Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

love mr VW sounds like a goer as you will have loads in common. i too have a bad record with armed forces / my last relationship of 2.5 years was with a marine who was so abusive and it's put me off for life.

i'm up as gym guy has been texting me asking me how my night out was. i showed my best mate all the texts etc and she thinks he's genuine and really likes me- but we shall see

i love this thread as it stops me over obsessing lol as it's hard going from a relationship where i has to constantly update my where abouts to dating if you get me

Daffo bullet dodged!! I dated a guy who made it really clear he wanted to have sex with me and after a weekend on binging on Matthew Hussey, WMLB and Amy Young - I said to him that I wasn't looking to rush anything and I wanted to wait. His response told me everything I needed to know and I was like "let it go, let it goooooooo".

I liked this guy but it was the first time I'd actually voiced something like that and I was freaked out because i didn't want him to disappear (he did) but glad I did voice that as it's another way of sorting the wheat from the chaff.........

It's ended up paving the way for something better for me anyway. Don't despair too much xxx

Every date I go on or weird experience I end up having teaches me so much about myself and other people. My dating journey has been a steep learning curve but I like the woman I have become in the process......

This thread is a god send, being able to share all the weirdo stories softens the blow.

Onwards & upwards darling..... x

So Mr Canada ended up calling me again and we finally hung up at 3.30am. I've never spoken to anyone so much in my life. In the entire time I dated Mr DM we never once spoke on the phone.

The looming test that Cover mentioned is a handy test you can apply on dates to see if you can imagine having sex with them - can you imagine them looming over you in the throes of passion without throwing up in your mouth? See also the kitchen counter test - do you want them to throw you on it and get down to business?

For me, the answer to both of those with Mr Canada is hell yes - of course, because he's 4635 miles away.

daffo Mr Sex sounds like a total dick. How horrible.

Vet still yours, if you’ll have me

Oh always dahling

Vet maybe, very distantly, who knows? His family have long lived in a part of town next door to where some of mine did. Or it could just be his body type (short and wiry but built, if that makes sense). But it’s all academic.
He was really keen and I’ve had to say friends only. Not heard back yet. Hope I do, but it’s his choice and I respect that. I’m not on OLD to make new friends and I don’t think he is either.

Cold nothing wrong with him at all. I just didn’t fancy him the way I need to fancy a man. There’s no logic to it: he’s great on paper, but if the chemistry isn’t there then.....not much one can do about that. My brain is saying that it’s the family resemblance thing, but my fanny doesn’t care: it’s just going “nope, sorry.”

Bant has a good description of spark and chemistry, which I’ll copy over in a tick. There was definitely a spark, but no chemistry for me (there was for him, I think, from what he’s said since) and I need both.

The Looming Test (TM) was how I’d describe to the thread (during my last go round on here) whether I fancied the date or not. I look at their face, imagine it looming over me in the throes of passion and see how I feel. Anything other than “oooh hello, yes please” is a fail. Not being sick in my mouth (which nearly happened once) is a bonus, but still a fail.
I think others used to call it the Kitchen Table/Surfaces Test, if memory serves (maybe a longtime poster can confirm that.....)

Back in a bit for a proper catch up, need to get my carcass out of bed first though (gotta love an unexpected weekend lie in )

Cross posted with my soon too be luvvair Vet We are as one mind already 😍

Although how I missed a page of replies over an hour ago is beyond me 🙄

Truly we are meant to be 😍😂 I am also still lounging in my pit, I need it after this week at work and talking until the wee small hours.

That's such an arsing shame though. He sounds so perfect but if it ain't there it ain't there; the fanny wants what the fanny wants 😂

It does. And it’s pretty pissed off it hasn’t had any of it for nearly 18 sodding months. Have just had a very gracious message back from Mr Thaw and yay, happy to be a friend

Forgot to mention also; one of the first things he said was “you look like your photos” and I was all “thank you Jesus!” because I know how to take a good one and I think they’re probably a tad flattering. This is not helped by my old boss sometimes posting “who’s that?” in a jovial fashion when I put one up on FB. Apparently he’s fallen foul of the 10/15 years older than photo thing on recent dates too.

Anyhow, date being sorted with Walter White and just started comms with an author, let’s call him Samuel Pepys. For no other reason than I like typing Pepys. Pepys Pepys Pepys.

Plus there’s a ver’ ver’ handsome guy who looks a bit like a young Sol Campbell. Certainly doesn’t look 43. I’m a bit tongue tied really. Which could be because he’s so easy on the eye, but more likely cos there’s not really any witty convo opportunities. So I’m probably going to let that slide.

Anyhow, as previously billed here’s some Bant Wisdom re the difference between spark and chemistry (which I always assumed was the same thing):

“Spark is where you can talk all night about anything and everything, the mental connection with someone.
Chemistry is where you want to spend the night naked with them.

Fuckbuddies have the second, not the first.
Good mates have the first, not the second”

So deffo spark last night, that’s why the date felt good. Not had that before.

Ah the Looming test - of course! makes perfect sense now!

Hello all. I'm only very vaguely thinking about the idea of OLD at the mo, but I have a question...

At what point does one mention one has a disability that is... kinda important to mention? Obviously if it goes in the profile then weirdo fetishists will pop up, but it surely has to be before a meet as it can be a bit of a shock. What are your thoughts...?

i would say it heavily depends on the disability and the effect it has on the person

Beyond I’d say once they’ve asked you out? They don’t need to know if there’s not even going to be a meeting. But I’m normally at that stage in a few days, so thinking about it.....maybe after a few days of reasonably regular messages?

Well met Mr Mountain climber. He was lovely, friendly chatty. Went for coffee then to an exhibition then he cooked me lunch (yes, I know, first date and everything). Bit of a kiss and cuddle afterwards but nothing else- I said no! Said he'd text me later. I drove back and texted him to thank him for a lovely day. Not heard back yet but I'm not getting overinvested. There was a spark and I would see him again if he asked.
I shall update 😂

mr gym has been texting constantly and i asked him via text at 7 if he wants to come over tomorrow - no response yet.....

Music he sounds similar to a guy I dated who I called Mr Mountain, probably not the same person but makes me wonder how many of us have dated the same person?

I have a child free day tomorrow, I can’t decide if I should go paddleboarding (possibly alone) or if I should ask Mr VW out for a coffee? I will probably end up spending the day on my own because I’m too late arranging anything.

ask vw guy out!!!

Maggie Why not be blunter about what you want on your profile? If you sugar coat things or declare an intent that doesn’t accurately describe what you want… you won’t get what you want!

Dan An opener that very, very loosely carries a sexual connotation is not a bad thing in my view. It conveys an intent without explicitly spelling it out. That said, I’m a good boy really .

Rich Well done for trying a different approach and I’m glad to see it worked. As others have said, keep the messaging going but be wary of texting too much. Keep it light, keep it fun.

Daffo You really don’t have much luck do you!!! And seriously, give your head a wobble and ask yourself why you are persevering with Mr Music!!!

Cover Sorry to hear it didn’t work out with Mr Thaw, at least in terms of anything more than friendship. He sounded perfect but if it’s a no, it has to be no, right?

Sorting Read back a bit and you’ll find several people talking about the looks thing – it matters way, way less than you think.

Love Another vote for asking Mr VW out.

I've another guy to meet so might arrange to meet him tomorrow. We have chatted for a while. Carpe Diem

Vet this is my quote of the week! "the fanny wants what the fanny wants".

Right, I've finally got two on the go. Mr Museum and Mr Cat. Mr Museum and I have moved to WhatsApp and he's lovely. Easy to talk to, no date arranged yet. Mr Cat is bloody gorgeous. Sends really lovely long messages on OKC, seems really keen (but I've been here before and won't fall for charm again). So how do I appear cool and stop myself being so keen? We seem to get on really well, but I don't want to come on too strong. He's saying lots of nice things, but as I said, I've fallen for charm before and it has never worked out. So I need to not be so keen. Any tips please? I'm guessing not replying too quickly to start with.

love ask Mr VW for coffee tomorrow. You have nothing to lose.

Chatting to Mr VW now, I think he wants to chat a bit before meeting, he’s shy and gets nervous, said he likes to chat for a bit first but is looking forward to meeting me"

Talking to Mr Navy who seem quite keen to give me some paddleboarding lessons.

What have men got to be shy and nervous about? I really don’t get that

Kin yup, exactly. I know many people will say if there’s enough spark, the chemistry will come. But not in my experience; I’m pretty binary on that score. I want a “hell yes, take me now!” feeling early doors. In fact I demand it as my God given right

Tom that’s going to be the title of my first novel. For Black Lace (do those books still even exist?)