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Original poster

AIBU? Husband left family holiday to go to work *update edited by MNHQ*

531 replies

soelle · 17/08/2018 12:44

So, we’ve had the first family holiday in two years with the kids 6 and 3 and we stayed in the UK.

We arrived on Saturday, by Monday he had many calls from work and chose to work whilst away.

By Tuesday, he told me that he was needed at work and would be returning by train on Thursday afternoon.

I know his job is important and we do need the money but I am devastated. The kids and I are here alone and that wasn’t the plan.

I’ve just told him that we’re coming home today (a day early) and I’ll see him later. He said he won’t be home until Monday as he’s having to work on a deal and will be doing stupid hours so doesn’t see the point in coming home and disturbing us.

I’m pretty sure he isn’t having an affair. He often has to stay away with work (he works about 90mins drive from home) and stays with his sister who definitely wouldn’t condone him having an affair. I’m just gutted that the holiday has been spoilt. Am I being unfair for being upset with him?

OP posts:
Dowser · 08/08/2019 13:17

Before we left

Watchingthyme · 08/08/2019 13:18

I would start a new thread. I can’t believe he has a child. An actual child and no one thought to tell you.
That is all kinds of fucked up. I imagine the OW contacted you under a guise of just fucking with him. It sounds a bit like revenge towards him. Which I don’t blame her for. But it’s bloody cruel.

The problem with men like him is that they cause huge hurt and pain and destruction where ever they go. So him hurting her has led to her hurting you so she can hurt him.

And it’s all caused by him being a cunt.

roundtable · 08/08/2019 13:18

What terrible people they are op.

I hope you feel vindicated in making the decision to separate.

Hold your head high - you're a great role model for your children. Flowers

ThatCurlyGirl · 08/08/2019 13:18

Sorry I know I've literally just said this but I can't help but emphasise how brilliantly you are dealing with this and putting your kids first. You're brilliant. I hope whoever is with you in future is amazed by you putting your children first in such a fucking horrible situation - I think it's more rare than you realise Flowers

StCharlotte · 08/08/2019 13:18

kateandme No, they are on page 10.

Sorry OP and so sorry to hear your news. What a pair of wankpuffins they are.

GU24Mum · 08/08/2019 13:19

OP - how awful, so sorry to hear the updates. I read the first few pages feeling a bit sorry for your OH having to work (I work with similar people) but it's staggering what was actually going on.

I hope you and the children are starting to get on with the new reality - horrible to deal with but you are definitely better off without him.

ThatCurlyGirl · 08/08/2019 13:20

On another note, @StCharlotte I will now be using the word wankpuffins as often as possible. I hope not sporadically (a la clueless)

EffYouSeeKaye · 08/08/2019 13:25

Wankpuffins 😂😂😂

I’ve no idea of your legal position post-divorce but the fact that he has hidden a child for over a year would make me want to take him to the fucking cleaners all over again. It seriously changes everything as far as I’m concerned. What a cunt he is.

JasonColbyStankers · 08/08/2019 13:29

Wow, what an absolute cunt.

The only appropriate text to send to the mother of his other child would be, “Er, boohoo?”

Christ, some people are such arseholes.

You’re clearly better off without him though.

Lazydaisies · 08/08/2019 13:30

God I am so glad you had kicked him out before all of this came out. You have the space to deal with it. What a horror show. I will admit I thought he was a total arse for refusing to be an active parent to his daughters but that pales compared to my opinion of him after reading your updates. His betrayal is just enormous. Focus on managing you and your daughters and don’t in any way try to rectify the chaos he is casing around him. Leave him to manage that. That was s his legacy.

Sjoe456 · 08/08/2019 13:31

Babe are you sure he goes to his sister? I'd be trackin his ass down to make sure he was, and if you get a chance check his phone, you know him best but to me I would overthink that shit, he could be having an affair with someone he works with, I HOPE I am wrong and I probly am cause I over think everything but if I was you I would just make sure 100 percent he really is working more and him stayin with "his sister" is not some hoe from his work x

itsabongthing · 08/08/2019 13:33

I’m in the same boat. I just think it’s pretty sad because the kids will remember it.
It’s one of the reasons that it often feels like me and my 3 DC; and then him. Our marriage is not in a particularly good way and this sort of behaviour is one of the reasons why.

My DH is one of quite a few partners in the business. Maybe I’m being unfair but I just don’t believe that he couldn’t have protected family time if he wanted to and was prepared to put those boundaries in place.

One of his colleagues at work was an Orthodox Jew so he had strict boundaries in place about the sabbath and everyone respected that. So it can be done in their business, I just think he needs to be firmer with his colleague/bosses about it.

It’s also so short sighted because everyone needs a proper break for their health and well being.

Even when he’s not left holiday to pop to work and back he is always on his phone taking emails and calls.

It’s sad and HE is missing out.

Horehound · 08/08/2019 13:34

@Sjoe456 babe....PLEASE READ THE THREAD.

itsabongthing · 08/08/2019 13:35

Oops - totally should have read the updates, sorry Blush

Hopefully I’m not in exactly the same boat although this has certainly given me food for thought.

Flowers for you x

OtraCosaMariposa · 08/08/2019 13:38

It's not just corporate law. DH works in the aviation sector. Usually his boss is very good and doesn't bother him on holiday. But we were on holiday (in the UK) a few years ago when the Icelandic volcano hit. Lots of the other senior managers were overseas and unable to get home and get to work. So because DH was just a few hours' drive away, he left our family holiday early and went back to work.

They also have an emergency "on call" rota between senior management which means he's on call all weekend every 8 weeks, and if something happens like a major IT crash (no it's not BA) or another serious issue he drops everything and goes in.

He does get very well paid for it though and when he had to cut our holiday short he got twice as many days back as he'd gone in, and his manager paid for a meal out for the whole family as an apology.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/08/2019 13:40

@OtraCosaMariposa he was having an affair

Horehound · 08/08/2019 13:40

For fuck sake

AcrossthePond55 · 08/08/2019 13:40

I think what would piss me off at him the most is that time has passed and you had your life back (as it were) and he's now dragged you right back into his mud. I'd be furious and I'd let him know it, too.

As far as the OW, PPs are right. You owe her nothing and she can bloody well deal with her situation herself. What the hell does she want? You to advise her on how to get him back? Not bloody likely!!

On second thought.... do it. Let her get him back, she'll be in for a lifetime of cheating and misery and serve her right!

AuditAngel · 08/08/2019 13:40

I didn’t realise this wa# an old thread with updates. Clearly you are better off without him.

MerdedeBrexit · 08/08/2019 13:42

OtraCosaMariposa - my OH is in aviation and we have taken his work on holiday with us for the last 30 years, though I don't remember his actually cutting a holiday short to go home for work, mainly because he has it with him at all times! Amazed we have not so far caught AIDS (Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome). However, this is irrelevant, as the original thread is from last year and the OP has recently updated with information which makes our anecdotes redundant Grin

yikesanddang · 08/08/2019 13:42

Depends on the job. My DH has a job that paid extraordinarily well. It was just accepted that part of the deal was that he basically had to sell his soul. It was fine. We benefitted financially. He retired before 50 and we are very well off. Sacrifices need to be made.

kateandme · 08/08/2019 13:43

holy fuk a duk op im so very bloody sorry.what a deep hurt you must feel
but you know what.its been a year a year you would have been lied to more and in the dark if you hadnt made the very brave and very RIGHT decision to leave.and you did this for the best before your new about the affair and child.you did this becasue he was still not being a dad or husband he should have.and this recent news just proves that tenfold.
that wont stop the hurt.but your human.and you have been hurt so you are right to feel it.its normal behaviour and you will get through it.your body and mind is processing further shock of the man you loved and shared a life with.
keep going.keep doing your days and give yourself lots of comfort breaks.
youve got your life to lead now.go grab it!you can do this.

DefinatelyAWeeGobshite · 08/08/2019 13:43

Wow. I didn’t read the original thread last year but I’ve just read this entire thing, what an arsehole!! Such a shock for you OP, I hope you and your girls are okay xx

yesteaandawineplease · 08/08/2019 13:44

Flowers op. here was me feeling sorry for your ex when in first read the thread. what a utter knob.

MerdedeBrexit · 08/08/2019 13:44

OK, now I have to say it , will people please RTFT before commenting on the original post which dates from 2018!

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