Wonder what you all make of this scenario: for background I've been separated three years and have dated a bit but a bit out of the game. I'm a single mum and have very little reliable childcare, so getting out to meet people for dates is quite often a pain in the arse and has to be properly planned.
Started messaging someone I met online -- he seemed nice, we seemed to get on. We made a plan for me to go out to where he lives. I live in London and where he lives is fairly rural and a bit out of the way although not miles from London. But remote enough that I couldn't have pulled a sharp exit after a certain time of night if I suddenly wanted to.
On the day I was supposed to go to his I confirmed that I was on my way. He had previously said I could stay over and he would make sure I could have his bed (implication being that he wouldn't be in it unless I wanted him to). But when I left to meet him I messaged to say "just so you know, I think I'm going to go home tonight."
He took great umbrage, said he'd gone out of his way to make sure I felt comfortable with the sleeping arrangements etc and had arranged for him to stay with a friend and let me stay in his place (although he hadn't mentioned this to me before), had cooked a lovely meal, etc etc. I said sorry but I wasn't comfortable with staying over, I would come for dinner but go home. He said fine, don't bother and guilted me about the fact that he'd gone to lots of trouble etc.
I went home but messaged him to say I was happy to come over this weekend but a little earlier, allowing me to spend more time there but still leaving me the option of coming home if I wasn't feeling it/wasn't comfortable staying. He said fine and we left it as a plan to be firmed up in due course. I messaged him twice this week to ask if we were still on and there has been radio silence. I know he's got my messages and hasn't blocked me. It's possible he's had some emergency but it appears much more likely he's either ghosted me or is trying to make a point.
Leaving me to conclude one of the following scenarios:
a) that he had planned to get his leg over all along but had an elaborate subterfuge to make it appear this was not the case and once I'd made it clear he couldn't count on this happening he has lost interest and/or found a better offer. In which case I dodged a bullet.
b) that he's really controlling and is trying to punish me for "letting him down", which is a red flag. In which case I also dodged a bullet.
c) (the generous interpretation) that he's genuinely upset and I have been insensitive or messed him around. In which case I deserve it.
Based on his over-reaction and the way it has unfolded I'm leaning towards a or b but curious to know whether I've just become so hardened and self-protective that I'm being unfair and need to loosen up a bit. I have difficulty trusting people and sometimes think my compass is a bit wonky.
Any thoughts?