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Original poster

AIBU? Husband left family holiday to go to work *update edited by MNHQ*

531 replies

soelle · 17/08/2018 12:44

So, we’ve had the first family holiday in two years with the kids 6 and 3 and we stayed in the UK.

We arrived on Saturday, by Monday he had many calls from work and chose to work whilst away.

By Tuesday, he told me that he was needed at work and would be returning by train on Thursday afternoon.

I know his job is important and we do need the money but I am devastated. The kids and I are here alone and that wasn’t the plan.

I’ve just told him that we’re coming home today (a day early) and I’ll see him later. He said he won’t be home until Monday as he’s having to work on a deal and will be doing stupid hours so doesn’t see the point in coming home and disturbing us.

I’m pretty sure he isn’t having an affair. He often has to stay away with work (he works about 90mins drive from home) and stays with his sister who definitely wouldn’t condone him having an affair. I’m just gutted that the holiday has been spoilt. Am I being unfair for being upset with him?

OP posts:
ArgumentativeAardvaark · 08/08/2019 14:30

OH my Fucking God, I was reading this and about to post a reply based on my own experience of corporate law until I got to your update from today. What an utter, utter weasel. And his sister too- so sad that you trusted her and she let you down like that. Corporate law really was the perfect cover, I fully agreed with all those saying it was highly unlikely to be an affair. Only consolation is that he must have been doing his job very badly if he managed to have both a family and a pregnant mistress on the side.

If she was in labour during the holiday then they were probably shagging the whole time his Mum and yours were dying too. Words fail.

I wonder how much of an open secret it was in their office when OW was walking around with her bump?

And (until he did the dirty on OW) he’s managed to conceal a partner and a baby at home from you since you separated?

I’m so sorry that you went through this. You are so much better off without him.

AdelaideK · 08/08/2019 14:32

Oh you poor thing. What a shock. I don't think I'd be able to stop myself from replying to her with a snotty comment.

She may have only messaged you to make sure you know about her.

ineedaholidaynow · 08/08/2019 14:32

I assume your child maintenance will be reduced too as he now has another child

GhostBusting · 08/08/2019 14:34

the adultery won't but I wonder if him having to provide for another child will affect the child maintenance calcs....

GhostBusting · 08/08/2019 14:34

sorry inneedaholidaynow that was a cross post!

ElizaDee · 08/08/2019 14:35

AryaStarkWolf Thu 08-Aug-19 14:00:40
Maybe it will make her think about it next time she's interested in a married man

I'd have to respond to her message with this ^

GhostBusting · 08/08/2019 14:38

problem is he's a lying shitbag

you have no idea what he said to her. He may well have said they had separated but were still living together for the kids and that she came to company events because they didn't want work to know. I knew someone who went out with a married man who told her this.

PlinkPlink · 08/08/2019 14:39

Jesus Christ OP

What a fucking rat!!!

You're better off without him, that's for sure but I'd imagine that's not very comforting for you given the fresh information.

Stay strong my lovely Flowers

Sjoe456 · 08/08/2019 14:40

God what is wrong with some men.. how do they look their children in the eyes cheatin on their mum.. how do they sleep at night, dirty bastards. If I was you I would just respond to the OW saying "karmas a bitch"

FrumptyLumpty · 08/08/2019 14:43

I would only respond with 'karma is a bitch'.

Do not feel you have to go out of your way to facilitate any relationship with your DCs secret sibling. They obviously didn't care about your DC having one with their child before now.

Small mercies that you ended your marriage before finding out he'd been cheating on you and had a child with his mistress. He's utter scum Flowers.

LemonBreeland · 08/08/2019 14:49

Oh goodness, I can't believe his sister was covering for him too. If you hadn't told him it was over was he planning on just having two separate families?

Just remember you are strong and amazing, and you are putting your children first, unlike Mr thinks with his dick.

Singlenotsingle · 08/08/2019 14:51

Makes you wonder how many times he's going to repeat this behaviour, having affairs and babies all over the place. I suppose wealthy rock stars do it. Hopefully he earns lots of money OP. All the best Flowers

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 08/08/2019 14:58

I remember your original thread Op & sorry to read your updates. What a shit! You're well rid of him. Stay strong.

greenwaterbottle · 08/08/2019 15:20

Cheaters deserve all they get.
I'm so sorry, it must be like you have to relive it all to work it out.
And I've have nothing to do with sil, how low is she.
Hoping you took him to the cleaners for the children.
Wishing you peace

MollyButton · 08/08/2019 15:31
Flowers You are putting one foot in front of the other - that is brave/brilliant etc.

And when the mistress becomes the partner it creates a vacancy.

I'm sorry that he proved the original poster's worst fears to be true. But you still might have another baby one day - life does go on. And when your DD are older they will work out the dates of their sibling's birthday.

Just keep on keeping on.

ComeOnGordon · 08/08/2019 15:34

I’m sorry you had to go through all this but she’s got some nerve messaging you. Ignore ignore ignore.
I’m also coming out the other side of being lied to for 18 months and my ex shagging the OW while his father was seriously ill and i was helping to care for both his parents.
They are scumbags and I need to tell myself that I won - I am free of his lies and it’s his OW who needs to wonder when he’ll do it her again.
You are better off without him in your life but I know this is all a huge shock. Sadly there are lots of us on here who can sympathise since we’ve been thro the same thing

NewMe2019 · 08/08/2019 16:14

Wow! So sorry OP.

The settlement won't change because of this. When I was discussing reasons for divorce with my solicitor and I asked about dating whilst separated and the effect of the settlement, he said it makes no difference and would mean it's technically adultery, which could be used as a reason.

dinkystinky · 08/08/2019 16:21

OP - I'm so sorry to read these updates. You and your children are better off out of the horrific mess he's making of his personal and professional life. Ignore the other woman's message - she went into this with her eyes wide open as to the kind of man he is.

Rightwayup · 08/08/2019 16:28

Karma is indeed a bitch

RandomMess · 08/08/2019 16:29

Urgh I remember this from last year, I am so sorry that he had done this to you and your DC AngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 08/08/2019 16:29

"Dear OW,
thank you for taking the time to contact me for advice on how to cope right now and of course, informing me of my ex husband's other family.

The best advice I can give you, having gone through this myself, is to realise that the other woman is an absolute cunt. A bitch of the highest order who knowingly slept with a married man. A cheap whore who couldn't find her own bloke so took someone else's.
You must realise of course that he is also a cunt. A completely wanker who you are very likely, like I was, praying that his dick rots and falls off.

You can take great comfort in this little bit of knowledge though to help you through these difficult times. He will, undoubtably also cheat on this most recent slag and she too will feel as hurt as you. I know I particularly am enjoying that part.

Toodle pip,

Wife #1

(Disclaimer, I don't like the insults of cunt, bitch, slag whore etc but you can bet your arse that she would like it even less being called them)

TatianaLarina · 08/08/2019 16:30

Definitely don’t write an email full of misogynist insults. (Not that you would OP).

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/08/2019 16:31

That wouldn't make me happy at all.

DH also has a quite highpowered sales job in a technical environment, and he often works away overnight, or over a couple of nights, because he's the regional manager for the whole of NSW, which is pretty bloody big.
Currently he's away nearly every week, at least one night - it's not convenient but it's part of his job.

But he does at least take time for holidays, switch his phone off (uses an automated answering system) and doesn't usually check emails unless it's REALLY urgent (like a multi million dollar deal going on).

I've got used to it - him not being around a lot of the time - but he does make family time at weekends and holidays, so it's not really that much of an issue most of the time. 4 day conferences can be more annoying, that's for sure! Or the week long training in Malaysia...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/08/2019 16:36

Jeez, I usually do manage to notice when it's an epic long thread but failed this time!

I'm so sorry OP - sorry that it turned out to be an affair and that he even had a baby with the OW, and you knew nothing!!

Glad you've got your life together without him but god, that must have been a sucker-punch to the gut, finding out all that. :(

Thanks to you - I hope you have a much better life without him.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 08/08/2019 16:37

But, ThumbWitches, is your husband actually at work or has he gone to be with his OW who's in labour with his child?