Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Quick fly by:

As predicted it’s got a lot quieter on POF. I will add another site just dunno which yet.

Seeing Herr Flick next week, extricated self from Too Young Doesn’t Drive and Mr Waugh has stopped messaging in (sort of) mid convo, so he’s toast.

Lots of one word messages from “48” year olds that are other outright liars or have had stupendously hard lives. I’m guessing the former.
So I’ll adjust my message settings again and things can completely dry up.

Message ends.

Hi all, I hope it is not too late for me to jump on this wagon? I have read the full thread and found it hilarious! You ladies rock!

I have a question for you experts of OLD. I know dating multiple people is encouraged as a way to avoid over-investment, but what if you have met and have been out a couple of times with someone you really like and click with, and you simply have no interest in other guys? Do you force yourself even if you are not feeling it?

I am afraid I am a hardcore monogamous at heart, sigh

Trovi i wouldn't necessarily meet other guys but I would keep some chats going. This is from a relative noob who is learning fast and yes, also monogamous at heart!

Have been enjoying outrageous chat from a cheeky younger guy this morning. So funny! Also a slightly less outrageous and more eligible guy who I'm hoping might be able meet after I've been on holiday.

I've dusted myself off from Mr2drinks now. Onwards!

Lol cover we obviously attract the same 48 year olds. One on mine has a photo from 2006 (it's got a date stamp!) Probably the last time he actually was 48!

Trovi I am piss poor at multiple dating. It is partly a time thing & partly because I find dating quite emotionally tiring. That's not to say I'm a wibbling, jelly mess, but the whole meeting someone new thing is tiring for me. That doesn't mean I emotionally over-invest too quickly but I do recognise my own limitations.

You have to do what is right for you.

Aargh! Matched with a cute guy on Bumble. He's in London till tomorrow. Has asked to meet me tonight but clearly is just looking for a hookup. I was expecting drinks/dinner/laughs. I'm not really into a ONS with a complete stranger. Not sure what to do now. Say something or block?

kin you need to let us all in on your secret, how do you do it? (I'm laughing at your description of yourself, I am sure you aren't as described!)

daffo I hope things go somewhere with MrPhoto, he sounds promising! That's a bit annoying about how guys use Bumble - ill stick with it anyway, there is an eternal optimism in me somewhere

vet - wow-I think it would take me 10 years to get 82 matches, can't decide if it is just me or where I am based! Sorry about MrDM btw, how very bizarre, but I'm glad you saw him on WhatsApp so you aren't wondering if something terrible has happened to him. Onwards and upwards, you seem to be having quite a few fun dates!
Welcome trovi

Well done for dusting yourself off mum , your chat with the younger guy sounds like just what you need!

I've managed to get 2 guys to chat to. Will think of names soon, as long as they don't disappear!

Well cake I was amused and enjoying it until there was one too many double entendres referring to lube and nobs and that was me out. Tedious wee shite lmao 🤣 I mean some attempt at conversation would be nice!

Hahaha mum, I just got a message on Tinder, first message said 'hi' which I hadn't had time to reply to yet then next message said 'you can come for a sleepover if you likex' ermmm, maybe try and chat to me first

cake not at all weird and unreasonable!

you need to let us all in on your secret, how do you do it?

Location, location, location - living near London is a massive advantage in terms of how many women are within a sensible search radius.

I think the next biggest factor is already having dates. If I'm not seeing anyone at all, OLD is really, really hard for me but as soon as I get one date in the calendar, I cease to care about outcome with other people I'm chatting to - this means I message for fun rather than with an agenda, making me more fun myself, and interesting too, I guess.

Realising perfection doesn't exist - I'll avoid big red flags but, beyond that, I'll consider meeting anyone who is interesting. Sometimes, a person's flaws are exactly what makes them interesting.

Not hung up on physical appearance - intelligence is the new sexy.

When it comes to messaging, I do like the look of my own text on the screen .

Have a lot going on - I'm genuinely busy (when not on gardening leave) and not needy.

I'm a bit of a flirt, or so I have been told. Maybe a tad arrogant too.

I'm laughing at your description of yourself, I am sure you aren't as described!

My description is pretty accurate.

hello can i join?

i have been single since april (2 kids to a different ex whom i get on with very well)

am in the beginning stages of dating a guy but it's so hard to keep detached - sex is amazing, great chemistry and he calls me a lot etc etc - however due to a previous dating experience i worry it's not genuine and he will end it

previous dating experience- guy from gym literally acted like he was smitten - promised this and that etc etc then all of a sudden was like "i need time for myself"
i wasn't so cut up as it had been 2 weeks but we had seen each other almost daily, it was the complete shock of the end of you get me- he still is sniffing about but i'm not interested but remain friendly as we go the same classes

i seem to have a 95% match rate on bumble but it got exhausting going throu the matches and felt really shallow if you get me

at what point do you have the exclusive chat?

1moreRep If you ask me, the exclusivity chat should happen on date 3. In reality, I think for most people 2/3 months in is the appropriate time.

at what point do you have the exclusive chat?

What does "exclusive" mean?

Mr Brazil 😕 why is it always the ones that I don't fancy who decide they'd do anything for me after one bloody date?!! He's a lovely bloke, I told him not to do it just for me, only if he really wants to. What else could I say??

awwww vet he sounds so lovely

1morerep I read your other thread, you're overinvesting and taking things far too quickly. Two weeks is literally nothing in dating terms, most people have only had one or two dates in that space of time and there's no commitment whatsoever on either side. It takes months to get to know someone properly, know if you're really compatible etc.

There's no set timescale for talking about exclusivity, for me it's before I start sleeping with them, which varies but usually around 4-6 weeks or 10ish dates. I'm not saying that's the 'right' way by any means but jumping in and expecting exclusivity 5 minutes after you start dating someone is unrealistic and rarely ends well.

jhene he is lovely, really sweet, but I'm not attracted to him 😕 It's always the way!

Vet: one date and he’s talking about something that significant? I’d find that massively off putting, myself.

Have another iron as of tonight, but the keenness is putting me off. I’m going to set up Curmudgeons Dating.

I know Cover. Tbh I think he's just quite naive; he's very sweet and the driving/car thing is a massive problem for me, but I don't fancy him and never will so it's moot really. I'm just not sure how to break it to him... it's going to be like kicking a puppy 🙈

1rep sorry, I think I was thinking of someone else's 'other thread' but the rest of what I said still stands!

Vet may I refer you to my stock “nope” message upthread? Pleasant but final; rip off the plaster. You really don’t owe the guy anything: he is still a stranger and you have zero future, so best own that, communicate that and move on. You really can’t manage anyone else’s feelings xx

How on EARTH do you all find so many people to date?

I live in a rural place, small village, not many towns within a 50 mile radius.. it's a big problem. So I set my search radius much further, but that's no help if the nice blokes don't do the same.. I can find them and message them first, but they don't find me.

Urgh. I'm going on to POF to randomly message inappropriate men for a laugh.

cold my thoughts to... How on Earth??

Cover I just scrolled back through about a hundred messages to find it I know I'm going to have to let him down but gah, I just know he's massively overinvested and I did/do like him, just not in the right way, and I feel awful telling him sorry but it ain't gonna happen. I will though, I'm not going to fade out or ghost him or anything. Right, man up Vet...

Cold I think location probably has much to do with it. I get a lot of comments that my profiles on the various apps are 'different' which men seem to like. I travel a lot and am very outdoorsy so my photos are of me rock climbing, messing around at the beach with my dogs, hiking in the mountains, standing on a volcano in South America etc. which works for the kind of men that I go for. They say that most profiles have the same photos - pouting mirror selfies, gym selfies, holding drinks, snapchat filters etc. so anything different and showing passions/interests stands out. The dogs also help, they're total man-magnets Not that I have millions of actual dates though but I do get a lot of matches on the apps and messages on POF (99% of which I don't respond to).