Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

If he attempts to interfere then he will be making a scene in public.

Thankfully her Keyworker is a lovely woman but if you met her in the street you'd be a bit scared of her as she's 5ft 11 and plays rugby so I'll just ensure that she is in charge of Mini, which she should be as the letter says they'll be taken on and off stage "in keygroups".

There's also going to be the 2 male members of staff, and I can't see ExH squaring up to them.

Nursery are saying Mini can have 4 tickets and my solicitor says I have to let him have 2, so he may invite his mum or dad to go with him.

Then have a quiet word with her and make sure the handover is artfully engineered to be straight to you.

Just been the doctors about my headache, got a sinus infection. No wonder I felt so I’ll.

Been given naproxen, prescription co-codamol and a nasal spray.

Hope I feel better by Saturday for minis friends party

Sinus headaches are the worst, not surprised you were feeling rough.

But you have made giant strides, I am so impressed! Your SW may not have the greatest way about her, but it does sound as if she wants to give your ex enough rope to hang himself - so let her get on with it, keep in close touch with your solicitor and let things play themselves out.

I got a telling off by the doctor, it wasn't even my usual GP as it was an urgent appointment, but he told me that I should of gone in on Day 3 not Day 6 because I usually only get migraines for 48 hours and any changes in headache patterns needs to be investigated.

I think I deserved that though. I've been saying for days "oh it's just a headache" and "I feel bad going with just a headache". I know next time not to leave it.

Sinus infections are foul, I had a colleague once who spent three weeks throwing up and barely able to move her head. Hopefully you’ll be feeling like a new woman soon.

Odd thing is I don’t have pain anywhere else apart from my head and behind my eyes. But according to the doctor I have a swelling on my cheek and my neck lymph’s are up (I think I got that right?)

At least it’s sorted now. Those co-codamol are good. The OTC ones were just taking the edge off, I’ve taken the prescription ones at 9pm and I’ll probably be ready for bed in half hour or so but I’ve only got a bit of pressure behind my eye but otherwise feel normal again.

Woke up in the early hours as I have done everyday for the past week and a bit with a bad head.

Within 10 minutes I was back in bed asleep. Feel guilty relying on the strong painkillers but it's the better option for me and Mini atm as yesterday I was an in pain short tempered mess and I kept snapping at Mini as my head hurt so much. I think I'd take a bit tired over in pain any day.

Woken up to my friend having been dumped by her boyfriend, so being me leaped into action and took her DD to Nursery (different Nursery to Mini's) and I'm spending the day listening to her cry. Thankfully my mums off work today so is taking Mini for me.

You might need some salt water through your sinuses, Catlady. It’s gross, but it helps clear it up. Maybe look up neti pot rinsing. (You can do it with a tea pot)

Just got the interim order.

Order states that I will make Mini available for weekly contact at the fathers request....

And that none of the session have to be supervised by SS.

No wonder everyone's panicking and putting pressure on me/ ExH can basically do whatever he wants...

Well, that's unfortunate. But you will have to comply with the order. Does it still say his access must be supervised by his parents?

Check with your solicitor. That’s crazy!!!

This is the Interim Order which was made a week or so ago?

Take some deep breaths.

This is the one your solicitor has been working on to make workable and better for Mini (and you), isn't it? So just check with your solicitor that all the things she's been sorting out apply to this and then put it away and go by what she has organised for you.

It's just a bit of paper which has been negotiated over and subtly changed. Make notes on it which reflect what your solicitor has done and then file it.

Yes this is the interim order, decided at the initial hearing on 1st November.

Thinking about it I do wonder if it's been done deliberately, like you lot have said a rope in which to hang himself.

Solicitor is already discussing with me what we will offer ExH in terms of contact in court in January, and it's not as bad as I first thought. She's offering 2 hours a week and 2 hours eow, he may push for every weekend but it's not fair in my eyes because my family work and want to see her at weekends.

My heads pounding again so not thinking completely straight. I won't take the co-codemol while I have Mini to take care of so it'll be bedtime before I take anymore. I over did it going to my friends I think, but she needed me.

My local chippy delivers, I feel awful. Would it be bad to order sausage and chips and beans for Mini? I'll nick a few of her chips and be ok as I'm not eating much.

Of course not. If you're not feeling up to cooking, sausage chips and beans will be fine. Sounds good actually!

Mini certainly didn't complain!

I bet not! She’s a mini with good taste!

In terms of the interim order, follow it as instructed by your solicitor. I think they are testing him and you. They want to see if you are obstructing access and they want to see if he can put her interests first.

Play the long game. If you do this right you will be the resident parent and win this battle

But you also have to accept I think that he will have some form of access and that you can’t protect her during that time. It’s shit but having 90% of you as a positive role model and 10% of him as a crap dad will probably mean mini is a level headed and emotionally mature adult.

You can’t fight that because family courts are odd places and will make draconian decisions that aren’t in the child’s best interest if you don’t play by their rules. For now anyway.

I don't want to stop him seeing her, at all. I have always said that I believe that children should have contact with both parents if it is safe and appropriate for them to do so until they are old enough to make their own decisions.

I don't see my dad. But that's not because my mum stopped me from seeing him, it's because as an adult I have made that choice, and Mini should have the same.

Exactly that’s the choice I made too. And it’s not an easy one when you factor in risk. All I’m saying is play the game with family court and let him dig his own grave.

My ex gets four hours supervised once a week. And due to his shift patterns that means it’s only every other month. So 4 hours became 6 and I add in extra days when we can and over school holidays. I dont do the supervision, my mum and dad do.

Wish I could do the supervision, I really wish I could. I tried when we first split and it just sent me spiraling with my MH.

I couldn’t do it. For my health and also for my dd. She didn’t understand why, if we can have time together then why can’t daddy live with us?
It was a lot healthier and easier to involve a third party who had dd’s best interests at heart.

He wouldn't let any member of my family do it, so when I proposed it in court they wouldn't let it happen. So mad at myself for not forcing the issue.