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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriend has blocked my number...

143 replies

gaynor83 · 06/08/2018 16:11

We’ve been together since Christmas. Had a lot of ups and downs since then, mainly because he has some issues, mentally and with drugs. Every time he takes drugs he becomes really paranoid and accuses me of cheating.
Yet he is the one who stays out all night sometimes and he’s “waved” at his ex on Facebook, as well as deleting messages from her and another girl on there. He says he does these things to get my attention..hmm.
He’s blocked my number before and he knows it really upsets and it makes me run after him.
He lost his driving licence recently and I know it’s depressed him. I’ve been trying to cheer him up and was going to drive us on a day out yesterday. He wouldn’t get out of bed and said he couldn’t be bothered. So I left him there and went out by myself. Whilst I was out he rang and I was eating so didn’t answer. When I rang him back he had blocked me.
So I drove to his house to see him and he didn’t say sorry or anything, so I left. He says he loves me but why would he behave like this?
I had a big thing happening today too and he didn’t even text to wish me luck. Feel miserable about it all.

OP posts:
whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 06/08/2018 22:46

He's abusive and a moron - 'waves at ex girlfriend on Facebook' Hmm

Honestly, he's a waste of space. Bin him and watch him coming running to you. You can do so much better.

Original poster
gaynor83 · 06/08/2018 22:47

You’re right. I’ve thought that since it happened. He hasn’t contacted me today, apart from a call where it sounded as though his phone was in his pocket. I’m just pissed that I didn’t do anything wrong and he’s behaved this way. I know I can’t expect anything more and I realise everyone is right...it’s just hard. Before I knew the extent of his drugs habit I really thought we could have been good together, but he won’t seek help he doesn’t want to I guess. Pfft I’m feeling down tonight.

OP posts:
Justme01 · 06/08/2018 22:53

He’s not worth your time and will drag you Down. Look in the mirror and Remember you are worth so much more....and can do so much better. 😊

k567 · 06/08/2018 22:56

Stop chasing this man-child. What is his behaviour telling you??
You deserve better.

Ryder63 · 06/08/2018 22:59

You lived your life without this arsehole in it for 35 years. I bet you were happier too!

Get him blocked. Totally get rid. Pour all of your love and concern back into YOURSELF.

Katgurl · 07/08/2018 00:11

Flirting online with his ex and.at least one more?
Taking drugs and making unfounded accusations?
Punishing and controlling you by blocking your number?

Come on!

Dump this loser. You will not regret it.

ILoveMyDressingGown · 07/08/2018 00:46

You need to not only dump him but also work out why you think he's a decent boyfriend, why you think this is good enough for you and/or why you think you can rescue him.
You haven't even been together a year and you've already had 'ups and downs', mainly due to his behaviour. It really shouldn't be this hard, especially when you're only 7 or so months in.
Seriously, dump him and work on your boundaries and self respect.

AndTheSkyWasAllViolet · 07/08/2018 05:02

I know you want to see the good but all in all, it's best to leave him. He's not only immature, he needs to get his life in order. You don't need to be there while he does that because that's all on him to do. You deserve to be happy and find a loving boyfriend. You absolutely do not need to chase after this guy when he treats you the way he does.

I was in a very similar relationship. He was also on drugs. He also accused me of cheating (the drugs caused paranoia). He'd think he heard males laughing when he was on the phone with me. It was weird. I was called every bad name, manipulated, controlled, stalked. I'd go on but part of the story is painful for me. We'll just say shit got really crazy.

I've been with a multitude of losers. Please leave this guy. You won't be able to see it now, but one day, you will realize he was a mistake and be thankful you left him. There really are better guys out there. It might take some trial runs, but they are out there.

You'll need to ditch this current guy before you can find that special boyfriend who treats you with the respect you deserve. You 100% deserve better. Hugs to you. You'll get through this. Block his number as well.

Sally2791 · 07/08/2018 05:23

Just leave. He is playing games and only cares about himself. Try not to fall for the same tricks again

redexpat · 07/08/2018 05:36

Youre right, he is controlling.. I like to be independent and he doesn’t seem to like it when I am, like going out without him. All I did was go to a local market for a few hours. So he blocked you to show you the consequences of your actions, so that next time you would do what he wanted you to do.

Coyoacan · 07/08/2018 05:44

Many of my friends from my youth fell into drug addiction. Some became heroin addicts and stole from anyone and everyone; others became cokeheads and regularly beat up their girlfriends because the coke made them paranoid and convinced that their girlfriends were cheating on them. They were all decent people before they became addicted. But the addiction makes them all the same and impossible to be safely around. And only the addict can cure himself/herself. Nobody else can do that for them.

Original poster
gaynor83 · 07/08/2018 08:21

Thank you for sharing your story.
He does the same to me on the phone, imagines he can here people in the background, when I’m alone. He also broke my window to get in thinking I was with someone, I was just out with a friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
gaynor83 · 07/08/2018 08:24

Thanks to all here you’ve all given some really good advice. I know deep down he isn’t a good man, he doesn’t really treat me with any respect. I’m hurting right now but I’m not going to chase him. He will probably accuse me of cheating now because I haven’t been in touch.

OP posts:
whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 07/08/2018 09:03

I'd give him the shock of his pathetic life and change your phone number this morning. When the idiot unblocks you (which they always do in this scenario) he will have a rude awakening.

But of course, the best response is simple lay to block him and move on with your life. Don't allow people to treat you like shit. It's okay to feel shit right now, but make today Day 1.

notthisagain83 · 07/08/2018 09:20

Honestly 7 months and already you're saying you have had ups and downs.. this should be the happy honeymoon period there shouldn't be that much.. don't waste as much time as i did!

I have been without my emotionally abusive fiancee for 4 weeks. Spent 2 years with too many ups and downs trying to see the best in him.. and when things were good he treated me like a queen. When things were not going his way he'd message me call me names, tell me he didn't want to see me ever again, block me, unblock me.. it's only now that I've had enough.. ive wasted all that time... don't do the same. He's not worth it!

notthisagain83 · 07/08/2018 09:22

After 4 weeks I've seen just how much stress he brought to my life and I'm sooo much happier without the drama. I love him sooooo much but he needs help and I've accepted that I can't fix him.

PamsterWheel · 07/08/2018 09:25

He's a total waste of your time. He says he loves you? Actions speak louder than words.

Sounds like a difficult unhappy relationship from the start. Put this down to experience and move on to a better life.

FlatPackFurnitureCompAnyone · 07/08/2018 09:36

Oh OP please get rid once and for all.

To be a bit corny (but it’s true), love is a verb

  • it’s not something you say, it’s something you do. And he’s not doing it.

I was already not a fan but when you wrote about the broken window.... This is NEVER EVER going to take you anywhere you want to go.

viques · 07/08/2018 09:48

gaynor please!!!!! You have over 100 people telling you to cut your losses with this abusing, controlling, violent tossed and now you are saying

"I'm not going to chase him"

"He'll probably say I am cheating"

Both of which sound as though you are somehow enjoying the exploitative nature of this relationship, that you want him to chase you, that you like the possessive jealousy of him accusing you of cheating.

I hope I am reading that wrongly but please, don't fall for his manipulative ways and mistake them for signs that he loves you and cares about you, men who love you don't mess with your emotions, blow hot and cold, accuse you of cheating etc to show their love. I think he is feeding off your pain and getting a sick kick from it, don't feed this by playing along with the game because you are flattered by the attention and think it proves he loves you really.......

Mookatron · 07/08/2018 10:26

Don't not chase him. Dump him. Actively dump him. Send him a letter if he's still blocking you - not a nice letter with reasons, either, just 'it's not working, good bye'. Once the ending getting has worn off you will feel GREAT for doing this for yourself.

Original poster
gaynor83 · 07/08/2018 10:27

I really don’t enjoy it. I don’t thrive off drama. I just feel sort of lost at the moment. I know his actions don’t come from a place of love, he’s hurting me on purpose.
Just when he acts like this I feel like I have done something wrong somehow. I’m trying to be strong, you all have given me some really good advice I’m trying to take it.
Guess I’ve some work to do on myself . Don’t think I will ever bother with another relationship, it always ends the same.

OP posts:
Burntofferings0 · 07/08/2018 10:27

He also broke my window to get in thinking I was with someone, I was just out with a friend

And yet you still stayed with him Hmm time to grow up gaynor

spottybetty · 07/08/2018 10:27

You've been together 7 months!! This is supposed to be the honeymoon period when you're both on your best behaviour!!! Not full of dramas and drugs.
Dump the loser and move on.

spottybetty · 07/08/2018 10:28

If all your replationships go the same way, do the Freedom programme. www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 07/08/2018 10:34

They make you feel as if you are the problem. That's the tactic. It keeps you fretful and eager to change and please them. You're not the problem. Once he goes away your life will improve. Remove him and you will be okay.

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