AIBU? Husband left family holiday to go to work *update edited by MNHQ*

[soelle]

So, we’ve had the first family holiday in two years with the kids 6 and 3 and we stayed in the UK.

We arrived on Saturday, by Monday he had many calls from work and chose to work whilst away.

By Tuesday, he told me that he was needed at work and would be returning by train on Thursday afternoon.

I know his job is important and we do need the money but I am devastated. The kids and I are here alone and that wasn’t the plan.

I’ve just told him that we’re coming home today (a day early) and I’ll see him later. He said he won’t be home until Monday as he’s having to work on a deal and will be doing stupid hours so doesn’t see the point in coming home and disturbing us.

I’m pretty sure he isn’t having an affair. He often has to stay away with work (he works about 90mins drive from home) and stays with his sister who definitely wouldn’t condone him having an affair. I’m just gutted that the holiday has been spoilt. Am I being unfair for being upset with him?

The phrase 'when a man leaves his wife for his mistress, he creates a vacancy' has never been truer. OW obviously believed that she was special when she was just a cog in the wheel.

So sorry OP. I'd block her if you haven't already done so. You're well rid.

Wouldn’t bother me. I have learnt to make my own life very early on in our relationship due to work. Work has afforded us a very good quality of life and with it comes sacrifices, most of those were when the DC were small. Even now he answers emails and calls on holiday, but I am very much Meh about it.

Shit sorry didn’t read the thread, going back to read it all ignore my post.

What an absolute waste of space your ex is. You are well rid!

he recently cheated on her and she inexplicably decided to contact me for advice

I hope your replied "Lol" to her OP, it is the only thing she deserves.

I am sorry to read that update and I hope you and your DC are doing well.

Gosh what a utter shifting he is. It must be hard but just remind yourself he is in your past. This is his shit life imploding again. He is systematically repeatedly experiencing traumatic shit. Because of his actions. What a sad pathetic life he has. You are well rid of him.

I wonder with your DH being away from the family home so much and "living at his sisters" that perhaps the OW didn't realise she was an OW?

Oh wow @soelle that is horrific of him. What an absolute cockwomble

It explains why he was waiting at home that weekend with presents for the kids. He'd be feeling guilty because he knew their sibling had been born.

Bloody hell. I'm sorry lass.

But you're strong now. Yes it will hurt, but your new life is so much better than that old one.

Oh just seen they were colleagues so she did know. Definetely don't bother replying, very cheeky of her.

And awful of his sister to cover for him.

So his sister is just as much of a dickhead as he is, then. I strongly will karma to bite the lot of them in the ass and grant you a fresh start with someone truly worthy of your love, op.

Don't go back early! No reason why you and the kids need to leave. Enjoy the rest of your holiday then go home and tell him what he missed!

What a sleazeball! I'm so sorry op

Oh my God that's awful. You poor thing. I hope you filled her in on all the details - did she think you knew?? What an utter shit bag.

Read it all now, so so so sorry for you OP what an absolute twunt. You so did the right thing.

As for the OW..... WTAF? Not that unusual though, one of my dearest former colleagues came home to n empty house one day. Whilst she had been TTC with not much luck her DH had got his OW pregnant and then left my friend. He destroyed her so much she walked away without a penny so he took the house and money too.

Years later she was contacted by the OW asking if she would give a character statement against her husband for the OW to use as he had done exactly the same thing AGAIN to her.

She never responded either.

I remember this thread. Wow your update OP, that's shocking, what a disgusting man. Thankfully you had the sense and the strength to leave even before you knew about the affair, such a powerful sign that you wouldn't allow yourself or your children to be treated like second priority to anything be that work or an OW. Still this must be a kick in the gut when you're probably only starting to get back on your feet again. I would have went mental if the OW contacted me, how dare she, the cheeky bitch!! But just ignoring the message is the dignified approach, well done. You're amazing.

Omg. I’ve just picked up your thread. What a sleaze. The correct response to this stupid cow is “he’s not my problem anymore, he’s yours”. I expect her reaching out is a ruse because she’s sick of her and the baby being a dirty secret. Sending lots of hugs.

Wow op. What a shock! So did you end it because he was having an affair or because you couldn't take the 'workaholic' lifestyle any more - not that it makes a difference - I'm just guessing it was such a huge kick in the guts either way.

Honestly what an utter bastard.

Wishing you strength op

"he recently cheated on her and she inexplicably decided to contact me for advice."

Fucking hell!!! Lack of self-awareness, much?

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. What a rough hand you've been dealt. The upside is that hopefully this is the last time this wanker can hurt you.

If the deadline shifted then it shifted. If he is at partner level or close to partner level there won’t be many people on the ground at this time of year to take over and the client relationship may be such that they would not accept a new partner/senior lawyer at this stage. It might have been a case of losing the client which might then have been the case of less than stellar career prospects. I can see how it could have been unavoidable in those senses if that was the fact pattern. It’s a choice yes but the time to make the choice is not when the shit has hit the fan and if you do leave it will be under a very big cloud. The time to make the choice is when the situation has been resolved at work and when he is less stressed you have a proper conversation about family life. If he then decides to move firms he has not burnt bridges and can get the best possible job for the work life balance he wants

Blimey what an update! I wonder how long he would have tried to live a double life if you hadn't asked him for a separation. You're well rid.

Had not realised this was a zombie thread and wrote my post having read only the first couple of pages - disregard and I hope you are moving towards a much brighter future xxxx

@Lightness2019 this thread is a year old, the DH was having an affair

I know - mortified and apologetic xx