Husband is planning an affair

[shitsabouttogetserious]

A couple of weeks ago I discovered my husband was chatting through fb messenger to an ex of his from his teenage years. It was pretty innocuous stuff mostly although he was a bit too complimentary/creepy for my liking so I decided to keep an eye on it. I didn't say anything to him cos I didn't want to alert him that I had access to his messages. Last weekend she called him out on his intentions with her and he was all like "I have responsibilities I can't just walk away from" and she was all "fair enough, let's just leave it at that then and stop talking before things go any further". At this point I'm thinking, ok, he's pushed his luck but when push came to shove he couldn't take it further, no harm done, right? But then he messaged her back and said if she ever changed her mind and wanted to meet up and "test the spark" to let him know 😳 the fucker just basically asked for a no strings affair right? She didn't reply to this and he then deleted the whole convo (just as well I have screenshots then😁) things were quiet for a few days and I tried to forget it all happened but it all ramped up again over last 2 days when she initiated a friendly conversation again which then took a turn yesterday towards the "what are we doing here?" He has now suggested a weekend get together so they can "get to know each other" again! She lives far away from us. They haven't made any concrete plans/ dates yet.

So basically as far as I'm concerned my marriage is over! Tbh, I've been unhappy for a while but didn't feel I could "justify" ending the marriage without a "good" reason 😞 we have 3 dc together and the youngest is only 9 months old.

I'm thinking of holding out to see what arrangements they make and having his bags packed for him when he returns from get together. But its really hard pretending everything is fine in the meantime. This will be ended one way or another, there is no doubt about that but dying to work out in my head the best way to deal with it all.

Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long.

He was always supposed to be off work today and tmo. One of the reasons I did it on the Wednesday was so he would have a few days to get his head round it before having to go into the office again.

Aw OP I'm sorry

How does he get to be the victim whilst you're the unreasonable one over reacting to what was nothing but a "flirtation?""

As everyone says, stay strong.

He's trying to break you down. Don't take this the wrong way, but I can almost understand it.

At this point he will do & say anything to try & change your mind. He probably thought playing the mum card would up his chances of you not making him leave.

It's likely she knows he's a shit & was hell bent on being a lying cheating husband.

Hold your head high, and don't let them make you doubt yourself.

You are well within your rights to ask your mil to leave as well - she should respect your need for space to think, and really should encourage her son to give you that.

I meant she knows what he is because you have been forced to enlighten her.

I can see why she wouldn't want him back on her doorstep but he's actively seeking sex with another woman. It's not like women are pursuing him, he's actually looking for someone to cheat on his wife with.

I don't think dh would class it as a flirtation if I was doing that.

That’s the thing though OP, a lot of women in the past just turned a blind eye to ‘flirtations’ because they felt choices were limited , for one person’intent’ wouldn’t be enough to break it, for others it’s an absolute dealbreaker. It’s the same on here I feel when women put up with guys being ‘curious’ about dating sites when supposedly happily partnered up and getting as far as creating profiles, as far as I’m concerned a total dealbreaker

What time is your eldest due home, shits?

Is your crappy husband gone yet?

I hope he leaves and you are ok.

It's simple - he needs to book a Premier Inn or such like.

He's an utter dickhead. All that shit about not being able to fit all his stuff in the car .

Wish I could helpfully point out to him that at the moment he doesn't need to think so far ahead...For now all he has to do is get out of your face, & pack enough clothes for a couple of days.

Not pack all his worldly belonging into the back of his car.

Flirtation!!! That's usually about what's NOT said if you're flirting, not Oman I f a dirty weekend away then a potential dirty weekend away which he/she may pull out of if not getting sex
Ridiculous!
It's the type of verbal bollox people such as those who go to a&e with a vibrator lodged up their behinds because they 'fell off a ladder into it' no, not me, not ever

*not planning a dirty weekend .... iPhone-fail!

Stay strong OP - you've been incredible so far with you reasoned and clear headed approach and your steps to cushion your dc from the impact

OP it's ok to have w cry. You've held up better than the majority of us would have this far, and you've been under a great deal of pressure. My MIL is very similar in the sense that whilst she may not like it, and she'd be around for all of the DILs, she will always have her DS x 4 back whatever they do.

You've been, and continue to be, incredibly strong and brave.

How pathetic of him to send his mum out, and ridiculous of her to call it a flirtation.

Flirting is one thing - arranging to meet someone in a hotel for sex is way way past that.

How dare she underplay what he's done to you?!

I think the OP set her straight. I think it was him underplaying what he told his mother.

Flirting is one thing - arranging to meet someone in a hotel for sex is way way past that.

How dare she underplay what he's done to you?!

Minimising it makes it worse actually and would make me even more angry and adamant in my decision to leave him. Atleast have the balls to own up to exactly what was going on and say a proper sorry, it's adding insult to injury any other way

He's gone. I'm so relieved. He hasn't taken much despite me having already packed everything up for him. I think it's going to take time for him and his parents to realise that I'm serious about this.

Oh good, are you ok OP? You must be drained, can you call someone to come over and sit with you for a while?

So glad he's gone. You must be exhausted. Switch off your phone and enjoy your DC this afternoon.

Oh glad to read that, OP xx

How exhausting it must all be. I know I'm one of many who really feel for you.

You've got so much support on here, but wish I knew you in RL so I could come round & make you a brew & be there for you, if that doesn't sound weird!

Hope there are people in RL you can call on .

Glad he's gone but I do wonder if he's done it to "humour" you until you see sense.....I don't think the penny has dropped with him at all yet. You must feel like you've run a marathon OP....stay strong, keep eating/drinking (I know that's easier said than done) and keep yourself fighting fit.

Lots of sugary tea, OP, turn your phone off and get a good friend/family member to come over and help you out. You're probably running on adrenaline right now and may crash. Take care of yourself

Change the locks ?
He will be back , he will want to see DC.
So now you need to decide what/when/how/ you are going to say to them

OP I'm glad that he's gone. Men are unbelievable and not in a good way. What a selfish creature he is. Wish you and your DC a smooth passage through to divorce and your life better after without him. You deserve so much more.

I'm so proud of you