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Original poster

Am I insane to believe this?

136 replies

BelleEnd1 · 19/07/2018 16:37

DH went out on Monday night to meet a "colleague". I had doubts so challenged him and when backed into a corner, he admitted he had gone round to a woman's house. He has history with this woman, before we were together but has also had shady interactions with her since we've been together.
He told me he was an idiot but went round to help her with her CV. He produced the CV when challenged.

I kinda believe him but also have nagging doubts... alongside the fact that if I read this from someone else on here, I'd think they were fucking mental to believe him.

OP posts:
pisces7268 · 19/07/2018 23:46

So he cares enough about her to lie to you and go help with her cv, but happily blocked her the next morning at your request 🤔

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 19/07/2018 23:57

He is full of shit. Ànd him blocking her today? Nope, more bullshit. He is a liar and probably a cheat, this is who he is, but you already know that. He is also probably feeling very smug that he's fed you a load of bollocks and he's off the hook. Again.

callywags · 20/07/2018 04:55

So sorry you are going through this, it must be shit.

Really depends on what you want to do OP, does seem like she has been a problem for your relationship for years, take some time to think, drop it with him and allow him to relax and watch everything, meanwhile think about your future with him and get all your papers/ accounts, all the info you need, invade you decide to split. Lots of Mners will have great advice for you to get your ducks in a row x

pissedonatrain · 20/07/2018 05:05

He's a liar and a cheat.

There was no reason to go to hers for a CV at all.

He was willing to risk your marriage over this OW. I'd get my ducks in a row.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/07/2018 05:26

You can't trust him and he's proven this time and time again. Do you really want to spend your life with a liar and a cheat?

hibeat · 20/07/2018 06:09

an old flame is always a bad idea. He might have found himself in hot waters before counting up to three. This woman is after your husband, and he's playing naïve. He will not tell you all the truth at this stage, maybe he's not admitting to himself what is actually going on. She's in his head. You still are there because he does not want to hurt your feelings, if it was dead, he would not even try to cover up. He has to cut contact with her immediately, CV, online texting whatever, HE has to make this step. If she's in the background there is no hope for you two. Take care of yourself first. You do not deserve any of this.

hibeat · 20/07/2018 06:11

He would have to change jobs if you were to believe him. I would go as far as that.

hibeat · 20/07/2018 06:14

If he's the one doing the shitstorm beware, he is guilty as hell.

SmartyPants0 · 20/07/2018 06:16

Have you looked through his phone and seen their conversation history because he didn't just rock up at her place... where was her husband that night?

BunsOfAnarchy · 20/07/2018 08:40

Hard one. He prob did help her but feared your reaction so lied.

Heres where i have a problem though. Surely as she was a problematic issue in your relationship before, he would have done his best/utmost to not invlove her back in his life in any way. Why? Like is he thick?

If this was me and i had history with some dude, i wouldnt dream of ever contacting or interacting ever again.

Original poster
BelleEnd1 · 27/08/2018 10:06

Apologies for dredging this up again... but DH originally blocked this woman and now she is not on his 'blocked users' list (it's empty).

Does anyone know anything about WhatsApp? Is there any way she would have disappeared without being unblocked by him?

OP posts:
twilightsaga · 27/08/2018 10:16

@BelleEnd1 no. He's unblocked her. Do you really want to spend your life constantly having to check up on him and this woman? He was clever enough to think of the cv excuse and have a copy on him incase you challenged him so he will be hiding alsorts no doubt. He's a liar so you will never know where you stand with him

Merryoldgoat · 27/08/2018 10:28

What’s your relationship like generally? Are you happy or is it stressful? Fraught?

Slartybartfast · 27/08/2018 10:31

she is a bit pathetic needing help with her cv

bethy15 · 27/08/2018 10:31

*Apologies for dredging this up again... but DH originally blocked this woman and now she is not on his 'blocked users' list (it's empty).

Does anyone know anything about WhatsApp? Is there any way she would have disappeared without being unblocked by him?*

I think you know the answer,and I think you know what's really between them.

Original poster
BelleEnd1 · 27/08/2018 10:32

Generally it's great.
We used to have some trust issues due to him being a dick but the last couple of years things have been great which is partly why I'm SO upset about this whole thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
BelleEnd1 · 27/08/2018 10:33

I genuinely don't believe there are proper feelings between them- knowing them both, I would think it was only a sex thing, if anything

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 27/08/2018 10:33

you need to have trust in a relationship surely

bethy15 · 27/08/2018 10:38

I genuinely don't believe there are proper feelings between them- knowing them both, I would think it was only a sex thing, if anything

Isn't that bad enough?

You seem to be forever worried or checking on him because you don't have the trust there any more.

And TBH there is a connection between them. Otherwise he could just block her and move on with his life with you. And he clearly goes to her, even though he knows how much it would've hurt you, and you don't give someone money when they need it without there being a connection or feelings there.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 27/08/2018 10:49

You don’t deserve to be treated like this , please see it for what it is and that is a betrayal. LTB before he does to you on his terms . So sorry you’re going through this xx

Merryoldgoat · 27/08/2018 10:52

In light of your update I’d be moving on.

A relationship without trust is worthless.

neverbetrickedagain · 27/08/2018 11:30

I actually dated a twat who used "helping with CV" tactics to get close to women he fancied. He would strike a friendship quickly and offer to come over to help her with her CV. All done under the pretence that he is just a nice, friendly guy. While he saw it as a chance to get into her pants at some point. I think women agreed to it because he seemed harmless enough as he is definitely not the alpha male type. Anyway, such a horrible person.

GinIsIn · 27/08/2018 11:40

Go back to the beginning of this thread and read it as though someone else posted it. You already know the answer.

Kennycalmit · 27/08/2018 11:41

Oh come on OP. No disrespect but this is probably the most naive post I’ve read all week

People don’t just vanish from being on the blocked lists.
She’s no longer on that list because he’s unblocked her.

And I’m sorry you won’t want to hear this but I don’t think it’s ‘just’ a sex thing between them both. There’s clearly feelings involved. If it was just a sex thing he could be messaging anybody. But for her, he went behind your back to help her with money, he sexted her, he was gunna go over to hers and help with her cv (at the very least) or sleep with her. He’s unblocking her when he gets the chance.

Wise up. That’s a lot of effort for someone he has no feelings for Hmm

At the very least he’s a sleaze and he’s disrespecting you and wanting to sleep with this woman. At the most (and I think this is the one) they have feelings for each other, as he seems to be VERY reluctant to let her go.

You’re constantly worrying and checking on him. You don’t trust him. He doesn’t respect you because he does nothing but lie to you and try to arrange secret plans with this woman.

He clearly doesn’t want to let this woman go. Sorry OP, you deserve better. Stop clinging onto him when his mind is elsewhere.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 27/08/2018 11:58

And remember that if you do let him go she hasn’t “won” anything , he is a cheat at the end of the day , most do it again , he is not a prize , he is defective xx