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Original poster

Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

999 replies

CatLadyToddlerMother · 27/07/2018 17:47

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

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pointythings · 30/10/2018 16:20

I think the best thing you can do right now is take a deep breath and contact your SHL. CAFCASS are not perfect. You have a lot of evidence supporting you and contradicting this report. Your SHL needs to see it and work out if she can pick some serious holes in it.

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 30/10/2018 19:05

I think I need to accept that I’m going to lose her. Sometimes the manipulator wins, sometimes life just isn’t fair.

Solicitor will push for Section 7 but says they may not do it, she says she’ll try though as that’ll force them to speak to my Doctor, and support network.

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kaitlinktm · 31/10/2018 11:58

If they speak to your GP and support network that can only be in your favour. OP try not to give up - it's not over till it's over, and even then I am sure there are appeals. Remember, he has lied about stuff and the police have been involved.

I would be horrified if the courts took a child away from her main carer, with whom she is happy and who loves her very much and looks after her well, just because that carer has had mental health problems in the past (which she is now dealing with). I know I am not an expert, just an ordinary person/parent (of grown up kids) but I don't want to live in a country where stuff like that happens. Surely a judge - or whoever - should be able to see your side. Everyone is human and nobody is perfect - and Mini is happy and well cared for.

AcrossthePond55 · 31/10/2018 12:20

No, accept nothing but that you are the best choice for your child. Look at that beautiful girl and know that she is worth the fight. Remember Churchill's "Never Surrender!"

He hasn't won, not yet. And he may never. You can do this.

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 31/10/2018 14:39

Not even sure if I can accept this part invite she’s had from a friend at Nursery. I want to as the child apparently was only allowed to invite 5 from nursery and Mini was one of her choices which is lovely.

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Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 31/10/2018 16:47

Solicitor has replied to email about the invite saying "Take invite to court tomorrow so contact can be avoided on that date" Does that mean I can accept the invite?

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kaitlinktm · 31/10/2018 17:06

Do you have to accept before tomorrow? If so, I would accept.

I will be thinking of you and sending all my positive thoughts tomorrow - try to stay positive, you don't want the court to see you being negative.

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 31/10/2018 17:12

There is no RSVP date but the party is only 2 weeks away so I'd want to RSVP soonish

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Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 31/10/2018 17:13

Oops just let Mini eat her own body weight in chocolate, we did a bit of trick or treating on the way home from Nursery Grin

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Queenofthestress · 31/10/2018 18:17

Right, take it from me, whos been there and done that.
They will not take custody of her away from you. They wont take her away from her primary carer because they've said you're 'over anxious' or 'use DD as a weapon'
The most he will get is 50/50 custody. As much as you don't want him too that will be the likely outcome if it comes down to it

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 31/10/2018 21:38

I suppose I just have to let the process take it's course.

My solicitor says there's a lot of positives written in the report about me, and she thinks there's a couple of things he's said that she can use to our advantage. She won't be with me tomorrow as she has a meeting she can't cancel, but a colleague hers will be there for another case and will sit in with me and she's been briefed on the case.

Very very nervous. Don't think I'll sleep tonight.

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Queenofthestress · 31/10/2018 21:57

Judges are more savvy than you'd think, hopefully they'll pick up on it, pm me on facebook if you want to talk about it, I'm up most of the night with DS (keep having to remember not to use his real name lol)

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 31/10/2018 22:20

Queenofthestress I'm the same with Mini, keep wanting to us her name or the shortened version that Nursery use

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Jux · 31/10/2018 23:32

Good luck, love. Is your evidence ready, especially the things which show he's lying?

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 31/10/2018 23:36

Solicitor said I won’t get a chance to present any evidence at this hearing, all it’ll be is them trying to get some sort of contact for ExH while they decide what investigations they’re going to do.

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Binglebong · 31/10/2018 23:51

Just to let you know I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.Flowers

You are amazing. This thread has shown that.

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 01/11/2018 08:57

Outside court now. He’s turned up my solicitor hasn’t yet Confused

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Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 01/11/2018 11:05

Not been to the actual court yet but my solicitor has spoken to his and Cafcass.

Social Worker doesn’t seen to be on my side but she’s not on his either. She does state I obstructed contact.

Solicitor is pushing for weekly supervised contact but without ExHs parents present - they want SW or a family Support Worker to supervise. I don’t think it’s going to work but we’ll see.

Section 7 has been ordered.

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kaitlinktm · 01/11/2018 11:45

Thinking of you OP - just imagine all us MNers standing behind you, supporting you. Thousands of us! Smile

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 01/11/2018 12:05

He’s got what he wanted for now. Contact in his own home supervised by his parents. The judge said there was no reason to stop his parents seeing her Angry

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Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 01/11/2018 12:20

ANd Social Workers doing the section 7 so I might as well pack her bags now Sad

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kaitlinktm · 01/11/2018 12:30

OP a few posts back you were saying that he would be taking her home full time from this session - wondering if you would have to pack her bags. He isn't. As far as I understand so far he hasn't even got 50/50. Is that right? Is it EOW and a midweek day? This is not as bad as you were predicting, so try to remain hopeful about the Section 7. You don't want to exude negativity to anyone - Mini included. Other more knowledgeable MNers will be along later to support too.

How long does a Section 7 take?

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 01/11/2018 12:48

Section 7 has been issued to be finished by 9th January ready to go back to go for 21st January.

He;s got 5 hours a week supervised in his home by his parents, and he gets to dictate what day it is, so he could ask me to take her out of Nursery. I did tell my solicitor that I was not cancelling appointments for him, she said he might be told to take her but he's said he won't take her if I am there. No way am I missing out on her appointments to keep him happy. It's written into the interim order that was can both attend appointments but that they will during my contact time and I can "rearrange" contact around her appointments. The order just says "Contact can be refused if there is a good enough reason which can be backed up by the mother". So I can also accept the party invite I think.

More worried about the Social Worker who keeps saying I'm not fine, and my mental health is still bad. Although she has been told that she needs to see evidence of where Mini almost typed her RL name then as I've just been emailing my actual solicitor about this using her name will sleep because I know he has a tiny bedroom which you can't even get a single bed in, problem is it will fit a cabin bed in over the head of the stairs and I'm not sure whether this would count? If it does I'm screwed.

However the PNC check that Cafcass did showed he has two charges against me and they were more serious than I thought. He's got "Battery" and "Making a threat to life". Although he's still saying that it was my fault, and denying he was physical with me. But I assume they can get copies of the statements we gave to the police?

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kaitlinktm · 01/11/2018 13:15

So he only has her for 5 hours a week - that's not even a day. I know I don't know about these things, but I would have thought that if a judge didn't have concerns he would have let him have a weekend, or at least 2 full days if he can't have her overnight. Maybe someone will come along and correct me though.

Doesn't a Section 7 have to be done by an independent social worker though - so presumably one starting out with an open mind and not your current one?

A cabin bed over the head of the stairs doesn't sound very safe to me - unless I am misunderstanding what you mean. Does it mean on the landing?

It does seem to be unfair that he can just say when he wants her though - he is bound to ask for her on Christmas day for example.

Original poster
CatLadyToddlerMother · 01/11/2018 13:30

No section 7 can be ordered to be done by the Social Worker involved with the family if they are involved. Cafcass do them rarely now apparently.

He's got her for a few hours Christmas Eve, I've said no to CD but he could demand it anyway.

No the small bedroom at his house has the bulkhead of the stairs in IYSWIM. He wants to build a bed over the bulkhead as there isn't the room in the room for a single bed. =

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