Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

P.s. the only thing that's holding you back is your mindset, change your mindset and everything else will fall into place.

If you think things will go wrong then it almost becomes a self fulfilling prophecy..... If you believe they will go right then you will radiate that vibe.

X

Marking my place, I jumped in and have joined two sites. 😬

I am diving back into OLD after an 18 month relationship ended in May. I need help.

My self esteem has taken a bit of a battering, not only from the breakup, but I because I ended up having half of one of my breasts removed last year. I've been referred to Plastics now but there's a long wait and I feel less than sexy. I also have ME which seems to be hugely off putting to must men.

I've now been on three dates with a really lovely guy I met on Tinder. I shall call him Mr Ethics. We seem to have lots in common, particularly professionally/academically and he's really nice. Each date has lasted 4-5 hours, with conversation flowing easily and lots of laughing. We message daily and he seems interested in what's going on in my life, I genuinely enjoy his company and find him attractive.

But I don't know if he actually fancies me! He's made no attempt at physical contact beyond a hug and cheek peck hi/bye. I am absolutely useless at flirting and dating in general, I just find it really confusing and unsettling. I'm at a stage where I just want to ask him where this is headed but I don't want to scare him off and have no idea how to word it. How would you proceed?

three dates... Each date has lasted 4-5 hours... with conversation flowing easily and lots of laughing

He fancies you!

Is he shy or just a bit too gentlemanly do you think? And why not ask, it's 2018 - you're allowed to be forward

welsh if someone doesn't make a move on me, it takes me at least till date 5-6 to make a move on them so maybe he is just like that? Don't ask - only way to figure it out is to make a move yourself. Go in for a kiss at the end of a date next time and see what happens

Mr NY has changed his plans so we can meet sooner. We are talking every day. It is utterly insane. Still think there is a good possibility it wont work in real life so no investment (hasnt been easy though). FWB about to come back into play as he's been on holiday.

cover I also won't start a relationship off on a lie and I think less of men who do lie about their age! Did I tell you about the date last year where the guy was 9 years older AND looked even older than his real age. When I walked into the coffee shop, I said this better be your older brother and not you. It was horrific!

POF’s offerings today.

First message of the day...
“Hey, want to control me and my orgasms at your amusement?”

Second message of the day...
“You could come paddle boarding with me in my van as long as you don’t mind the smell of weed”

< bangs head against brick wall>

Why do I attract these people? Why is POF full of tossers?

I had "do you love sex, are you wet a lot of the time". Nice...
Block.

Omg are these all as first messages?? Jesus Christ. Get off POF and try something else.

I had "do you love sex, are you wet a lot of the time".

What the hell is wrong with these men...

... everyone knows that should be a semi-colon instead of a comma!!

That was - allegedly - from a woman, not a man. Chinny reckon though...

The paddleboarding guy blocked me, all I answered with was “I don’t like the smell of weed” and he vanished

Doesn’t give me much hope. Last week I got messaged by someone who decided to start talking about his ex, turned out I know his ex and from what I have heard he is an abusive twat (she moved house to get away from him).

Hey Thread

Not checked in for a while, Vet Amazing, everything crossed!
Rich Dan and Kin nice to have male perspectives on the crazy world of OLD. Corvid you are well shot of weird flat guy!
Love I agree pof IS full of tossers,women and men by the sounds of it, with the odd nice people hidden deep within. But I can't face setting up a new profile on Bumble etc, how lazy am I!

I have a few new ones on the go, farmer, joiner and IT, they are all very different but I haven't met IT yet. Farmer is intriguing, joiner is sweet but may be too sweet for me. I know it may be sensible to go for the nice guy, but I also know I get bored easily and complex one is more interesting to me. This may explain why I am still single!
IT seems the best match due to sense of humour but he is very laid back about setting a date (which is making him more appealing as he has a full and interesting life)
I'm starting to feel that as much as I think I am laid back, and non demanding, I am actually quite hard to please!

I've not been on here in days. I've just spent ages catching up!

kin your semi colon comment absolutely cracked me up!

love don't lose heart. We all know we have to sift through so many idiots to find the right one. But he's out there for you. I'm glad you asked Mr VW out.

daffo that's so exciting about Mr NY. He must be keen if he's changed his plans to meet you sooner.

cover I find it hilarious those that are clearly lying about their age. As they get older it seems to happen more often. It'll say 49, and they're clearly over 60

Reading the thread though it seems like quite a few of us are having some luck, which is fab.

I've had quite a week. Mr Cat and Mr Museum have both bowled me over.

Mr Cat is very attractive, very quirky, very not vanilla and very funny. He sends the loveliest messages and we spoke on the phone on Friday. He's clearly looking for something long term too and seems very keen.

BUT Mr Museum is pipping him at the post. We have had long WhatsApp conversations this week then on Friday night we spoke on the phone for 2.5 hours! He then called me twice yesterday for over an hour. As with vet's experience with Mr Canada, this is so different to anything I have had before. We talk and talk. He's very open about what he is looking for. And we're both very taken aback at just how easy it all is between us.

He's booked a hotel in London next weekend (he lodges in the SE during the week and usually goes back home at weekends so nothing suspect about the hotel at all). We're meeting up on Saturday. He said I can stay over (but neither of us are bothered about DTD, we just want to get to know each other) or go home. He is very laid back and wants me to feel comfortable and has no problem if I don't stay. This is really paraphrasing it all. I genuinely have never experienced this before. There's no lovebombing at all. It's very much about talking and getting to know each other. Is it possible to be slightly smitten before you meet someone?

So the dilemma is Mr Cat. We were meant to meet today, and it just didn't feel right after the feelings I have for Mr Museum. And normally I don't mind multiple dating. I don't want to hurt Mr Cat, but whilst he's so lovely and we really click, I can't see a future for us. I think he might be too keen. I've never been in this situation before!!

Oh and Mr Academic wanted to meet up. First time in 8 weeks (although he messages every week). He's clearly looking for FWB so I said I couldn't meet.

Happy bank holiday weekend everyone. And I hope any planned dates go well!

A guy I’d been speaking to on POF and half arranged a date with messaged me last night asking where I’d disappeared to. I told him I’d deleted the app the day I went on holiday and he said we had a date planned and I didn’t have another way to contact me ... excuse me ... we had a date ‘planned’ the weekend before I went away when I was STILL ON POF and you didn’t contact me. Nice try mister ... 🙄

That's so exciting Tom!
I genuinely have never experienced this before. There's no lovebombing at all. It's very much about talking and getting to know each other. Is it possible to be slightly smitten before you meet someone?

I can categorically now state that yes it is possible I'm totally and utterly smitten with Mr Canada, we talk/video call for hours every day despite the time difference. A 3 hour call seems like 20 minutes. It's not lovebomby either, it's just real and open and natural and easy so I know exactly what you mean! We'll be meeting them on the same day too so good luck to both of us - roll on Saturday eh

I would usually say go on the date with Mr Cat anyway but I haven't been able to contemplate even talking to anyone else since a few days after starting to talk to Mr Canada and deleted all my accounts on the apps so I get how you feel about that too. If you can't see it going anywhere with him and you'll just be thinking about Mr Museum it might be best to cancel..?

Morning all, just checking in after a few days off the thread.

Welcome Cat, Beyond, and Welsh.

Cat, good luck with your date today. Try not to overthink it and see it as a clean slate!
Beyond, which sites have you joined?
Welsh, he must be interested! He's probably just shy. I'd get him drunk and snog his face but maybe you're not a complete teenager like me

Good to see there's lots of irons going on here at the moment!

I've had a compete rethink and decided that I only want FWB type situation. I've deleted all my old messages and started afresh, actually stating what I want and only messaging/replying to people who I find attractive. I can't face any more dates with 'nice blokes' who are good on paper but never pass the test that Vet mentioned - the one where you imagine them getting off on you?! . So far I've got two irons - MrReds and MrSim. Both started chatting to yesterday, so I'm finding being honest about what I want is getting better results! But it's early days so we shall see...

Daffo why don't you think it'll work with Mr NY in real life?

Cat cheeky git! I had one like that who arranged to meet up on a Tuesday, didn't bother to get in touch to actually arrange anything - I left it to him as we'd been messaging for a while and he had been a bit flaky before - and then merrily messaged back on the Thursday like it had never happened. I told him to jog on!

nokia I still like Mr Farmer

Tom, could you postpone MrCat until after you've met MrMuseum? That way you'll know when you've met him if it's something real. If it's a let down then you can give MrCat a chance. Although he might not want to be postponed for over a week of course!

Tom

I think that given your feelings about Mr Museum you would only have to let down Mr Cat at some point anyway.... It's probably a lot easier to do it now before you get too involved or if he starts getting too invested......

I know what you mean about clicking with smeone instantly. Had that myself just recently but he seems to have completely freaked himself out and I'm just giving him time to think about stuff (it's killing me by the way.....)

The connection we had was beyond anything I'd ever experienced before..... I'm waiting to see what he wants to do. If he's not ready to make that leap I'm going to have to just let it go. Hope it doesn't come to that though 😭

Quick update - man has emerged from his cave. Said he freaked out, all happened so quickly and he needs a bit of time to think about everything. I've told him that I really enjoyed getting to know him and that I would just be giving him some space to work stuff out.

So there we are..... Now I'm just going to get on with my life & see what happens.

Ugh Vixen I'm sorry. It's rubbish when that happens. I hope you're ok and he comes to his senses - but only if he really does deserve you and isn't emotionally messed up/flaky

Vet I'm actually feeling ok about it. I'm glad he was honest with me and able to articulate how he was feeling. I knew it would be because it has been such a whirlwind few weeks.

I'm an optimistic person, if it is meant to be then it'll work out and if it wasn't then I'll just move along.

It would be a shame if it didn't because it felt real. I hope in time he realised this too. He was waaaaaaaay in head over heels morseo than me. So I get the retreating thing.

Hello all. Back from my holiday and checking in.

vixen you sound like you have your head screwed on. He will hopefully twig that you are a catch and he's daft to let a good connection go.

I've checked back with my pre holiday irons. One replied quite quickly so fingers crossed. I really like his photos but don't know anything about him yet so v v early days.

The other has disappeared from Bumble and hasn't replied on kik. I've had a few spidey senses about this guy already. I'm wondering if he's married. Anyone else got some good clues when this is the case?

I am back at work soon so I will have less time to bother soon but glad I've at least been brave enough to dip a toe in so far with dating.

I'm an optimistic person, if it is meant to be then it'll work out and if it wasn't then I'll just move along.

That's a great attitude to have, I'm glad you're ok and it would totally be his loss, but hopefully not!

I’m now wishing I hadn’t asked Mr VW out, I have a feeling he’s a bit like a old iron from several years ago who got very clingy. He messages me non stop all day, yesterday he was at a wedding and appolagised for not chatting as much (he still messaged loads). I’m trying to back away a bit. I have another iron who I met on the same FB group, I shall call him Mr Kayak, he seems a bit more down to earth but still a little bit needy, he wants to meet up in the near future. I have no irons that I feel are relationship material , they all seem really needy. Back to the drawing board I think.