Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

eesha I pay for bumble and it's definitely worth it. It wasn't expensive and i just did the option where you pay to see who has swiped you. Otherwise it takes bloody ages and I had no patience for that!

The messaging thing on okcupid is utterly ridiculous. It's a horrifically designed site! But I also like the longer profiles and I can immediately see some traits in people that I know if I discovered months down the line it would put me off!

I have still only ever had dates from bumble.

Pof I deleted my profile. Okcupid I've been on a week I think and have had one or two interesting conversations.

But I find the whole 292 people have liked you and I spent hours swiping yesterday and only found 2 that had liked me....makes me a bit hmmmmm

I've paid for bumble, definitely makes it easier when you can see who's already matched you. A few irons on the go. Mr Tree seems to have fizzled out. I could probably resurrect it with a few messages but I can't be bothered to chase him. I've got another 3 potentials who I think I'll arrange dates with after my holiday next week. Onwards and upwards!

the thing is, I messaged a few who swiped me and a couple wrote back but a few didn't bother. Why swipe!!!!

Why swipe!!!!

I've sometimes just swiped on the pics, and then only read the profiles of women I actually match with, to save time. Often, I would find their intent is different to mine, hence no message being sent.

I think some men just swipe on everyone and then decide whether they want to message people once they get a match. Annoying though

@coverme, yeah its an interesting one with the FWB. I didn't really mean it to happen. He was an ex who stayed a friend and then the B bit started. I'm wary of developing feelings again but so far, ok.
I've got quite a high sex drive, so I find this stops me making any quick decisions when I am dating and be a lot pickier!
Bumble and Tinder are dire for me at the moment, got a few chats going but they are all super busy so not sure how any of them would work

Many guys have told me they swipe on all women then decide when they get a match. I think it's an ego thing to get as many matches as possible

Does anybody else get suspicious (but also slightly curious) when they come across profiles with no info whatsoever and no photos?

I get a few Bumble matches that disappear immediately. It is annoying. I've paid for it before and loved it. It makes things much easier.

And I agree OKC is not user friendly at all. I hate how I can't see a message if we've not matched. Then I have to swipe to find the damn thing!!

I've got a few on the go.

Mr Museum - we had some really lovely conversations on WhatsApp over the weekend. He's so easy to talk to and he said the same and how much he'd enjoyed talking. I sent him a hello yesterday, he replied then nothing since!! It's so frustrating. Maybe he's just biding his time a bit? We've both made it clear we don't want to rush into anything, so I'm hoping he's just being cautious. I don't know. But I felt a connection with him (and I know it's online so it's not real) that I've not felt with anyone else for a long time. Luckily in my head I'm saying "it's all bullshit until it happens".Thanks MN! And I'm not messaging now. He can come find me. It's frustrating though.

Mr Cat is utterly charming and funny. Clearly a complete charmer, and probably got loads on the go, but he's fun.

Mr Massage is also quite sweet. Not the best conversationalist, but he's warming up.

I dropped her a casual message last night about the second date dinner and she hasn't responded. My first experience of being ghosted.

Onwards and upwards though, will continue swiping right and see what happens.

Ghosting happens Rich but you've had a date recently so you're already on the right path. Stay positive and get some more in the diary quickly.

The more women you meet, the easier this OLD gets. You'll soon find yourself spending more time filtering potentials than searching for new ones.

'I think some men just swipe on everyone and then decide whether they want to message people once they get a match. Annoying though'

then surely this means why bother paying?....

Because a lot don't, and it saves you trawling through a massive list of people only to get no matches. At least this way you're guaranteed to get to send a message, which may or may not make people decide to message back

I feel like I'm getting into the swing of things with messaging now. I think my messages are becoming more confident and funny (if I do say so myself), however, I'm still getting next to no responses. My favourite one is where you send a message, see that that person looked at your profile, and then just couldn't bring themselves to reply. I went back on Bumble, and although I started getting a few matches, the ones I have got are from women about 5 years older than me who really haven't made a lot of effort with their profile / pictures. I'm a reasonably well educated guy with a professional job. None of my pictures are selfies and I like to think I'm in decent clothes for all of them.

Is it possible to just be too ugly / unattractive for OLD? I've always put my lack of success with women down to not having much in the looks department

Hi Dan. I am a woman and I am going to say something that might sounds a bit cynical, so bear with me: it is possible to have pictures that are too terrible to reply to.

But it is probably also possible that anyone nice and funny CAN get good pictures taken that are nice enough (get a good friend to help take some flattering ones) to solicit replies.

Smile at someone you genuinely like and have them take a nice picture, in nice light, from a good angle. Wear your favourite shirt in the colour that is best for you and dont have any rubbish in the picture (jumbled grubby interiors, tangled venetian blinds, a coffee table behind you with a pizza box on it). Go outside and stand near a nice tree.

Here's a question: I am seeing a man on thursday for a fourth date. Third date included some pretty hot snogging and I am keen to take it further. He says "What's the plan?" What do I answer?

the answer I would like to give us "don't suggest drinks because I want to drive to yours, get at your body, have a nice time and be sober enough to drive home"

What should I actually say? (he lives about 10 miles away)

Hi Yeahcorvid, thanks for your response. I'm smiling in all of my pictures except one. My pictures are me in a suit jacket smiling at the camera taken whilst out celebrating with friends, a close up of me sat on the beach smiling at the camera, me playing guitar with my friends (smiling), me standing by a canal in Venice (smiling), and a full length shot of me walking on the beach (this is the one I'm not smiling in). I would have hoped that I had a decent range. Like I say, no selfies, no gurning, no doped up tigers and no drinking shots. If you'd like to take a look and give me your opinion, I can send you the link.

In response to your question, you should say exactly that!

I'm just going to leave this here...

WOO!

Dan - your pictures sound nice. I am sure you are nice too. I guess it's just numbers sometimes.

I don't think I can just say that! Maybe I should. He is not English and more direct in some ways than I am used to. Maybe I should be the same

Vet this is so exciting!!! I bet you can't wait. This adventure might need its own thread 😁.

I am just a little bit excited... he booked the flights so he's just as keen, if not more. Its crazy and insane and all that, but there's something there and we need to know so fuck it. I've travelled all over by myself, life's too short for if onlys and what ifs!

It's crazy even. Damn, I'm so giddy my grammar is going