Happy marriage after cheating? Please tell me this can work!

[Fellow]

Has anyone ever been able to sustain a long and happy marriage after cheating?

I don't trust anything about him. He's been amazing since it came out and he has been brutaly honest (it's what I wanted). But how does it work? How do you get past it?

So if you don't trust him, what's the point? If he does it again you'll be back to square one. Would you forgive him again?

I haven't forgiven him now. I know the saying is forgive but never forgotten. But in my case I think I could forget it but I won't ever forgive. If he did it again i walk away with everything and he leaves with nothing. And has to repay me what he owes me on top. So I would be better off if he did do it again. But that's the rational side. When we are together it's almost like nothing happened it's better than it was before. But as soon as I'm alone I cry and can't stop thinking about it xx

I admire your optimism Grapes.

In my experience they just get better at covering their extra marital dalliances, and the first affair you find out about isn't the first one they had - it's just the first time they slipped up and got caught.

Not having a dig at you for continuing your relationship, I have real admiration for betrayed parties who can do that, it takes nerves of steel and a huge capacity to forgive and move on. I wish I could have done it.

I've known successful reconciliation post cheating by both men and women...even one where she got pregnant by the OM and the OM was black...So obvious the baby isn't her DHs.

However the humiliation of everyone knowing and talking about it as in your case would be more than I could deal with.

Premeditated infidelity (ring off and sneaking back) and subsequent denials to the very end would seal his fate or chance of reconciliation.

I totally understand the poster who said they could forget but not forgive (the opposite to usual way of thought) because I too feel that way. I find the forgetting quite easy in day to day life, but the forgiving, not really.

Some days will be okay and then others you just think about it and it eats you up. You just need to distract yourself and not let your self think about it cause it will make it harder

There’s some things that even time can’t fix. Like grief. You can learn to live with it but you will always carry the damage with you and nothing can ever really make things like they were before.

It can “work” if by work always being suspicious and second guessing but putting on a smile is working and him never doing anything but work without you.

Late home from work? Is he with someone
Lad night out? Is he with someone
Working away? Is he with someone
Took too long at the shops? Is he with someone

You can put a broken mirror back together with glue but it will never look the same and have the same unspoiled beauty it did.

Rather than this mirror will never let me down it’s the perfect mirror you will see it’s flaws and well it’s only let me down once but it could again I guess but I hope not.

It can work. But the trust will never fully return. The thought will always be jammed in the back of your head.

There's an infidelity thread on here HTH

@chillpizza hit the nail on the head there