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Original poster

Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

999 replies

CatLadyToddlerMother · 27/07/2018 17:47

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

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Thread gallery
5
notsodimwit · 10/12/2018 18:22

You have got it under control xxFlowers go you! What a lovely mam you are xx

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 10/12/2018 18:32

Best friend has come over with an elf toy for Mini, she’s called him Green as you do! and he’s already causing mischief...

She’s also bought light up present bauble for the tree, it’s lovely. I have the best friends Grin

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Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 10/12/2018 19:03

She also came over with Christmas presents, and told me to open the flat box when Mini was in bed, guess what? My favourite box of chocolates Grin

I think she must have picked up from our phone conversation last week that I needed a boost. So happy. I really needed that Grin

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Queenofthestress · 11/12/2018 00:05

If the plug monster doesnt work, what about one of those cooking timers, I use one for DD, we sing this is the way we wash our face/body, then I set the timer, when it goes beep beep its come out time, it might take a few times for her to get the hang of it but it should work xx

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 11/12/2018 11:16

I'm starting to receive all his evidence through the post and it's really upsetting me, I know he's deliberately sending it to me as it's come from his solicitor (headed paper etc) and I asked for it to be sent to my solicitor.

How do I deal with this? I knew his evidence would make me look bad but it's just worse than I thought, I look at it and think I've got no chance of arguing against it Sad

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Pandamodium · 11/12/2018 11:32

CatLady his arguments on paper are no doubt the same ones he has given the social worker yet your DD is with you.

I've never done court although ex has been threatening it for years, he reports me and DH to social every 6 month or so, neglect, physical abuse, mental abuse. I've been an alcoholic, a heroin addict mentally unstable and a prostitute he has never ONCE been believed.

He's wanting to upset you horrible wanker he is.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/12/2018 12:40

Do you have to look at it? Can you take it to your solicitor unopened and hand it to them to deal with? Or wait until someone can be with you when you open it.

Nasty, nasty man!!

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 11/12/2018 13:28

Do you have to look at it? Can you take it to your solicitor unopened and hand it to them to deal with?

The envelopes are just plain white so I open it as I assume it's a bill or something as I still get some of my bills by letter.

Will be taking it all to my solicitor, going to send an email and ask if I can drop it off with the receptionists of the firm she works for.

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BumbleBeee69 · 11/12/2018 14:00

Don't read it. Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 11/12/2018 14:18

Will be taking it all to my solicitor, going to send an email and ask if I can drop it off with the receptionists of the firm she works for.

I think that's a good idea. I know all his shit will be out in court so it can be rebutted by your solicitor, but why subject yourself to it before you have to, right?

Do the letters have a return address or anything identifying them? Maybe you could recognize them by that. Or if they're just plain with nothing to identify them, hold anything like that until someone can be with you or even open them and peek at the contents for you.

magoria · 11/12/2018 14:33

What is his evidence?

If it is bitching about you courts will see him as being vindictive and that it is about that rather then your DD.

You on the other hand and preparing a case on what is best for DD and how to make him and her have the best relationship possible whilst protecting her.

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 11/12/2018 15:58

So far a letter from his doctor which has very little information in, just says they last saw him about his mental health in April 2018 and don’t know if he engaged with mental health services or what they offered him. Doesn’t mention that he attacked me so not even sure if he actually told them what he did, and doesn’t mention Mini at all either.

Then a statement from him which states I abused him and he feels that he has evidence that he wii submit separately to the courts only which proves he was abused and proves I am a risk to Mini.

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Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 11/12/2018 17:30

Need words with this social worker.

Just been blackmailed by my 3 year old to carry her up the stairs

"Carry me or I tell (SW name), She tell you off for me"

Grin the cheek

This is because last Wednesday when she bought Mini back she carried her up the stairs to my flat for me and now Mini expects it Grin

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TraceyBond · 11/12/2018 18:49

That's so cute

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 11/12/2018 22:08

Nursery accepted the Snowman dress as well. Said it’s an achievement for Mini to be up there so a small change of character to help her be there and happy is the least of their worries, which was a huge relief.

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Queenofthestress · 12/12/2018 03:10

If social services did genuinely believe that you were this huge horrific risk to mini you wouldn't have her right now at this second. You really wouldn't. They would have took her in november, hell he would of been given more contact than once a week in November. Once a week is a pathetic amount of contact to be given if they thought he was no risk whatsoever, usually as a baseline its alternating weekends & mid-week at a minimum

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 12/12/2018 11:04

Interesting chat with my Solicitor.

She seems to think it's not about me proving I was abused, hence why the SW has never asked me what happened - she knows whats happened because it's all written down.

Apparently it's about ExH proving that as a result of that abuse I can't care for Mini, so he's shot himself in the foot by going to court because he's basically saying "I was horrible to this woman, and as a result she can't care for her child".

And I have enough evidence to prove I can care for her - her attendance at Nursery, her going to appointments, me seeing friends with similar aged kids, meeting nursery parents for playdates. It's also not about the frequency either as they'd expect at this time of year for family things to take priority over friends/playdates/groups etc. As long as I show my anxiety doesn't hold Mini back, which it doesn't, he hasn't got a leg to stand on.

And even if he does successfully prove I can't care for her, she won't go him as he's been given 2 hours a week of supervised contact she'd likely go into Foster Care or to a named member of my family to give me a chance to sort myself out.

So I don't need to worry he's taking her off me, at worst she might go into Foster Care but I'd still be able to see her.

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RandomMess · 12/12/2018 11:12

They wouldn't put her in Foster Care lightly as it's too expensive!

If they had concern about your ability to care for her I think they would already have some sort of action plan and be asking you to clean your house, checking on whether she is attending nursery in suitable clothing, wanting you to share plans for play dates etc.

I hope all this is helping you feel less anxious.

Thanks
TemptressofWaikiki · 12/12/2018 11:16

So pleased to read your latest update.

Queenofthestress · 12/12/2018 16:28

If they was going to do foster care you would have had a child in need meeting already

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 12/12/2018 17:09

Have had several child in need meetings with the CP SW, Nursery and the specialist HV. FC was mentioned when the SW first became involved.

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Queenofthestress · 12/12/2018 17:39

Would it be a child in need or child protection for FC? Atleast with FC you have contact and its not permanent xx

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 12/12/2018 18:10

I don't know, when it was presented to me when SW first became involved it was my choice and I said no.

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Jux · 12/12/2018 19:58

But they have gone no further with it? It really doesn't sound like they are hell bent on removing her from you.

Are you starting on that catastrophising thing? Take a deep breath and STOP.

You are a lovely, loving, imaginative and gentle mum to Mini. You are exactly who she needs.

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 12/12/2018 21:24

But they have gone no further with it?

Not been mentioned again since so I assume not.

Are you starting on that catastrophising thing?

I had a moment when talking about it but at the moment I'm just focusing on Mini, she's got her play tomorrow that's the important thing. My Solicitor is working in the background and keeping me up to date but has said she won't really need to do anything more serious until 3 weeks before the hearing apart from the odd bit of reassurance but I do need to remember she's off on Annual Leave
from next Tuesday until 3rd January so can't contact her over Christmas (Can contact one of her colleagues in an emergency but they won't know the case so it'so only if absolutely necessary). Seeing her again on 3rd Jan, as all evidence needs to be submitted to the court on 9th January. We should have the Section 7 by 7th January so I have a chance to read it and get my Solicitor to write her report before hearing on 21st.

It's come round so quickly.

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