed mess at the slightest thing 😂

Hmmmmm - bit of game playing from step mother here:

DSD comes to you as punishment.
Arrangements all last minute so DH has to make a decision that affects you and causes tension.
Step mother knows that you will be the main carer.
SM reinforces to DSD expectations of fun stuff when she SHOULD be saying be helpful, remember preggersx is having a baby like this week

I would stay out of this game of ping pong OP and seriously, it's just all about you and baby now.

I agree-you need to look after yourself and they can look after their daughter.

What a cheeky fucker the mother is!!!! So she's having a nice little break from DD but expecting you to be taking her out to do nice things when you're about to have a baby!!!
Errr no!
Speak to your DH later. It's a piss-take