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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He calls my son names

124 replies

Sally16777 · 15/08/2018 17:18

Hey,

I have been with my boyfriend for six years, it has been a difficult relationship and my teenage son has been very naughty over the years, he’s made my life very difficult at times and now lives with his dad, although we remain close despite the difficulties.

My boyfriend has witnessed much of this, we have never lived together and just won’t get past my sons behaviour, which was basically lots of teenage anger and nastiness, nothing terrible.

We were out with friends the other night and he told them my son was a fat c. Of course they were shocked and disgusted. His friend spoke to him the next day and said he can’t call my son those names, he’s still only 16, and I said to him the next day to not do it and he said ‘but he is a fat c. This is never to my sons face as my boyfriend wants never to see him again after the troubles we have had where as I am trying to move on and rebuild our relationship and make sure he does well at college etc.,

The fact he calls my son these names has made me realise I need to end the relationship..is it as bad as I think it is that he calls my son these names in his absence? Or should I understand that he didn’t like his behaviour and this is ok?

I adore my son despite everything and I just can’t bare the names I hear him called.

OP posts:

Raven88 · 15/08/2018 17:21

How did he make your life difficult? Sounds like for the past 6 years he has had to put up with your boyfriend.

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 15/08/2018 17:21

You think someone is going to say that calling 16 year old kids 'fat cunt' to his mother and family/friends is ok?

Grumpyoldblonde · 15/08/2018 17:21

I see one cunt here. It all sounds a dreadful mess tbh and there's clearly a huge back story

Shockers · 15/08/2018 17:22

Get rid.

lifebegins50 · 15/08/2018 17:25

We all get frustrated with dc but there is a line and your boyf has crossed it!

He has contempt for your son which is not just dislike of behaviour. I imagine your sin felt his hostility and reacted to it.

I think someone who hates another person will often have to have a victim to pick on. If it wasn't your son, it could be you.

Original poster

Sally16777 · 15/08/2018 17:31

Yes there’s a huge back story and I couldn’t fit it all in but the worst thing my son did was punch walls, disrespected me and was miserable...he stirred up some trouble when he went to live with his dad but that’s all over now...he has 2 younger kids and I really embrace them but I’m finding it hard to spend time with them knowing my son would never be welcome

OP posts:

cantstandmenow · 15/08/2018 17:31

I'd have walked as soon as those words left his lips. He sounds like nothing more than a bully. So your son is "fat"? What age is your boyfriend? 8?

itsBritneyBeach · 15/08/2018 17:34

Get rid. Nasty bastard.

BibbityBobbityBollocks · 15/08/2018 17:43

Would you stay with him if he called you a fat cunt? Would you question whether it was okay because he didn't say it to your face?
The only thing to understand is no decent human being would call their partner's child a cunt.
It's not okay, nothing would make this okay

thethoughtfox · 15/08/2018 17:49

That phrase tells you everything you need to know about how he feels about your son. You are his mother. I would not tell someone what to do but I could not be with someone who had nothing but contempt for my child. He refuses to see him? Unless your son was violent towards him, there is no reason for this. How does your son feel about this?

thethoughtfox · 15/08/2018 17:51

Your partner has two children who you embrace as part of your new family and your son is rejected? Your partner has pushed him out and you have allowed him to create a new family unit without your son. He will have life long issues because of this.

GreenMeerkat · 15/08/2018 17:52

He sounds vile. Speaking about a child like that is unacceptable!

Teenagers have their issues, and if he can't accept yours then how is going to cope with his own when they get to that age?

Get rid. Now.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 15/08/2018 17:53

You’ve not exactly done well by your son here. It is worrisome that you even have to think about leaving this horrible man.

Girlslikeme · 15/08/2018 17:55

It goes without saying that those comments are entirely unacceptable but also where is your bf’s loyalty to you to speak like that about your son to other people?

Hernameisdeborah · 15/08/2018 17:56

Your poor son. How dare your twat of a BF talk about your child that way. He is abusing you both. Get rid now.

Raven88 · 15/08/2018 18:05

He may have felt like he wasn't welcome in his own home so his behaviour may of been him trying to deal with his feelings. I wouldn't be surprised if your DH was treating your son worse then you know.

If you don't pick your son now he may never forgive you.

Original poster

Sally16777 · 15/08/2018 18:10

Just to be clear...my bf and my son never lived together, I have my own house and it was clear living together wouldn’t have worked due to the issues...it was holidays and weekends they saw each other, most of the problems were at my house between me and my son e.g. him punching the wall if I told him to turn his music down...my bf witnessed very little of it but yes I’m sure he picked up on the vibes on holidays etc,.

OP posts:

TwistedStitch · 15/08/2018 18:15

You call your relationship with your boyfriend 'difficult' yet have chosen to remain in it through your son's formative years from ages 10-16. Do you think that had an impact on him and his behaviour? Either way, surely you can't continue to want to be intimate or involved in any way with a man who speaks about your child so terribly.

ChoudeBruxelles · 15/08/2018 18:17

Maybe your behaves like that because your boyfriend is a twat.

Ragwort · 15/08/2018 18:18

Honestly, have some self respect for yourself and your son and get rid of this waste of space - what can he possibly add to your life? He sounds absolutely shocking.

marsbarsandtwix · 15/08/2018 18:18

That's awful. LTB. Why would you even consider staying with a man who said that about your son??

Seniorschoolmum · 15/08/2018 18:19

To be honest I would leave anyone who thought it was ok to call someone names like that. He sounds horrible. Selfish and unsupportive.

There are much nicer people out there.

TwistedStitch · 15/08/2018 18:20

Tbh if you genuinely aren't sure if you should stay with a man that calls your child a fat cunt then it sounds like he's better off living with his Dad.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2018 18:20

Very fair points above.

He hates and despises your son. You need to break up and put him behind you.

Children can be infuriating and he was 10, pretty young, when you got together. He might have found it difficult to see your son’s behaviour but your son is still the child in this and he’s showing total contempt for you by using such disgusting language about your child.

Lynne1Cat · 15/08/2018 18:21

He's a nasty fucker. I could never stand by and let anyone call my sons any names. I think you should have had your son living with you, not this arsehole.

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