Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

cold I have the same issue as you, I am rural, and in Scotland so not exactly got a big pool to start with. I just have to accept that my dating life will be much slower than others on here! It is annoying though and I do sometimes think that I want to move!!

The over investing on text/WhatsApp before meeting is madness. Do people not watch Catfish ;). Mr Photo was so promising but he has gone full in over investing with me and it totally puts me off! I am still seeing him Sunday but I half wish I wasn't now.

Am away quite a bit over the next 2 weeks and need to 're think my approach as I'm converting v few 1st dates into 2nd ones and need to figure out why!

re think my approach as I'm converting v few 1st dates into 2nd ones and need to figure out why!

From what you've said on here, you don't want 2nd dates with the men you are meeting so that's a good thing, isn't it?

thanks i am new to this thing so i'm happy to wait for the 'chat'. i just don't want to upset anyone if i go on other dates etc.

Anyway we went for local drinks but he asked to borrow £30 until he gets paid for a mechanic job today (he's just started in the emergency services so does fixing bikes to supplement his income). i was but leant him the money as i'm with him until tonight so let's see if he pays me back..... However he has previously been to mine and bought stuff from the shop/ paid when we have been out so i guess it's fair enough ? i paid the last time when we got a pizza as he had left his wallet at work. only £20 so no big deal, i just don't want to get fucked about

he is so nice and i really like him but i can't afford to fund a man child- am i over reacting ? (i always do)

on another note the profile thing i always have one pic where i'm in the gym no make up etc- this way they see what they are getting - always have a body shot too. i'm rural but like a local search area as i can't be bothered travelling

in your bio be fun and give them a topic they can talk to you about as some men are incredibly awful at chatting women up. For example mine was "when i'm not working crazy shifts, you'll find me in the gym or with my kids. Love the outdoors, cooking, dad jokes and the league of gentlemen. However be warned, i don't share food. Ever."

the food thing gave them a line to talk to me about.

never use snapchat filters. Ever. Men hate them.

1more I started off not wanting to talk to or date more than one person at a time but I think, as others have said, first of all it does stop you over investing and second of all, if you have a busy life, doing one at a time can really take a long time! If I did it that way when I'm busy I would probably end up only seeing one person a month.

kin yes possibly or maybe I need to be more discerning about who I see for first date. I'm actually in and out for 3 weeks not 2 so it will all slow down now anyway. Then back to work full time plus travelling so it's all going to grind to a snail's pace!

yes possibly or maybe I need to be more discerning about who I see for first date

We could probably all say that! But sometimes you have to meet someone to know - online and real life personas can often be quite different.

Hi all, joining again and really need to start getting serious with this dating thing. I've been single for nearly 4 years. The only person I have to do stuff with is the ex and the only way to get away from this is to find someone new.
I struggle with online dating as I'm quite shy and will find it hard to meet strangers but it's the only choice I have as I don't go out (unless it's with the kids or the ex)
Anyway I'm on just tinder and bumble at the moment as its seems to have the most choice, Ok Cupid and POF was the same old faces over and over again.
I'm talking to one guy on tinder at the moment who seems ok to chat to but I'm not 100% sure I'm attracted to him?
Another guy has just messaged me this morning who is a doctor which could be interesting but again I'm not instantly attracted to him from the pics.
Do you always have that instant attraction and if not do you pass straight away or give it a go based on their bio?
Do you think it's worth going on a paid site or are tinder etc just as Good?

Also weirdly have not had one date off POF - all mine are coming off Bumble where I have written v little about myself lol.

So perhaps it's me and my life/personality that isn't compatible with men not the other way round ;)

I v rarely have instant attraction and also I find a lot of men look worse than their photos anyway. I do have a physical type I like though and tend to go for that.

Morning thread an wise mumsnetters :)

So date no 5 with Mr Suprise (surf/ski) last night, we had take out sushi again and came back to mine. Nice evening again, lots of laughing, chatting, chilling. We snogged quite a bit. Despite having made sure I had condoms in the house I didn't progress things further, he is follolwing my lead for sure. I want to, i like him, but for some reason am holding back. We had a chat, he understands where I am at. Not pushy at all, very gentlemanly. It was wamr here, had shorts on, my legs were on his kness most the night and he spent most of the night stroking them. If my FWB touches my leg within 5 minutes we are naked so not sure why I am holding back so much.

Anyway, he is super keen, he is very sweet and nice, that scares me a little bit. Have a nice day!

Vet when I told MrMr I did feel a bit shit, especially when he didn’t reply. Until a month later 🙄

It’s just part and parcel of (online) dating and it can feel difficult which is why so much disappearing/ghosting goes on. At least you’re being honest/well-mannered.

Hi Nel,

I struggle with online dating as I'm quite shy and will find it hard to meet strangers

Remember, the more dates you go on, the easier it will get. You're also a stranger to them so you have that in common.

I'm talking to one guy on tinder at the moment who seems ok to chat to but I'm not 100% sure I'm attracted to him?

Meet him for a quick coffee? Minimal time investment and afterwards you'll know one way or another instead of wondering.

Another guy has just messaged me this morning who is a doctor which could be interesting but again I'm not instantly attracted to him from the pics.

Ever dated someone who became more physically attractive the more you got to know them? It happens!

Do you always have that instant attraction and if not do you pass straight away or give it a go based on their bio?

It's all about the bio for me - personality > looks

Do you think it's worth going on a paid site or are tinder etc just as Good?

I've not been on a paid site in ages but, when I did, it was largely the same people that could be found on the free ones.

I get a lot of comments that my profiles on the various apps are 'different' which men seem to like. I travel a lot and am very outdoorsy so my photos are of me rock climbing, messing around at the beach with my dogs, hiking in the mountains, standing on a volcano in South America etc. which works for the kind of men that I go for.

Mine is exactly the same - Me with my dog, me hiking, me in a kayak, on a volcano, one of me looking nice in a dress but the rest are all of me doing stuff. I don't have Snapchat filters, and certainly no pouty selfies. I'm relatively decent looking for my age (39), no kids... but I just get loads of messages of blokes I don't fancy going "You're beautiful" and the ones I like don't respond... there's clearly a mis-match going on there somewhere.

Just messaged a nice normal looking bloke with the same breed of dog as me. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

What does "exclusive" mean?

Kinukir For me it means "we are not seeing other people while we see where this thing between us goes". Old-fashioned, I know!

On another note - why do men think that you viewing their profile is an invitation for them to tell you they don't fancy you?

I've had two messages now off blokes that I had viewed, but hadn't messaged. One was the "No, Never, Nope" comment.. to which I replied "That's OK I was thinking the same thing!"

Another one today - first contact, I hadn't messaged him... "No, not for me thanks".. I couldn't resist replying "Erm, I didn't message you mate!"

He deleted the conversation.

Do men think you viewing their profile is you longing after them, and they feel the need to reject you? Does it not occur to them that you may have clicked on their profile picture, taken one look and decided you don't fancy them?!

how rude couldneverbe!
i would be livid! what site is that on

Cold sorry you’ve been that unfortunate twice in a row. There’s plenty of ignorant twats out there, we all get exposed (need a better word there ) to them from time to time.
Think about what sort of man needs to proactively try to put down a complete stranger; I feel desperately sorry for the women they “approve” of who don’t see that side of them from the get go.

And no, it possibly doesn’t occur to them. But who cares??

It was on POF both times

It's odd... and insulting. And astoundingly arrogant for them to assume that you looking at their profile means you fancy them but dont have the guts to message - when in actual fact in both cases, I had looked at their profiles and instantly wasn't attracted to them.

cold I think a lot of men on there believe they are gods gift and can chose who ever they want to date. I have had a few nasty posts in the past slagging off things in my profile even though I had shown no interest in them anyway.

I’m being a bit lazy with OLD, I have quite a few messages on POF but haven’t got around to answering any yet. Had a really nice message from one guy but sadly he’s not my type (not pleasing to the eye) and I feel bad not responding, he obviously put some effort into the message he sent me. I’m not really talking to many people, just the odd message here and there, didn’t want to get into messaging someone new just before I go on holiday as I don’t want to be phone watching whilst away.

1more there’s mannerless dickheads everywhere online, sadly. I’m not at all bothered by anything a total stranger could say to/about me: it always says way more about them.

And I’m guilty of eye rolling at certain messages/profiles, I know. But I tell myself that as I block out identifying info it’s not quite so rude.....

I get almost no messages on POF apart from the youngsters. No one my age at all. I think I'm going to have to redo my profile!

OK experienced ones... What is kik? And if someone uses it are they dodgy?

I was chatting to a guy on match a few weeks ago. He's popped up on bumble now but he says he doesn't like bumble messenger. He's given me his number for WhatsApp but says he's on kik too if I prefer. I was keen but bit unsure about kik?

kik is like WhatsApp but you can remain anonymous, whereas using WhatsApp means you have to give your number. it gives protection both ways.

people use it for the anonymity and the video chats. you can imagine why. if you agree, you need to download the app and create a login and username which you then exchange with him and you connect via the app. You'll know fairly soon if he wants to use it to send or request pics and/or video chatting, because he won't waste any time once you are there ime. But it's easy to leave and ignore or block. He won't have your phone number

Thanks Bendy. So at worst I risk finding out he's a sleeze who want to send dodgy dick pics I guess. Haha... Wish me luck lol!