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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH does this to upset me.

152 replies

Whatsnoton · 15/07/2018 13:28

Whenever we have a row he mimics me, I absolutely hate it and it really really upsets me!

For example I'll say something like "you're really. It being fair" and he will repeat it back to me in a stupid voice, insinuating it's like I sound. Inevitably this really upsets me and I've asked him to stop so often and he says he will but then does it again. I just feel really ridiculed and then get upset so he then says in a baby voice "oh whattodo is upset, oh dear". I've had to just leave the house this morning because I can't bear it.

I've got to go back, but I just feel totally down with it. It's always important to him to win every argument and when he does this I can't seem to argue back, I just need to get away from it.

I know this is weak and pathetic but it makes me feel physically sick.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatsnoton · 16/07/2018 22:18

@Gemini69 thank you

OP posts:
Arum51 · 16/07/2018 23:07

Keep making him sweat. Of course he knew how much it upset you! Fuck the Mr Innocent bullshit.

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 17/07/2018 01:06

He knew how much it upset you, he just didn't care. I hope you get much needed rest.

LizzieSiddal · 17/07/2018 07:34

I’ve just read the thread and am so glad you’ve taken some action. I really hope he is getting the message now!

Can I ask is he generally an ok chap? Is this the only time he behaves in such a nasty way?

eddielizzard · 17/07/2018 07:43

You don't ever have to go back you know. You can just walk away.

Chocolala · 17/07/2018 08:04

You told him it upset you, repeatedly, and he mocked you for being visibly upset. He knew. He just thought he could get away with it.

If you want to stay with him, or need to set down rules as to how he treats you, and stick to them. If he starts to belittle and mock you, you go stony faced and immediately walk away.

Or you can enjoy the lack of stress and decide life is better without him...

Chocolala · 17/07/2018 08:04

*you need to set down rules

BitOutOfPractice · 17/07/2018 08:31

Of course he knew it upsets you. You told him repeatedly. He could see with his own eyes it upset you. But he hasn't stopped. Because he doesn't care it upsets you. He does it precisely because it upsets you.

It's so spiteful and childish and nasty. I'm not surprised you want to slap him when he does it. It must make you want to scream.

Enjoy your break (and bravo for taking it!)

What do you plan to do longer term?

Lizzie48 · 17/07/2018 08:36

He sounds like he's never left the playground quite honestly. As if he didn't know he was upsetting you, when he mocked you for being upset. Quite frankly, it's the behaviour I expect from my 2 DDs (9 and 6) and I don't tolerate it from them.

Well done for leaving for a few days. You should make it clear that if he doesn't stop belittling you like he's been doing, then you'll be leaving permanently. He's more likely to take notice now.ThanksThanks

chicola · 17/07/2018 08:52

I would say Are you repeating what I've said as you're out of ideas for your point of view?

Then tinkly laugh and say I win then.

roseblossom4 · 17/07/2018 09:04

I know how this feels,I work in a primary school in N.Ireland and I have a broad country accent. One of the teacher always mimics me,I've told him my accent is part of me and I'm not going to change it for anyone,but he still does it. He's done it in front of my work colleague and it is really embarrassing and makes me feel like shit. If he does it again I'm going to report him to the principal.Angry

TheClitterati · 17/07/2018 09:04

So he wilfully ignores what you say. And if he does hear you he doesn't believe what you say? Not much of a Better picture he is painting.

Enjoy your break OP.

ravenmum · 17/07/2018 09:08

Yes, he's going to have to come up with a better response than that. Is that likely? If he does come out with something more honest, how much effort are you willing to put in, or have you actually had enough now anyway?

Sassenach85 · 17/07/2018 09:09

Well done OP. I don't have the same DH issues as you but my god, when you talk about staying in a travelodge with wine and steak I think all women should resort to this now and again for sanity!

ittakes2 · 17/07/2018 09:19

Ask him, when you are not in an argument, if someone did this to him as a child. It doesn't make it OK - but I suspect someone did and that's how he has learned to argue. Maybe bringing up the past might break the cycle - if it doesn't - then you need to think about where you go from here. But I couldn't live with that.

wagil · 17/07/2018 11:37

Is he by any chance slightly jealous of you Whats? Do you have a better job than him or does he think that perhaps you are slightly brainier than him?

I only ask because his behaviour suggests that he has found the one way he can render you voiceless in an argument, the one way he can get the better of you.

I think it's a device used far more often by males to keep females in line than the other way round, at whatever age.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 17/07/2018 14:35

Keep females in line...
Or perhaps keep females subordinate.

He upsets you for the entertainment value.
Nope.
Well done on taking action and speaking with your feet! Let’s see him mimic that one.
Brew Please be careful with the alcohol at this time- keep your wits about you.

81Byerley · 17/07/2018 14:41

Tell him if he does it again you will not stay to listen, and if he does it, don't reply, just leave the house, or lock yourself in the loo for a while. If he starts again when you come back, leave again. No comment, no argument.

Original poster
Whatsnoton · 17/07/2018 21:08

@wagil yes I do have a very well paid job, he's unskilled manual. I've no issue with that and I've always said we're a team. His job allowed me to return to work very easily and it always worked well. But you may have a point there!

For the rest of you, I've decided to return home after work tomorrow. What happens next I don't know, he's well aware that it's the last time he demeans me. I feel differently about him now, on a positive I feel in control, on the negative I have voiced how awful he was to me and that means I have to face it.

You've all been great .... thank you x

OP posts:
Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 17/07/2018 22:27

I wish you all the best Whatsnoton, whatever you decide. You're very brave.

Arum51 · 17/07/2018 22:40

All the best. Keep us updated. I really hope it all goes well, but at least no you know you can be okay without him. With any luck, this will never happen again!

wagil · 17/07/2018 22:43

Good luck Whats. I hope he turns things around, for both your sakes.

LastOneDancing · 17/07/2018 22:55

Good luck what's
Hopefully better times lie ahead.

hellsbellsmelons · 18/07/2018 09:41

Good luck OP.
I really hope it's the kick up the arse he needs.
Good luck tonight!

Churrolicious · 18/07/2018 11:01

Good luck Whats. Hopefully the time apart has given him a chance for a long hard think about his behaviour and how unacceptable it is.

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