OH does this to upset me.

[Whatsnoton]

Whenever we have a row he mimics me, I absolutely hate it and it really really upsets me!

For example I'll say something like "you're really. It being fair" and he will repeat it back to me in a stupid voice, insinuating it's like I sound. Inevitably this really upsets me and I've asked him to stop so often and he says he will but then does it again. I just feel really ridiculed and then get upset so he then says in a baby voice "oh whattodo is upset, oh dear". I've had to just leave the house this morning because I can't bear it.

I've got to go back, but I just feel totally down with it. It's always important to him to win every argument and when he does this I can't seem to argue back, I just need to get away from it.

I know this is weak and pathetic but it makes me feel physically sick.

Thank you all, I'm here but I'm really really tired!

I'm heading out for a quick walk, then putting phone on silent and hope to be in bed with my kindle by 8.

OH was in the garden while I packed, I just stick my head out the door and said I can't cope with your nastiness, I need to rest and think about things so I'm going away for a few days. He looked taken aback but didn't say anything. He called 30 mins later but I've ignored it.

I need sone sleep before I speak to him again.

Thank you all, you've helped a lot.

He actually says why does it bother you, you know it's childish behaviour so why don't you just ignore me.

And my answer would have been ‘Because you know it bothers me yet you still do it deliberately to upset me”. It’s not the kind of behaviour from someone who loves you.

OH was in the garden while I packed, I just stick my head out the door and said I can't cope with your nastiness, I need to rest and think about things so I'm going away for a few days. He looked taken aback but didn't say anything. He called 30 mins later but I've ignored it.

Superb. Hopefully this will really show him the depths of how shit he makes you feel and will either pull him up on it or you’ll be able to consider your future clearly.

Good for you. I hope you can get some rest and clear your head in the next few days so you can decide what to do next.

Op you have handled this like an absolute superstar today. Well done you. Please keep posting to let us know how it develops. He sounds like he really has lost all respect for you over the years and you have just totally stumped him with your show of strength and your show of how pathetic you find him.

Good for you! Hope you get some rest.

Absolutely bloody well done. You don't have to put up with it. I really like what Ravenmum said. This will either spur him to stop when he realises what he could lose, or he has no intention of treating you with respect.

Apart from this, what is your relationship like? Is he generally respectful?

Well done you! 💐

Well done. Hope you get a good nights sleep. (Don't stay on MN too long!)

But be prepared when you do talk to him, he'll probably try to turn this round to make him the victim, claim you're overreacting. Might be best to stick to texts or emails not actual phone, so you can keep on top of the discussion and respond calmly?

Don’t speak to him. Stay as far away from him as possible until he at least apologises for his shitty behaviour.

Well done OP you are absolute super star and handled it perfectly

I'm showered so cooled down, so hot here today!

He called again but I didn't answer but at the moment I've put everything on silent.

I'm getting into bed with my kindle and a little bottle of wine, I'm really really tired and upset but I'm not so tearful. I am glad to be a n my own though, I feel calmer.

Again thank you all xx

It sounds like you've got some blessed relief! Enjoy your book and wine, sleep and regroup. Hopefully this will be the wake up call he needs.

OP
Sleep well and rest
Refresh your batteries
Tomorrow, as Scarlet says, is another day!

My ex used to do this too, amongst other annoying, patronising, twatty things. Good luck

Well done for taking yourself off for some time to think, I have an answer as to why he does it but it’s not a nice one; he doesn’t like you OP, think about the person you like/love the most, would you be so downright nasty to them? You wouldn’t dream of it because you care about them and their feelings. What does that tell you about him?

Are you not married? He’s just a boyfriend? Dump that shit and enjoy your life, you only get one, there is absolutely no need whatsoever to allow someone to treat you with contempt.

Keep us updated. Have a good night's rest, and enjoy work tomorrow! You've got this.

Yes he isn't very intelligent so mocks you to cover that up. Complete fuckin arsehole and I couldn't love anyone that was a prick the way he is to you.

Well done for getting some space.

I'm not in any way saying you need to talk to him, but should you send him a message to let him know your safe?

It's possible he's worried because he doesn't know where you are. Is he likely to start phoning people to ask if you're with them?

He’s got no reason to be worried. The OP said she wanted some space and time to think about things. He knows it’s unlikely anything has happened to her.
OP, I’d not talk to him for a few days.. give him time to think about what an absolute arse he has been. I think he needs a sharp shock to stop this. Then you can talk... like adults

Well done OP! You’ve given your OH a lot to think about.

Well done op. If you want him to stop calling maybe text him to say, I'm OK, I'm not ready to talk. I will be in touch when I am. Then he has no reason to keep calling, or claim later he was just worried. And you can get some rest and time to clear your head. You are very brave.

Ah hope you have a good nights rest.

My ex used to do this- drove me insane. The other thing he did which, bizarrely, I never noticed till near the end was to answer my question with a question-

Me- Why do you do xyz?
Ex- Why do you think I do it?

At which point I'd be flustered and attempt to answer with what I thought, then ended with a kind of "So that's what you think is it?" which used to totally flummox me, I'd be none the wiser, the issue was nowhere near being resolved and I'd feel done up like a kipper

It was only when I went away with work for a few days (big thing for me, not the norm) and myself and a few colleagues went for a few beers after work. I had such a good time. At one point I stepped away and just surveyed the group. They were all laughing, relaxed, respectful etc and I had a MASSIVE thunderbolt moment of

"Oh. My. God. Where on earth have I been?? Where did I disappear to? This is me, this is the type of company I enjoy, NOT walking on eggshells and alienated from like minded folk"

It was so empowering. I knew then I would end it when I got back and no amount of his psychological fuckwittery would win me round

Slight derail OP sorry, but just wanted to share my seminal moment. Maybe you'll have yours

Wow! I slept really well! Woke a couple of times but resisted the urge to look at my phone and dropped off again.

I've had a text, he's sorry he knows he's wrong blah blah. He's worried where I am (he's not, he couldn't honestly give a dam!).

As a PP suggested I've just text back I'm fine, I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk.

Massively busy at work today, so I won't get a minute to myself, which is great.

The TL is sort of attached to a steak place, I'm going to treat myself to that tonight.

Thank you all again, I've got space and time to think. It's weird I hadn't considered just booking myself into here until suggested. I'm definitely going to book at least a third night, I know I don't want to go back tomorrow.

Fantastic!

I can't remember who said it but I love this quote:

'Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first check that you're not surrounded by arseholes.'