Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

You can find Black Lace here:

Long time lurker on this thread - it’s made me see the light when I’ve been feeling really fed up. Anyway, went back OLD last week - I was a bit shocked and upset to find the guy who I had been seeing for 3 months and said he wasn’t ready for a relationship is back on there - came up as a potential match (I had massively over invested in him)
Decided to pull on my big girl pants and I’ve got two dates for next week! I shall call them Mr Car and Mr Plane. Not sure about either of them to be honest, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Feeling much more positive and I WILL NOT OVER INVEST!!

Kin from what I can gather he was jilted the day of his wedding, I’m not sure how long ago this was but it’s taken him a long time to get over it. I don’t know the details but I don’t think he’s dated much since and doesn’t tend to approach women (took him a while to message me). I’m sure men can be shy, the same as women? I can be a bit shy but after many dates I find it much easier.

Oh bless him. I forget sometimes that the men at the other end of this have the same hang ups and insecurities as the rest of us

I don’t want to chat to Mr VW for week s before meeting him. He seems really sweet and lovely but I prefer to meet someone ASAP incase we don’t click then I can move on. It sounds like he doesn’t plan on meeting for a while, we are going to the same even in 8 weeks time and I have a feeling he wants to wait until then which is crazy.

So I have no date today another day to myself.

POF has gone a bit dead, Sunday mornings usually throw up a selection of weirdos but so far only on message from someone who lives 100 miles away.

Yes I can't be doing with waiting either love. I am quite shy and nervous (though no one thinks I am!) but I do think if he's that reluctant, he's probably not ready to date!

well gym guy hasn't texted me back so i feeling shit- thinking of down loading bumble for other options but it keeps throwing up ppl from quite far away, plus what is gym guy sees and he gets upset? we haven't had any chats about relationships or exclusivity this time round

1more I have just downloaded bumble in hope to find some more irons to keep me busy. Don’t worry about Mr Gym guy seeing, I have been spotted on POF by Mr Camper, his loss for not making more of an effort.

Mr VW messages non stop all day (almost), I’m not sure if he just likes having someone to chat too but is too shy to ever meet. I have dropped loads of hints about not having anything to do today.

I have dropped loads of hints about not having anything to do today.

Stop dropping hints already and be direct Love! That way you'll know right now whether this has any legs or not.

I agree with Kin Love, it's pointless dropping hints and getting pissed off when he doesn't act on them. Just ask him if he wants to meet up and if he says no then say sorry but you're not after a pen pal. At least that way you know and you're not wasting your time.

1more so what if Mr Gym sees? You don't owe him anything, especially if he's not bothering to even contact you and you feel shit - why do you want someone who makes you feel like that??

So how do I appear cool and stop myself being so keen?

Tom I think as you said, don't reply immediately and let him lead the messaging a bit. Be mysterious! Don't tell him everything - you're the prize!

... I say all this but I've literally never spoken to anyone as much as to Mr Canada. Like 3-4 hour long video calls. We are going to meet soon, we decided we have to, so plans are afoot!

I messaged her yesterday at around midday just asking how she was and if she made it into work.

No reply as of yet. Should I write this one off or still message her tomorrow about our date on Tuesday?

Hi hi! I'm a name-changer / long time poster who's been taking a break.

Has anyone seen Been recently? Is she still on the smitten bench?

I've a question - asking for a friend (really!). What are the good hook-up sites - as opposed to dating sites?

I'm enjoying dating at the moment. It's been a mixed bag of bad and good but the bad have been so funny I've enjoyed telling my friends about them - no genuinely bad or dangerous experiences, just hilariously awkward men. I think I have finally got over the very sensitive and vulnerable post-long-term-relationship dating phase, where things going wrong can seem so very, very awful even if logically you know that you have so little invested there is no reason to feel hurt at all.

Beenthere was a huge part of me getting beyond that - she has a really structured, robust approach which I found really helpful - if she's around, I just wanted to say thanks.

Ta 1more and cover :)

Of course that's only talking about physical disability - there's a whole other issue of at what time I mention my asd... 😬 I think that would probably come after meeting as it's less of an obvious issue?

Though it's all just theoretical atm anyway. Maybe I do just need to just throw myself in and see what happens?

Hi Yeah, Been hasn't been on the thread for ages; she was one of the main posters when I started posting on here. Hopefully it's because she and Mr Tai Chi have sailed off into the sunset I've never used hook up sites but I think people on here have mentioned using Adult Friend Finder or Fab Swingers.

Beyond my take on it is that you don't need to make it public knowledge on your profile but I would be upfront with anyone I started chatting to who had meet-up potential.

Okcupid has a vast number of men just looking for hook ups. If you said that's what you wanted in your profile you would get loads of offers I reckon!

Rich a day is nothing in the grand scheme of things - don't think about giving up on someone for not messaging back in such a short period of time!

Yeah In addition to the sites Vet mentioned, your friend can also try stating her intent on the regular OLD sites. OKC is probably best for that though.

Love it does sound like maybe he isn't ready. But just to echo everyone else, be honest with him and ask him out. I'm chatting to Mr Museum at the moment. Neither of us are sure if we're ready for anything serious, and we don't want to rush meeting. But it felt good having an open conversation about it. We've been chatting loads on WhatsApp, there's no pressure to meet up and it's just nice to have someone to talk to. But you do need to find out if Mr VW is looking to date yet.

Vet thanks for the advice! I've left it all day, so might reply now. He has been on OKC, despite telling me he has no success. Don't you just love the stories they tell?! And that is so exciting about Mr Canada. I cannot wait to hear how this all pans out.

Thanks VetOnCall - I hope she is very happy too!

And thanks to everyone else about the hook up stuff. I'll suggest OKC. I met a guy on UKC who likes to have several fuck buddies on the go; not really my scene but he seemed quite interesting and weirdly we've sort of become friends without ever meeting, just whatsapp chat. There are some interesting people on there...

I'm using tinder. Not into hook ups per se, but I prefer casual dating and sexy friendships at the moment to looking for a full-on boyfriend.

Beyond, I was talking to a guy who I met on tinder who has a chronic illness of some kind that involves a few days of hospital treatment every month. He told me about this once we started talking about actually meeting (initially he had said at one point that he was going to be "away for a few days"; it turned out that this was in hospital and a regular thing). He dropped off my radar, I didn't drop him and I wasn't put off by it! I realised that it was a relief to him when he had told me, actually. My advice would be not to let it hang over you - if you feel it would be good to tell a person, tell them, rather than worry about it.

Hello I'm new! I downloaded Bumble yesterday in a fit of bravery and absolutely nothing happened (apart from me getting a bit freaked out by the number of possible
wanted felons, hi viz wearers and those apparently lounging naked on their living room floors on there) so I was going to try OKC next but reading the above posts I"m not sure that's for me. Is there any such thing as a site that's good for possible relationships rather than hook ups? Or is that an impossible ask?

I know I need to ask Mr VW out, I’m not sure if he’s ready or not to date, he says he’s just very shy. Today I found out his age, from his photos I thought he was 40 but he’s only 33 so he’s younger than me, this doesn’t seem to bother him though.

Ended up not doing much today and fell asleep this afternoon

violet I quite like Bumble. I've met several nice guys on there. It's basically a numbers game, if you start enough chats you'll find people looking for the same thing as you on any site. You just have to be prepared to weed out the... well, weeds 😊

Love just go for it! If he says he's not ready yet you can always keep chatting and ask again later, but st least you know where you are

Now it's really hard not to over invest. All I can say is keep dating and keep trying to boost your own confidence/morale so you move on from that guy quicker.

I was on this thread a few months ago but since then got messed around by a guy who I now know just wanted an ego boost he loved all the messaging but was really flakey with dates but still kept me dangling like a puppet.

Now I'm on bumble and finding it good but agree with pp it really is a numbers game. It's tiring going on dates where you have no connection, I'm always friendly and polite but try to leave after an hour or so if I know there s no spark.

Hoping we will all find great dates soon!

Definitely a numbers game. Also really worth trying not to think too hard about it all...

I actually have a bad % rate - of all my first dates, I've had 25% be complete cocks (one was aggressive and one just a prick), around 70% just nothing there (whether from my side or not) and 5% second date but nothing from there (yet!).

The 25% cocks almost put me off dating for good and this weekend, I've really had to give myself a talking to about it because it can knock you for six.

I don't know why men behave the way they do when they behave like that but I do know it's not worth losing any sleep over and it's not worth trying to analyse because in the end, it's about them not you :).

Okcupid is not yielding anything for me but it's an interesting site. Still not on tinder but that's probably my next step once I get to Sept. All my dates are still coming off Bumble (tend to have days where loads are matching then days and days with none!).