Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hi all, can I join? I've had to name change for this thread as my ex is a bit stalkerish and knows my other user name.

I've been trying OLD for about 3 weeks and it seems to be going ok. I'm only on one site, but I think I maybe need to be more selective. It's so hard though, people are so interesting and I'll happily chat to anyone for at least a while.

I've met up with 3 men, and have 7 others I'm chatting with frequently (3 of whom have asked to meet so far), plus the odd dick pic weirdo, and those where it fizzles out after a bit.

How do you keep up with them all? I'm a bit like the poster up thread, I like to meet someone several times before deciding they're a no, but by this point they all seem a bit smitten (I know, I know, my ferraris too shiny and my diamond shoes are too tight 😂).

I don't like ending things, especially if they seem keen, but I can't keep them all going. I think I need to get more selective at weeding people out before going on dates, but they're all so nice!

How do you let people down gently if it's already gone beyond the first 3 or 4 dates?

And lo! another megapost was born. To be frank it’s a relief from Bumble messaging which is blowing right up. POF is, on the other hand, dead. And my words have been eaten.

Margo hope the date is going well with Mr TV. And no sleep stuff on the face this time.

Cold have you had a look at Mr Cyclist yet? And if you don’t fancy him then c’est la vie.

MusicalTheatreMum I’ll give SilverSingles a swerve, then. That’s the problem with the “niche” sites; they promise much if you’ve had a shit time on the main ones, but the pool is tiny. We could do with another posting of the sites as restaurants list. Where’s Bant when you need him?

Dan I guess if you’ll need mental/intellectual stimulation and are after a LTR then those profiles (the generic samey ones) aren’t worth bothering with? And ditto the monosyllabic ones. I feel the same way; I’m just resigned (with occasional rants and whinges) to a much slower journey and quality over quantity, frustrating as that can be.
And yes, what the others said: just go straight in with a question. It says confident and a bit cheeky to me. Which is 👍🏻

Bendy white, can be on a hot summer day in a beer garden (Magners, please), cheese no crackers, lazing, bald (does ANYONE like a combover?) fine dining, Newsnight. Excellent questions.

Vixen ah that’s right. Don’t think we’re fishing in the same pond as I’m 15 years older. Although..... (also near Bham). I like your mantra: very wise.

Milo I see others have explained it, but yes. There’s a rather satisfying ping when you match 😀
And yes, don’t pay. For any of them. It’s a fools errand/poisoned chalice/whitened sepulchre/ insert correct term here

Highlighta I’d say go and enjoy with no expectations, just KEEP YOURSELF SAFE, especially if it’s abroad. Make sure someone knows where you are and has his full name. And preferably some other contact details.
And yes, I’m near a city so I think that’s what’s behind this plethora of non drivers...

Rep you’d think they’d all be single on the sites. But many aren’t.
And I’m jaw clanging at the fireman. The brass neck!

So I have Mr Thaw and Owen Glendowr as irons. Still talking to another non driver (why? Answers on a postcard) but trying to watch The Affair, is no one is getting the best of me, I have to admit.....

little i literally day i'm
sorry we don't have chemistry or what ever the reason is. honesty is kindness.

i reactivated bumble for an hour today and got 4 matches and then hid my profile as usually i can't keep up with the matches etc.

gym guy has been texting me constantly and i'm seeing him tomorrow - i really like him but as he went funny before i'm worried ill get hurt.

fireman paid me back and has been texting but i've been thoroughly put off which is a shame as the sex was amazing

so bumble matches i have mr developer, mr computer and another - mr computer has a lot of banter - trying to go on multiple dates so i don't over invest in gym guy

cover i too am watching the affair

Rep I’m Team Cole (and possibly Vik). You?

Vixen and cover.. I'm also around south Birmingham area. I'm in between your ages

I have three irons. How exciting... Although it is true about when you're less bothered you do better isn't it? Got over my massive pmt and date 2 fail last week and was at an 'I can't be arsed' again point but so far Bumble is good!

The lovely slightly older guy is a bit too complimentary for me though. I just cringe and think it sounds disingenuous. Poor men...I'm complicated!

I'm off on holiday on Friday though so don't go snapping them all up whilst I'm away!

OMG chatting to Mr mountain climber on line and he asked me to phone him as he was having problems with his messaging. Such a sexy voice. Meeting him Saturday. He said I had a gorgeous voice too. Chatted so much my rice boiled dry 😂

OK, I've sent out about 15 "this or that" messages. Ones I quite like:

To a girl from Lithuania: "Where should I go first? Riga or Tallinn?"

To a Marvel fangirl: "Who would win in a fight? The Hulk or King Kong?"

To just about everyone else: "Salt and Vinegar French Fries or Pickled Onion Monster Munch?"

I'll let you know how it goes...

Good luck Dan !

Don't forget to include in your responses to any replies that you've got a shed full of breathmints!

Dan those are brilliant

Mumtee hey, we have a Subthread Brum Massive throws gang sign
Too many compliments I’d you've never met just sounds......phony or rote, to me. Not impressed.

MTMum Nice work with Mr MC. You watch that rice now. So many innuendoes.......

Can I ask for some advice as a guy?

I seem to have no real problem getting dates from apps like Bumble.

As like most probably half are a waste of time and I have nothing in common with the person or there is no real match there.

But the other 50% I would definitely like a second date with them but literally every single one it's the same story; The date seems great to me, we have good conversation, things in common and both seem to be having a nice time but I message them after the date to make sure they got home ok or something along those lines but I always get the 'you're a lovely guy but I felt no chemistry/spark'.

What am I doing wrong? How do I create this spark? I know it's not a rarity as it's basically been the story of my life and literally applies to 99.9% of every women I've liked and been on a date with in the last few years.

Thank you for any insight in advance.

rich it's difficult to tell without actually going on a date with you and critiquing you! It could be anything!

@richdeniro How realistic are your photos? It doesn't matter how good-looking you may or may not be in person, if the woman has swiped expecting to see someone else, you're always going to struggle with chemistry. I try to have 1) me on a good day, 2) me on a bad day and 3) a full length shot.

If you're getting the first dates but not the second dates, your profiles (such as they are) are probably written fine and you're good company, but possibly you look different in person to your photos and that's throwing women?

The other thing I would say is if you're clean-shaven in your photos, don't turn up sporting a beard and vice versa. Facial hair (or lack of) changes a man's look a lot. You want to look like the man in your photos.

Saw a profile on POF. It linked to his Twitter handle.

His Twitter feed is literally pictures of his dick. And videos too.

GRIM.

I know POF can't be all bad because a lot of us from the thread use it and obviously we're the best of humanity, but POF seems to also attract the very dregs of humanity...

cole- don't like vic at all but omg!!! cover

rich i would second realistic photos and your height. Then i would be careful not to over share or talk about ex's on dates. Ensure you smell fine too. Then look at who your choosing to date- do you have things in common- are you going for a far younger person? if you keep going for the same type you will get the same outcome imho

Rich that used to happen to me in years gone by and it took me a while to figure out it was because I was playing it too safe on first dates, being nice, being respectful and not making it clear what I wanted. In other words, I was putting myself forward as a friend to someone who was looking for a date.

Likewise, nowadays, I don't feel a spark with women who only talk about 'safe' subjects, who can't have a laugh, who don't make eye contact, etc.

So, in other words, are you flirting? Are you checking her out, at least glancing at her eyes, using innuendo, engaging in banter and going for the kiss at the end of the date?

If not, maybe you should? I know I'd rather crash and burn than fade into obscurity and I know I'd much rather a woman have a strong opinion of me (positive or negative) than view me as 'another nice guy but no spark'.

Interesting to read this from the other side . For me rich the biggest thing that a guy can do is make me laugh and have banter and yes that should include a bit of flirting . I've met guys who act as if they are looking for a mother , a replacement for their dead wife or they just want a "girlfriend" to do things with but it could be anyone ! I will be honest though and say that I usually know from my first meet if this is someone I could DTD with and guess what that comes from ? Humour . I don't know what kin means by a kiss but I'm not looking for a snog at the end of a first meet - much more exciting is a lovely text saying "thank you for a fun time blah blah and would love to see you again + a little bit of humour in there " before I even get home :-)

I would so second realistic photos and no lying. I would say 75% of my non conversion rate is people who don't look like their photos or have lied about something.

How old are you rich? Sounds like you are getting a lot of dates which may just mean you are in an age group with a load of competition and you just haven't found the right type of woman yet

Good Morning Thread
Can't remember where I was up to in my last post but being off work have wasted an inordinate amount of time on whatsapp and pof! Last night I was trying to hold 4 conversations at once, 2 with the same name, it's only a matter of time before that goes embarrassingly wrong.
So I have binned off 1 who i had a couple of dates with and liked, he was unsure and apparently wanted to keep me on the back burner for a while, nah mate :) and 1 who I had arranged a date with then he had a drink and couldn't drive, didn't want to be bottom of the priority list so said goodbye at that point.

Conversations ongoing are Mr IT, seems most similar to me, stuff in common, easy chat, expect to meet when he is back off hols.
Big dude (3x the size of me but in a very fit way!) lovely, amazing connection so far but lives so far away it wouldn't work, I need to end this chat but he is so lovely and clever and thoughtful that I haven't, yet.
Mr Farmer, ooh, he is an enigma, very busy, very driven,I find him massively interesting, conversationally it is great but sporadic supposed to be meeting this weekend. He feels like a challenge, and I love a challenge! and then my random wild card, I always end up with one who's purpose appears to be making me laugh, have no intention of meeting, no attraction although he is good looking, we discuss dates and the world at large, it's like having a gay best friend who is not gay (and not my best friend so not really like that at all!)
All in all I'm having fun, but am all too aware that when back in work I will have far less time so am enjoying it whilst it lasts.

I really am finding no photo is the way forward for me, I talk to who I choose to and get none of the irritating messages I used to get from idiots, am enjoying this time much more and having less conversations but great ones.

Good luck to those on dates this week, I shall now go and be a lady who lunches and pretend I am never going back to work....

Everyone is different Been but by kiss I most certainly do mean snog. I'm socially calibrated though so will pull away if it becomes apparent that it is not wanted, but even that is not a fail (bold >> timid) - going for it communicates in what way I am interested in her.

If I don't even try, there's the risk I'll be seen as man who, i.e., is looking for a friend, a mother , a replacement for their dead wife or they just want a "girlfriend" to do things with but it could be anyone !

For a post-date text I'll say how nice it was to meet her and ask for a second straight away (if not already arranged on the date) or do the usual "thanks but no thanks".

I usually know from my first meet if this is someone I could DTD with

If I don't know that in the first few minutes then the answer is invariably no, I couldn't.

The ones I have wanted to go on 2nd dates with were the dates that were fun or the blokes I felt were v sincere and had a glint in their eye

Also depending on your age, maybe vary your first dates. Someone made me a picnic in the middle of the heatwave which I loved rather than just a drink at the bar but you just have to be careful not to get too carried away!

My 2 latest naughty bloke chats off Bumble were as predicted and disastrous lol. The one bloke had a hissy fit as I wasn't replying to his messages quick enough and then I refused to take a call because I was doing something else and he sent me loads of emoticons of him crying.

My children are more emotionally mature and that's saying something!

Still not heard from Mr Sex about Friday. Mr Music now telling me he is v sensitive. Perhaps bendy was right all along! Mr Northern happy to do a 2nd date next week.

I really am finding no photo is the way forward for me

It amuses me how some people can get so hung up on the photos. Sure, they're important for first impressions on a dating site but nowhere near as vital as some people think - it really is about personality.

For example, last year on POF, I put up one pic - of Shrek - and created a profile that was very much about a troll living under a bridge, full of self-deprecating humour. You would be amazed at how many very attractive women initiated conversations with me!!! Last summer was a very good one .

Humour and personality really are the most important things. Don't forget that folks!

Also I am v slow. I think we have established that :). So rich don't feel you need to snog on first dates!

Can I join in?

So I went on a 1st date on sat night! I have been very single for 3 years since I was left pregnant with our 2nd son. But now I feel more than ready to dip my toe in and give daring a go, for something for me!

I was so nervous I felt a bit sick but thought I need to just do it. We’d met on tinder and had been chatting for 2 weeks so thought it seemed a good time to finally meet.

He was lovely, very gentlemanly, gave me a kiss on the cheek, held the door open, bought me a drink, even asked me if I was warm enough and wanted to go inside (we were sat in the garden of a bar). So all good on that front.

We’ve text a bit since then and after I asked him if he thought we clicked he said yes. However he’s not planned a 2nd date. I know he’s v busy with his job and is very career focused but I’d have thought he’d want to arrange another date by now!

I’m trying not to do my usual and read too much into everything and just chill out. He’s 45 so I’m hoping he’s past the stage of playing games?! I don’t want to come across pushy and desperate but oh my it’s tricky taking a step back.

I know it’s prob good for me not to throw myself into something so quick but this seems a bit too slow for me.

Or not?! Any dating advice welcomed, I’m useless at all this!