Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

Ordering the Nursery photos for Mini, I know her dad wants some as I sent the proofs with her today and the FSW said so, but he didn't tell her which photos as he wanted the order form.

Deadline is tomorrow, so if he's bothered he's got copies of the proofs he can contact the photographer himself

Been back to the doctors this morning about my sinus infection, been prescribed Doxycyclone, a new decongestant and more painkillers.

This is a killer infection. The doctor is worried about swelling on my face so back in next week to have it checked to make sure it's going down.

Just cried looking at photos from last year this time last year we took Mini to see Santa that was our last “family” trip, he never wanted to go anywhere with me after that.

I’m not sure if it’s the painkillers making me emotional or what but I just feel a bit meh, I think that was the beginning of the end

It could just be you're a bit run down from the infection and will be feeling a lot better once the ABs start working. Try to eat some live yoghurt before you take them, it helps cut down tummy upset. Get as much rest as you can this weekend, it won't do you or Mini any harm to have a quietish one.

Unfortunately won’t be a quiet one!

Family tradition that we see Santa on the 30th November or nearest Saturday. Promised Mini we’re going, so can’t go back on that.

Thankfully the codiene makes me constipated not the opposite, so I actually have to take something to keep me regular while I’m on it.

Awake because the pressure in my nose and eye is so intense, can’t take any more painkillers until 2am though so pacing round the flat as it relieves the pressure for some reason. Reminded me to cancel my dentist appointment though as I’ve had tooth pain and I need to sort my sinuses out as it could be that and I don’t fancy the dentist picking at my teeth while I feel so rotten.

Dosed off to sleep again about 3am. Oddly apart from having to keep topped up with water in the daytime the painkillers keep the pain at bay, it’s just at night it gets bad again.

Upright is less painful because your sinuses are draining somewhat, laying down means that they cant drain

You could try one of those calpol vapourisors, I know they're meant for kids but they surprisingly help

Can you collect cushions and pillows and prop yourself up a bit in bed so that you're more upright sleeping? You'd probably only need to do it for one or two nights.

Have fun with Fr Christmas!

Try inhaling - just steam is good. A bowl of boiling water with a towel over your head - when Mini is safely tucked up in bed of course. I swear by it - just had ABs for sinusitis myself (although not as bad as yours) and inhaling did help. I have an electric facial sauna but they aren't necessary. A bowl does just fine - or failing that, just put some boiling water in a mug and inhale. Best to do it when there are no littlies about though.

I've been propping myself up with 3 pillows, but it doesn't make much difference at night, it hurts if I lie down or I prop myself up. Hopefully the antibiotics work quickly as I'd like a proper nights sleep.

Mini wasn't keen on Santa, despite her loving Iggle Piggle and Pudsey Bear previously. She was a bit shy and hid behind me. But for £7 which included a toy and a cup of squash and a snowman biscuit it wasn't too much of a waste to not get a picture with Santa.

She chose this cuddly Alpaca from the "Toy Hut" afterwards, him and her elephant are best friends apparently

Just gone to get the Christmas decorations and I don’t have any.

I forgot to check when he moved or and he’s taken them, including a very special one my mum had made for Mini’s first Christmas, a saltdough one she did at nursery in 2016 and then one she decorated herself at nursery last year.

He’s taken the lot. He’s taken the most sentimental things to me as Minis name doesn’t come on decorations or stuff often.

I can’t stop crying, I promised Mini we could decorate the tree but no decorations to do so.

He knew exactly what he was doing, we had two bags of stuff and he’s taken the one I kept the special decorations in. I should of realised what he’d done when I moved back in in March and the tree was in a new place but I just didn’t think.

I’m such an idiot.

And breathe.

It’s fine. It sucks yeah but it’s fine.

We’ll decorate tomorrow. Thankfully a new b+m has opened in town so I’ll run down tomorrow and Mini can pick some new decorations for the tree.

It’s sad I’ll never see her first Christmas decorations or the handmade ones again but I can’t go asking for them back that’s what he wants to know he can control me and has me over a barrel.

Bloody tablets just made me a bit emotional.

I’ve ordered a personalised decoration off a website I’ve used before, and I’ve even got one for the cat which I’ve never been allowed to get before!

Onwards we go, this will not ruin Christmas, sad as it is.

Typical Mini cheers me up.

She's currently stood in a santa hat in the middle of my living room with her elephant and her new cuddly alpaca saying "ho ho ho I bring presents" it's so funny

Gold paint, glitter and cardboard are your friends here. Hand prints to make the star, circles cut out and fluttered, loads of ideas online. Salt dough is easy to make too and you can use biscuit cutters for quick shapes. Paint or push in sequins etc before they dry. Charity shops are great for decorations too - a lot around here have 10 baubles for a pound.

And can I congratulate you on how well you've managed your emotions. You're doing good.

Glittered*, not fluttered!

Aldi have a make your own bauble kit for £2, two packs of those, some glitter, paint and Mini's favourite stickers we'll be fine.

Granddads promised me a new tree as well, as mine was a cheap £6 one we bought in November 2015 when Mini was only a few months old.

Going to be ok. I've been told I've got her all of Christmas Day. Got to let her go on both Christmas Eve and Boxing Day to her dads, but I get to do the whole Santa thing , and I can do it might way no rushing to his family mid morning, no rushing to get her through her meal so we can go to another family member, no upsetting my mum because she won't get to see her only grandchild on Christmas Day!

I'm crying again but with happiness this time. It's going to be ok. If they wanted him to have more contact they'd have insisted he saw her Christmas Day. I don't care about CE or BD, as long as she's back CE to do the leaving out of milk wine and cookies for Santa I don't care how long she's away.

I'm going to be ok!

*might way should be my way

You've got this Catlady - I'm impressed by how well you've got through that upset about the decorations. And don't worry - they make decorations in school etc. I am sure there will be more.

I will have to share any she makes at school/nursery from now on, so depending on how many she does I'll have to give it to him as I can't see him saying no you have it, but it's ok he hated all the creative stuff, I love it. Plus I can choose all new decorations and decorate mine how I like.

He's done me a favour actually, I needed reminding that he's not in control anymore. Compromises have to be made but if I can be ok with those compromises then it's fine, Mini knows who her mother is, she knows I'm always here. She's started saying recently "I'm princess MiniLady and you mummy, mummy is Queen Mummy" she knows who I am.

I've bought her a new LED bauble which is different to the one my mum got for her 1st Christmas but is still pretty.

It's sad about the old decorations, but she's at an age now where she can really get involved in making new ones.

You handled this blip really well! B&M have quite a good craft section, as do The Works and The Range, if you have either of those near you.

The Works also have a reward card, and send you vouchers when you've spent enough, plus they're always having sales with 20% or 25% off online. I spent £60 in there recently stocking up on art and craft materials, and I got a £9.00 voucher!

Have fun with the glitter!

No Works or Range nearby but B+M have opened in the town centre at the beginning of November, Town Centre is about 15 minutes walk from me, there's also an Aldi opposite my mums house so I'll pop in there.

Just think of it as new decs, new memories! You will never look at a single bauble and have it remind you of past fights, past hurts, past fears. Your new decs are reminders of your new life and your new freedom.

You could always speak to your solicitor about dividing the decs, but honestly I think you have 'bigger fish to fry'.

I'm not going to get petty over it, I'm better than that. He's trying to prove I'm unstable so being petty over it will just add fuel to his fire.

Fresh start with new traditions. Exactly what I need.

You can start a new tradition for cold wet December days, make a new salt dough decoration which Mini decorates! You can place them around the room charting the journey of the years as Mini grows.

Seems a perfect time to start new Christmas traditions - I used to buy one new tree dec each year, dh iSn't keen but I do it anyway because he's a miserable old git sometimes.