Dating Thread 138: Hotter Than July

[CoverMeLads]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11.Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Sorry to hear that pringle

I had a lovely date yesterday with someone off Bumble BUT I am just not sure I fancy him. He was about 2 stone heavier than he looked in his pics. He already told me he only dates one woman at a time which makes me feel a bit pressurised tbh as I haven't made my mind up about him. We did spend hours together and it was very easy but sexually I am just not sure it's there. I would give it a 2nd date but I also don't want to raise his hopes then dash them.

Ages ago I bumped into someone who said their online dating fell into 2 categories- men they would happily shag but not go out with and men they would spend time with but didn't want to shag and mine seems to be going down the same path.

The elusive Mr Music is meant to be seeing me tonight but it won't happen and that will sound the death knell for him! We will see!

Then I'm off backpacking. Have packed rucksack and it is ridiculous - can barely fit anything in so it's going to be a tough but fun week!

I would give it a 2nd date but I also don't want to raise his hopes then dash them.

Why don't you give it a chance Daffo? Whether his hopes are dashed or not, and by how much, are for him to deal with, not you. And if the date went well and you don't meet again, he'll be wondering why anyway!

Enjoy the backpacking

I probably will kin just because we got on so well BUT now it becomes a real issue for me timing wise. Once I am working I have v little time and it becomes hard to fit everything in. If I just don't fancy him, it's unlikely to ever happen but I'm just not sure (don't mind big blokes at all...but just not sure).

Dating is an odd game. I am starting to feel I've become asexual lol. Have swiped on so many people, I now wonder whether I fancy anyone!

I once considered becoming asexual for a split-second once, but then I remembered I have this weakness....

Hi all, II think haven't posted since Mr Teeth in around June I think. He let me down as said wonderful promises, but then that he couldn't see me for over a month, but that he was happy if I carried on dating.
I did go back on in a fed up, fine I'll have some fun way, but actually met someone who is really my type.
I haven't posted as he doesn't leave me guessing, send weird messages, we see each other regularly and it has much better potential than others over the past 2 years of dating. I'm posting because if any one is getting fed up with OLD it is good to know that it can work fingers crossed as this could hurt if goes wrong
Good luck vibes for OLD

vet you should have swiped on him (Mr DM) and if you matched then you could ask him "WTF??".

Pringle you sound lovely, sorry to hear about your exs gf.

I will be in a man free zone for 13 days as my dad is here to stay with my nephew. I doubt I will be able to escape and leave the kids with my dad, so I will be mostly celibate for nearly a fortnight!

@DaffoDeffo 2 stone heavier. Do these people not think we'll notice when we meet them? There are so many guys who write "I like petite women who take care of themselves and enjoy going to the gym" (code: not fat) that I'm careful to manage expectations with realistic photos. I mean, I'm not a big whale, but you could assume I'm thinner from a face shot so I make sure there's a full body shot as well.

He's not going to drop 2 stone overnight. If you don't feel the attraction when he's overweight, you don't. And that's fine. I'd be a bit annoyed about him deliberately seeking to mislead in his photos... and wonder what else he might hide from me.

@Kinunir I considered becoming a lesbian recently then remembered I'm not sexually attracted to any women. Shame. That would have been a different dating pool to try!

Daffo I’m going to go against what Kin said and say ‘dont go on a 2nd date’. I have given people a 2nd date before on the basis I don’t find them atractive but they are easy to talk too, it has never ended well. I’m not attracted to larger men, I have tried by dating several but I just prefer average or skinny body types. Im quite small myself and hate the feeling of being crushed in bed 🤣

I’m off on holiday later today, I’m tempted to put tinder on my phone so I can look at all the surfer dudes (going to Cornwall).

I’m going to go against what Kin said

The lady doth protest?

I must admit, I normally 'know' within about 3 seconds on the first date but sometimes, just sometimes, a second date can be necessary to figure out whether I want to progress or not.

Enjoy the eye candy, app-based or real Love

I never know. I am absolutely amazed people can make decisions so quickly. It took me almost a year to know with exh (12 years) and with the longest other relationship I've had (5 years) it also took 6 months before I really knew.

I actually like bigger men. I find it hard to fancy thin men for some reason. I dont think he had deliberately deceived but he had taken the photos in such a way that you couldn't tell. But he was properly properly overweight. He was bursting out of his shirt!

I can normally tell if it's a no very quickly but it takes me many many dates to know if it's a yes. I do tell people this so I try and manage expectations at least!

after this week, I have nothing new on the horizon date wise and all avenues have dried up (no ongoing chats on bumble/pof). As I'm away on and off now anyway, will probably start again on different sites in Sept (maybe tinder though the thought terrifies me!).

Love, definitely look for surfer bods in Cornwall!

pringle I'm also careful with photos. Mine are realistic I think. I'm not particularly photogenic and a lot of people have said I look better in real life!

choc that's nice to hear!
esk1mo are you going to take advantage of their presence at all?
vet how did you feel seeing MrDM on Tinder, I came across my most recent ex on there, he was exactly the same, photos and no bio so I am assuming just looking for hook ups! It was a bit painful but I just quickly swiped left.

Not help I guess just motivation.

Don’t look at me; I couldn’t be less motivated. I think this could be a record for the shortest spell online I’ve ever had.

Am I the only one who feels emotionally bruised and battered on dating sites? I have read the rules,(honest) but it's just so hard. Never got passed 2nd dates. After travelling to meet them,spending money and making lots of effort, got the " no spark" text today...yet again. I've been hurt in the past and it honestly feels like a kick in the teeth over and over again. Does it get easier? Should I just resign to singledom forever?

But I thought you were on a roll with the Bumble matches Cover?

CaveDivingbelle, I'm no expert, but I don't travel far to meet anyone, I don't make lots of effort and I rarely spend any money. If they don't offer to buy me one drink or a coffee, which I always accept, then I probably wouldn't stay. I'd fight over going halves on dinner, but if they're too tight to offer to pay for one drink or a coffee, then they're not going to be my kind of person.

Why are you putting yourself out so much, if you don't mind me asking?

I agree with margo. I tend to go halves on a meal but rarely do meals as first dates anyway.

I think if you are feeling exhausted give it a break. I often step out and in, nothing wrong with that. Online dating exhaustion is a real thing and we've all been through it!

cave you really do have to keep in your mind that you are the prize here. If they don't want a second date, they were never right for you anyway x

Never got passed 2nd dates.

Don't mention it on the thread if you don't want to but do you have any thoughts on why that may be?

I agree with others, it's not necessary to spend any significant amount of money on early dates.

Does it get easier?

When it's not going as you would like it's the hardest thing in the world but when it starts to go right, it becomes much, much easier.

cake im not sure, it seems pointless when they’re only here for a month or less are you?!

i still have a huge crush on a younger gent at my gym but it hasnt gone anywhere despite us being insta friends.

my ex has also popped up wanting to try again (we were together 5 years) so my head is a mess!

esk1mo

I don't know why you broke up, and only you can decide what is best for you, but the saying "never go back" has always served me well.

If it was issues with him, then it is good to remember that people don't change, unless they really really want to.

daffo it took you a year of dating to figure out if you actually fancied your ex? Maybe I read that wrong!

So I reckon I've been old for a year.
Dates I've been in as in 1st - 3. I have very limited childcare. No wait it's 5.

Date 1 - alcoholic
Date 2 - was quite nice but had no spare time. Now he just stares at me in Lidl.
Date 3 - also alcoholic but so lovely. No dtd at any point but did loosely date in and off for a bit - way too needy. Harmless though.
Date 4 - ex forces, attractive and well polished and did have some good dates but whiny and immature even though my age. Binned.

Next?

Well for a start,it's a location thing...nobody near to me means that they will travel to me the first time,then I end up going to them for date 2. That's the nearest big city but not all that near...I honestly don't know ! The latest one I liked and we seemed to get on..so I'm at a bit of a loss there.