AIBU? Husband left family holiday to go to work *update edited by MNHQ*

[soelle]

So, we’ve had the first family holiday in two years with the kids 6 and 3 and we stayed in the UK.

We arrived on Saturday, by Monday he had many calls from work and chose to work whilst away.

By Tuesday, he told me that he was needed at work and would be returning by train on Thursday afternoon.

I know his job is important and we do need the money but I am devastated. The kids and I are here alone and that wasn’t the plan.

I’ve just told him that we’re coming home today (a day early) and I’ll see him later. He said he won’t be home until Monday as he’s having to work on a deal and will be doing stupid hours so doesn’t see the point in coming home and disturbing us.

I’m pretty sure he isn’t having an affair. He often has to stay away with work (he works about 90mins drive from home) and stays with his sister who definitely wouldn’t condone him having an affair. I’m just gutted that the holiday has been spoilt. Am I being unfair for being upset with him?

What happened?? My phone keeps freezing as I go to read the updates x

@Sjoe456 OP left him because he wasn't making the effort to spend more time with family, then a year later she found out that in actual fact he wasn't running back to work at all but back to an OW who was pregnant with his child and has just recently contacted the OP looking for advice because her ex is now cheating on the OW

@Chocolateandcarbs but was your DH actually sleeping with a co worker though?

That'll teach me not to read the whole thread.

So sorry, OP. But not all long-hours workers are like your ex.

So sorry, what a crazy situation all around though she knew he was a cheater so should have realised he didn't know what fidelity was! Hope you and the kids are doing ok. Men eh! I'm seriously thinking life would be far better if I was attracted to women!

I was going to post about the time work raised the possibility of me postponing my honeymoon but then I read the thread properly...

I'm astounded at the update and think you've handled yourself well. It's amazing he kept it quiet for two years. And not surprising you feel rocked by this turn of events. I'd probably message OW1 with "Easy come, easy go" but that would be a bit childish! Let them all stew.

There's no such thing as a free lunch! Often those people who are paid a lot work in high powered environments with immediate and never-ending demands on them. That's the trade off - the more you're paid, the worse the work-life balance. I don't think we have ever been on holiday without a laptop, and DH will usually work in the evening/early morning when we are away (sometimes I have something that needs urgent attention, but less often). Leaving entirely is highly unusual though and I would not be impressed at that! (but it might not be avoidable...

I’ve reported the thread to try and get the title updated but I’ll start a new one later. I guess I’m in a little shock.

The divorce is almost final, finances and contact are settled so we’re just waiting on the decree absolute. I’m tempted to speak to my solicitor to see if this new information changes anything with regards to the settlement.

Thank you for everyone saying I’m strong, I don’t feel it. I’m just doing what I think is best for my kids. Its taking all my strength not to plan ways to kill him when he next picks them up. And it’ll kill me when the kids meet their sibling as I always wanted another baby. But I’ve moved on and before this week, my life was pretty good.

As for the OW, I pity her a little as she’s obviously where I was last year and I know how hard it is but she definitely knew about me, I’d seen her at work functions from time to time. I feel guilty for saying this but she’s getting a taste of her own medicine.

What he is actually saying is that work is more important to him than his family.

Up to you whether you think that is acceptable

Sorry posted too early and not read full thread

I'm so sorry to read this @soelle

can I just say one thing about his woman contacting you? When I got divorced, my exh hooked up with another woman. There wasn't the same crossover that you had but after a year or so, she contacted me to ask some questions.

At first I did think 'fuck off' but after a while, I realised the reason she was asking me is that exh was probably spinning her a web of lies too and I was the only person that was likely to tell her the truth.

In the end, I did actually have a coffee with her - I clarified a number of things she had suspected and a whole load of other information and I actually felt better afterwards. I did ask her never to contact me again though and blocked her on every platform afterwards so I didn't speak to her again.

Only you can decide if you want to speak to her or not. But I suspect as he lied to you, he's lied to her too and probably a whole load of other women and she's probably trying to untangle what she thinks she knows.

@SBT1234 Nope what he's saying is fucking his co worker is more important

As for the OW, I pity her a little as she’s obviously where I was last year and I know how hard it is but she definitely knew about me, I’d seen her at work functions from time to time. I feel guilty for saying this but she’s getting a taste of her own medicine.

Maybe it will make her think about it next time she's interested in a married man

Yeah. My estranged father was a lot like this. It's a bit of a delusion that you're actually that important though. At the end of the day he's where he wants to be.

I'm so sorry OP. The level of arseholery and fuckwittednes of some men never fails to astonish me. I hope that in the long run you can take at least a little bit of comfort in the fact that you ended the marriage and for other (although related) very good reasons. And at least you've spared yourself what the other woman is currently going through, with the whole "pick me" desperation.

Not a bad idea to go to the solicitor again.
On what basis is your divorce being granted?
I doubt it's by his fault and adultery!
And it's not as if it can even be denied since the OW gave birth to his DC whilst you were still married!

Ultimately it's up to you what you feel comfortable and happy with.
He's a real sort isn't he.

Wow, I'm so sorry OP this is horrendous. Definitely run it by your solicitor..

I can't believe the deceit. That someone who was meant to care about you and your girls could hurt you this much.. it's unfathomable. You must be so hurt, but you've already shown your strength in making the right decision, you can do it again - don't reply to the OW, make your ex tell your daughters what happened, and just be there for them.

Money and stuff all ends up in landfill eventually. Those memories of being on holiday when the kids were this age can never be got back. I'd seriously reconsider my marriage if my DH was like this.

My Dad was like this. I had nice things but he missed 6 birthdays in a row. I remember that. It also turned out that he was shagging around and actively avoiding the mundanity of family life for the luxury life of first class travel and nights out in hotels.

Oh and after all those years working he's pissed the money away so there's nothing to show for it.

I'm really sorry those last few updates didn't show on my page initially. So sorry OP.

Bullet dodged.

As for the OW, karma’s a biatch.

Bloody hell.
What a horrible, horrible man and shit father.
You are well rid.
Yes I would definitely speak to your solicitor.

I'd speak to your solicitor op- now you k ow for a fact what happened, that might as you say change the final amounts rewarded from the divorce etc. What a fucking dirty immoral scummy cunt he is.

Adultery won’t make any difference to the financial settlement.