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Original poster

AIBU? Husband left family holiday to go to work *update edited by MNHQ*

531 replies

soelle · 17/08/2018 12:44

So, we’ve had the first family holiday in two years with the kids 6 and 3 and we stayed in the UK.

We arrived on Saturday, by Monday he had many calls from work and chose to work whilst away.

By Tuesday, he told me that he was needed at work and would be returning by train on Thursday afternoon.

I know his job is important and we do need the money but I am devastated. The kids and I are here alone and that wasn’t the plan.

I’ve just told him that we’re coming home today (a day early) and I’ll see him later. He said he won’t be home until Monday as he’s having to work on a deal and will be doing stupid hours so doesn’t see the point in coming home and disturbing us.

I’m pretty sure he isn’t having an affair. He often has to stay away with work (he works about 90mins drive from home) and stays with his sister who definitely wouldn’t condone him having an affair. I’m just gutted that the holiday has been spoilt. Am I being unfair for being upset with him?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 08/08/2019 11:37

I was reading this again from the start, thinking it was a new thread, and I have to say this time around I was convinced he was having an affair. I'm so sorry that he was. You had such faith in him. What was all that about with his sister, though? Did she know?

LemonBreeland · 08/08/2019 11:40

Bloody hell, he had another woman pregnant. What a fucking shit! And her contacting you for advice is beyond belief. I hope you don't let it drag you down too much as you said you were doing okay after the divorce.

Dandelion1993 · 08/08/2019 11:44

It's all perspective and what's okay for you.

My DH is self employed so accepted a long time ago that there is never a non-working trip away.

We've had times where he's had to miss holidays, go home early, miss school plays becuase of work but we just accept it.

If he doesn't do it, we don't earn any money.

VivaLeBeaver · 08/08/2019 11:47

Wow, can't believe he left the holiday as the OW was in labour! Jesus, obviously you're pissed off now you know the truth but imagine she wasn't very happy about starting labour on her own, etc. Yes, I get she made her bed, etc but what a total cunt he was to you, his kids, the OW.

Guess in a way although understandably it has knocked you for 6 you need to look at it as confirmation splitting up with him was the best thing to do. Even though you didn't know the full story at the time.

Does he still see your girls? I take it they don't know they have a half sibling?

Cocolapew · 08/08/2019 11:51

Shock was his sister covering for him?
What a kick in the teeth, I hope you and the girls are coping Flowers
Bastard.

DowntonCrabby · 08/08/2019 11:52

Christ, what an utter coward, among other things.

Did she know he was married? Poor cow either way, she’s clearly had the same treatment.

You are so well rid, this will be a huge shock no doubt but you’re already well down the road of moving on.

How are your DC?

HollowTalk · 08/08/2019 11:55

And he was after sympathy for working so hard! What a bastard.

Wellmet · 08/08/2019 11:57

Good lord, you poor thing. Well at least he's proved unequivocally that you are better off without him.

What a total bastard.

3luckystars · 08/08/2019 11:58

What a rat.

I'm so sorry he has hurt you and hope you will be happy for the rest of your life without him. Best wishes to you and your children x

dottiedodah · 08/08/2019 12:02

I dont think hes got then time or energy to have an affair really!.If he was poor as a child ,he obviously wants better for his family which is to be admired .However he will make himself ill if he doesnt slow down a bit!.Can you compromise and have W/E away or short breaks maybe .When he is established in his post ,he can maybe delegate a bit .Speak to him and say the girls need to see him as well for quality time not just his paycheck!

EffYouSeeKaye · 08/08/2019 12:02

Jesus H Christ!! I’m so sorry to read this update op.

Did his sister know?

Nearlyalmost50 · 08/08/2019 12:07

Well, he obviously did have time for an affair. Poor you OP. What a shock. I have never known a wealthy or important (I mean politically or in terms of management) man who didn't have time for an affair. In fact, they usually manage to schedule that in just fine. I also know a very wealthy man who gets his PA to arrange money/gifts to OW (more than one). Of course they have time!

Wowzel · 08/08/2019 12:07

My dad used to regularly end up doing things like this on holiday.

My mum was livid when we were in Spain and he flew to the USA, leaving us in the villa in Spain and then flew back to us 3 days later.

But... it was the money from this job that paid for things like the holiday in Spain in the first place.

SheilaHammond · 08/08/2019 12:09

My DH does this sometimes. He's a specialist freelancer and can't just turn down lucrative work. We usually need the money and I'm fine with it. He always gets back to the holiday as soon as he can. DC have never seemed to mind, I still make sure they have a good time. The key thing for me is that when DH is there, he's totally there, cooks, entertains DC etc, that really helps me not mind.

Wowzel · 08/08/2019 12:09

OMG - I hadn't read the update. WTAF - what a snake!

user1479305498 · 08/08/2019 12:10

Can people who post read any recent updates , so they don’t make inane and possibly upsetting comments

peekyboo · 08/08/2019 12:10

I wish people would read the update and not just comment on the first post on a year-old thread.

Horehound · 08/08/2019 12:10

@Wowzel and @SheilaHammond maybe you'd like to read the full thread...

Clutterbugsmum · 08/08/2019 12:10

Dandelion1993 I would you read the whole thread or even just the OP post it's moved along way since op H leaving the holiday early.

Any way OP I'm so sorry that he did this. I hope your future can be happy.

SheilaHammond · 08/08/2019 12:12

Fair point. Sorry I'm on phone and it's not loading very well.

underthebridgedowntown · 08/08/2019 12:12

@Dandelion1993 @dottiedodah @Wowzel ... RTFT

VivaLeBeaver · 08/08/2019 12:12

Must admit when I read the initial posts and you wrote his sister wouldn't stand for it so he couldn't be having an affair. I did think that blood is thicker than water. If she knew while she might not have been happy it doesn't mean she would have told you.

Parent999 · 08/08/2019 12:13

OP you must surely be looking at his situation and thanking your lucky stars youre out of it all now. Pour yourself a gin and tonic, sit back and enjoy some peace in your life. Just wow

Original poster
soelle · 08/08/2019 12:14

Thank you everyone for your kind messages.

Yep his sister was covering for him the whole time. I’m not sure why to be honest. I feel like I have a million questions for him and her but I’m not entirely sure what the point is. Knowing the gory details isn’t going to really change anything.

The OW did know he was married as she’s a colleague of his. I didn’t even know they were together, even post split, until this week.

I haven’t replied to her as I am not the right person to offer her support and although I can understand why she needs it, she needs to look elsewhere. Her asking me for advice about him because I know him better just seems a bit selfish on her part.

My DDs are blissfully unaware that they have a new sibling, I’m leaving that to their father to explain. Ironically he has seen more of them since the split than he did before which is good for them. He knows I know but hasn’t really said anything to me the last time he collected the kids.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel at the moment. I’m not even remotely ready to move on to another man so find it unbelievable that he’d be able to do it so easily and especially as we were still together for a couple of months after his new child was born. The fact he lied so effortlessly to everyone confirms I’ve done the right thing but over the last few days I feel like I’ve been taken straight back to this time last year and I feel so hurt.

OP posts:
SheilaHammond · 08/08/2019 12:15

Ok have read now. Bollocks Soelle that's awful. Good job you got out when you did. All the best for a happy future xx

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