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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

999 replies

CoverMeLads · 06/08/2018 19:51

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
1moreRep · 17/08/2018 21:55

Dan- eek no i wouldn't use that it implies you want a random shag

1moreRep · 17/08/2018 21:56

how about-

serious question, are jaffa cakes biscuits or cakes?

are raggy dolls actually like me and you

what were the fraggles?

Dan89 · 17/08/2018 22:00

Hmm, I can kind of see that but only now you've pointed it out. I was actually getting responses with it!

Lovemusic33 · 17/08/2018 22:15

Maggie yes, he didn’t disclose his sex, I know to him he feels he’s a male but technically he isn’t and he should have told me. I have known him now for a year, we have met a few times and we text a lot but it’s always been just friendly chat.

WotcherHarry · 17/08/2018 22:47

Lovemusic, hope you don't mind me asking but does your Mr Trans' name begin with a J? As I had a very similar experience last year and am also in the SW- we chatted for a couple of weeks, just before we were about to meet he said that his mate had advised him to tell me before we met but he'd been planning to tell me over coffee...
I could've got my head around it, I think, if he'd been honest from the beginning. It just felt like a massive deception when you're talking to someone in a dating capacity.

MaggieMuggins · 17/08/2018 22:59

Love well if he's ramped it up from friendship to attempts at something more then you are perfectly within reason to tell him to take a step back and that you value him for his friendship only.

Love your username Wotcher Smile

ColdNeverBotheredMeAnyway · 17/08/2018 23:09

Hmm I have a couple of new irons.

Mr Engine... so called because he has an interesting hobby. He's intelligent, and writes thoughtful messages. He's just dropped into conversation that he knows some people that work in the very niche field that I work in, in the same place that I worked... which is intriguing me...

Mr Cyclist is still rather lovely... but a long way away

And another one who has just started messaging but has told me after 2 messages that he's only interested in 'nothing serious' and wants to know how we would make it work given that we're quite a distance away. Hes trying to get me to say I'm up for a ONS but I'm not going to take the bait for I fear that way smutty messages lie...

richdeniro · 18/08/2018 00:00

Went on a date tonight and I took the previous advice onboard. I was a lot more forward and confident. Really went for it in a way but not in a ungentlemenly way - We sunk a couple of bottles of wine and a couple of G&T's which always helps :) It was really lovely really, once I'd gone for it and initially got the first kiss out of the way we ended up spending the last hour of the date kissing and cuddling.

I don't want to blow it now by appearing too desperate. After waiting with her for her train I texted her when I got home asking if she'd gotten home and she replied with that she'd gotten home ok and thanked me for a lovely night and said she hoped I have a nice day tomorrow at a wedding I'm going to. During the date we arranged to go out for dinner on Tuesday,

Best way to respond? If at all for the time being. I'm useless at this kind of stuff. Should I wait a couple of days now and message her Sunday or something.

DaffoDeffo · 18/08/2018 00:28

Disastrous date with Mr Sex who spent the whole time asking me to stay at his house, trying to stick his tongue down my throat in public and basically being a nuisance! Won't bother seeing him again! And then he asked if I was on my period or something argh!

I hope Mr Music does turn up but I am also not expecting it so if he does it will be a surprise!

Only other possible iron is Mr Northern who I want to see for a 2nd date next week and other than that, it's back to the drawing board!

CoverMeLads · 18/08/2018 00:38

Hey all,

Well that was the best online date I’ve ever had. Time flew, and we didn’t cover half of what we could have; we have a ton in common. Mr Thaw is handsome, polite, cool (best dresser I’ve come across, to my taste) better read (to the point that I now want to go and devour Russian literature) creative, funny and someone I would very much like to have in my life. I’m not arsed about the not driving and the not being tall and the smoking (didn’t know about that, but hey, all my exes have been, the loons 🙄)
But (and it’s a big but, fucking fuckety fuck) the minute I saw him I thought “I know you”. He looked SO familiar and sounded it too. He’s the spit of my cousin/Grandad (not in an elderly way, just has the same familial bone structure). I didn’t pick it up from the photos, but animated and in the flesh it was just....uncanny.
I asked him and there’s no Mum’s maiden name in his family, but if I went to my Gran and great Gran’s maiden names it really wouldn’t surprise me (which I ain’t gonna ask because that’s where me being “quirky” strays into “weird”)

I could have sat and chatted all night and it was only really “are you still alive?” texts from my sis in law that got me shifted. At the end of the date he told me I was really pretty (and I believed him; I didn’t think he was just saying it, which is pretty huge for me) and he said as we parted ways, and has messaged since that he’d “very much” like to see me again. And I’d like to see him again too, I just don’t/can’t see The Looming Test being passed. Ever.

I have responded as above. I hope we can be friends; he’s a gem. But I’ll understand if that’s not what he wants.

So equal parts yay 😀 and gah🙁 But he’s set the bar for the next one. Hey, getting here only took a year or so 😐🔫

OP posts:
VetOnCall · 18/08/2018 00:45

Should I wait a couple of days now and message her Sunday or something.

Message her tomorrow! I don't mean start spamming her at 6am but do message her tomorrow, just something light/funny, don't leave it until Sunday.

richdeniro · 18/08/2018 00:48

Thanks VOC - I'll message her during the day. She's got to work tomorrow so will send something :)

CoverMeLads · 18/08/2018 00:53

Vet still yours, if you’ll have me Wink

OP posts:
CoverMeLads · 18/08/2018 00:55

Daff “on your period or something” ???? Is he in Grange Hill in 1985????

OP posts:
CoverMeLads · 18/08/2018 00:58

Rich We sunk a couple of bottles of wine and a couple of G&T's
Each or between you? Wink

OP posts:
VetOnCall · 18/08/2018 01:54

Oh no Cover! I was getting so excited until I got to this bit And I’d like to see him again too, I just don’t/can’t see The Looming Test being passed. Ever. Do you really think you might actually be related?!

I'm up because I'm still talking to Mr Canada on WhatsApp... after we spoke for 3.5 hours on video chat until nearly 1am. It's a bit ridiculous but it's just so easy...

ColdNeverBotheredMeAnyway · 18/08/2018 02:14

Yeah Rich don't leave it till Sunday. Message her and let her know you're thinking about her

Cover I don't understand what was wrong with Mr Thaw. What's the Looming test?

If he looks 'familiar' that can be a good thing. We are often attracted to people who look like ourselves or our family. So if he has similar bone structure to your family, that's probably striking that chord with you.

VixenSixen · 18/08/2018 02:14

rich definately message sooner rather than later don't wait until Sunday and definately don't be tempted after a few at the wedding 😂🤣 - arranging next date on a date is always the one.

cover I am so excited you had an amazing date but got to ask what the looming test is??

vet I'm up too just been on the phone to my date who I was supposed to be seeing over weekend (but ex has put a damper on that as he is playing games about having son over weekend.......) - so we resorted to a phone date..... talked about anything and everything. Literally just ended the call and we were talking since like 1030 or something- absolute madness.

We are meeting again next Wed. Have to say feeling less cautiously optimistic now and feeling much more positively optimistic. 🌠👑💓

DaffoDeffo · 18/08/2018 07:04

cover really pleased you had a good date! I know 're period references. Basically he was trying to imply I was uptight for not jumping into bed with him....and I told him I wouldn't in advance and the first date was so promising! Gah!

DaffoDeffo · 18/08/2018 07:05

Out with the girls tonight and suddenly v delighted women exist ;)

wishywashy6 · 18/08/2018 08:03

Hmm, I can kind of see that but only now you've pointed it out. I was actually getting responses with it!

Keep it if it's working for you! I never made the connection with wanting a random shag and I've usually got sex on the brain 🤷🏼‍♀️

SortingItOut · 18/08/2018 08:10

AprilFool18

I am only looking for casual hook ups and have made that clear on all my profiles (2!!), I have put that I am looking for friendship and fun only and when guys message me and it looks like we might meet I remind them again that I am not looking for anything long term, that way they have the chance to duck out.

I was also worried about my body but at the end of the day no one expects a lady who is 30+ to look like a model, I am what I am and I like food too much.
My profile pics give a good indication of my shape so they should know what I look like under my clothes.

1moreRep · 18/08/2018 08:56

sorting learn to love and respect your body, there will be loads of men who to them you are the ideal shape- the only person who you need to impress is you.

Rich yeah!!! so plan the next date and send a few messages but also still try and date others so you don't over invest

cover what's that lamping test?

Lovemusic33 · 18/08/2018 08:57

wotcher no, not the same person (unless they use several names, you never know with OLD). I think I’m just going to back away slowly, he ask me yesterday about meeting up and I have said that I’m pretty busy for the next few weeks.

I’m still chatting to the guy I met on a Fb group, don’t want to out myself too much but it’s a VW group (I have Campervan). He messages a lot, first thing in the morning and quite a lot in the evening. I shall call him Mr VW, I’m going to try and arrange to meet him ASAP as I don’t want to end up just chatting via messenger for ever not knowing if I will like him in the flesh. He does seem sweet and has no baggage at all.

So I joined tinder again, matched with my FWB (only liked him to see if we matched, didn’t expect too). I’m not sure if I really want to meet up with him again as he’s moving away in a few weeks, I’m worried I will get too ata he’d even though he’s never been relationship material but just good in bed Grin.

Got chatting to another man who is a ex navy officer, he looks interesting but I don’t have a good track history with forces men.

1moreRep · 18/08/2018 08:57

daffo what a twat!! seriously Shock