Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

The judge is still going to see a stack of good reports about you versus the opinion of one social worker - and she will have no evidence to support her contentions about you either.

Just keep your head up and keep fighting. When it blows over, it may be time for a formal complaint against the social worker, but you can set fire to that bridge when you come to it.

Wouldn’t the fact that your ex lied and claimed there was no domestic abuse or violence on an official court form actually represent a serious offense, as he is effectively committing perjury? Please hang in there.

TemptressofWaikiki You would think so but the only person whose mentioned it so far is my solicitor and she doesn't seem keen on pursuing it

how many hours has the sw spent in the company of mini? and how many hours does mini spend at nursery? might be worth a mention when needed. will you be able to question why she has reached the conclusions she has, any does she have proof of her findings? just food for thought.

Mini is in Nursery for 33 hours a week, 20 funded and the remainder paid by me; I considered dropping it down just to the 20 funded (she's not getting the 30 hours, but does get 15 hours plus 5 paid for by council) but the Nursery said they'd have her fulltime if I could afford it and they've been great when I've needed to move days around or send her for extra so don't want to drop it down.

CP SW has been involved since June this year, has seen Mini on quite a few occasions including in her Nursery with her now former keyworker present and also with me at home. We've also had meetings at Nursery where Mini's been in the next room but could be seen playing with her friends through the door. This is the one who keeps saying these things about me. She's never seen ExH with Mini at all but has met ExH and says he's not a risk to Mini and neither are his parents. Disabilities SW who I haven't seen for awhile has been involved since the GDD diagnosis in 2017, and has seen me with DD on many occasions. She's also seen ExH with Mini and has said he was ok with her, but not much else.

Not sure if I will get the opportunity to ask CP SW about everything. I will email solicitor tomorrow and ask.

Elephant found! Panic over I can get some sleep tonight.

He’d been left in a shop that closes early so I hadn’t had a chance to ask them about him. Mum went and asked and found him can’t wait to tell her!

That's brilliant news! Now you can focus on the rest of it. Chin up, keep going. 🐘

Lucky Mini, elephant bought a giant chocolate coin back from his holiday to say sorry for worrying her I love my mum sometimes she comes up with some bizarre but strangely logical plans

Excellent! Really pleased.

Good hews, glad elephant had a nice holiday and brought Mini a little gift (or gigantic one!).

CatLady, there is so much that is good on your side and so little that is good on his. Really.

Interestingly every report written from Mini's consultants says "I saw this young lady in the clinic at (place name) on (date) with her mum" none mention her dad as he's never attended. Also I remember when she first went to see a particular consultant he asked me on our 2nd or 3rd appointment if I was a single mother, I was still with ExH at that point, so that's all got to go in my favour surely? I've basically been doing it on my own from the start anyway as he never did attend appointments unless he absolutely had to (he grumbled at attending one on his own when I was really really ill with tonsillitis and an ear infection at the same time and I basically bedbound as I couldn't stand with vertigo - I'd gone to the doctors in my pjs I was that ill. He didn't like the fact that he had to change his shift start time by 2 hours it didn't effect his pay as he just stayed until closing instead of 2 hours before they closed but he still moaned about it!)

It went in my favour that its always been just me

I just bought a bed for Mini. She didn't need one because she's tiny and there's plenty of space in her toddler bed, but I had the money so I decided to do it.

She picked it herself, not to my taste but I've not got to sleep in it! I let her choose partially because Ex-MIL used to tell me I gave her too much choice (she hated that Mini picks her own clothes for example, and will often pair bright colours together but it's her wearing them). Can't wait to get it all set up. It's a single bed. Delivered next week oh and it's brand new but I paid £150 for the frame plus mattress, both good quality.

Borrowing my mums toolkit and I'm going to prove I don't need no man when I put it together by myself!

Well, that level of good caring parenting will boil sw's piss... Good on you!

I don't need no man - wonderful! So true.

DD used to pick her own clothes too, and she didn't like pairs of socks. It used to drive MIL bonkers that dd wore odd socks. I actually started doing it myself just to make a point. It also drove the woman barmy when dd wore my scrunchies on her legs, "you can't let her go out like that" with a cat's bum face. Of course I could!

Jux I always let my toddlers wear whatever they wanted, as long as it was appropriate for the season (and I made damn sure only sensible options were available!). As for odd socks, DD2 worse odd socks to school for the longest time, as a form of rebellion against the uniform. She's a prefect now, so she's gone back to matching socks...

Also in our household I was always the queen of flatpacks, even when my H was alive. Nope, we don't need men.

Clothes are always weather appropriate but for example today she wore bright yellow leggings under a pink striped dress, her choice not mine . It can also be difficult making DD wear anything as she regularly goes grouch phases of disliking certain clothing items.

Only time she ever looks remotely put together is when she’s in her Nursery uniform and even then she often wears bright yellow or fluorescent green tights! her uniform is bright red with grey skirt/trousers

*through not grouch although she can be grouchy

My DD1's greatest triumph was a pair of bright pink leggings teamed with a pink and purple striped dress with bright blue wellies. But warm and comfy and sensible.

I mean, if you can't splash out on colour when you're a toddler, when can you?

Also Queen of Flatpacks in our household (but dd has caught up with me. DH is useless though).

pointythings MiniLady longs for a pair of flashing shoes but unfortunately her feet are only just big enough for proper shoes! She always gets upset when her friends at Nursery have flashing trainers and she doesn’t.

ExH was never good at building things anyway! Everything was always a piece of sh*t and would end up either smashed or deassembled but of course I was never allowed to help

I'm so glad to have found your Thread again Catlady... I cannot believe how you have been treated by the support agencies around you ... please stay strong lovely

Would anyone like an overtired 3 year old whose fighting sleep?

Nope, but have a and from me.
Been there, done that - it's hard.

No thanks love, DS is hard enough let alone putting him and mini together!