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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH does this to upset me.

152 replies

Whatsnoton · 15/07/2018 13:28

Whenever we have a row he mimics me, I absolutely hate it and it really really upsets me!

For example I'll say something like "you're really. It being fair" and he will repeat it back to me in a stupid voice, insinuating it's like I sound. Inevitably this really upsets me and I've asked him to stop so often and he says he will but then does it again. I just feel really ridiculed and then get upset so he then says in a baby voice "oh whattodo is upset, oh dear". I've had to just leave the house this morning because I can't bear it.

I've got to go back, but I just feel totally down with it. It's always important to him to win every argument and when he does this I can't seem to argue back, I just need to get away from it.

I know this is weak and pathetic but it makes me feel physically sick.

OP posts:
dirtybadger · 15/07/2018 13:56

If you know he wont ever stop, then youll have to put up with it. Or leave. If you decide to put up with it, then I guess you could start responding more directly- not sure it would help.
Eg

Dp is dick wahwahwah
"Im upset because youre doing what you said you wouldnt. You said you wouldnt because you know it upsets me. So im assuming youre doing this to upset me."
then disengage, go and walk it off.

Personally I would go for the "are you being a mean arsehole on purpose or by accident?" but Im not sure name calling in a relationship is a very good sign. Then again nor is mocking your partner.

Lweji · 15/07/2018 13:56

What you should tell him when you go back is that you will leave the next time he does it. And mean it.
He either discusses issues with you with respect or there's no point being in that relationship.
I'd bet it's not the only issue.

gamerchick · 15/07/2018 13:57

You could do a version back to him. Such as ' ah and (his name) off because he lacks the intellect to have an adult conversation, poor poor thing' then just sit and look at him. or give him daft things to repeat to make him sound like a cock. He is doing it to disarm you, it's deliberate.

Or go home and tell him you want to talk about what seperating looks like.

TwoBlueShoes · 15/07/2018 13:58

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this man? Is there any way you can leave?

RabbitsAreTasty · 15/07/2018 13:58

Your children are grown. Your husband is 8.

I wouldn't say anything at all to him. I'd say it all to the divorce lawyer.

The moment he starts to mimic that means you have won. Give a triumphant smile and flounce off with a flick of your hair. Then get divorced so you don't live out your days with this shit.

YNK · 15/07/2018 13:58

Do not respond!
Starve it of all oxygen. He's looking for a reaction so make sure he gets nothing!

Pack your things and LTB - he's not a force for positive good in your life, is he?

Lweji · 15/07/2018 13:59

If you don't want to leave him, when he next starts it, don't acknowledge it, but immediately go back to the actual point being discussed and conclude that it will be as you said.
As in, "so you agree that...?"

gamerchick · 15/07/2018 13:59

I do think that it's going to take action not words to make him stop.

gamerchick · 15/07/2018 14:00

I do think that it's going to take action not words to make him stop.

MikeUniformMike · 15/07/2018 14:06

He's a bully. I'd LTB.

WizardOfToss · 15/07/2018 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/07/2018 14:08

I would just say “You are a bully” - in a calm tone of voice.

Noqont · 15/07/2018 14:13

Fuck that. I couldn't be with someone who thought it was ok to bully me by ridiculing me. You don't do that to someone you love. You make them feel good about themselves, not shit. I'd move on and get rid of him personally.

HollowTalk · 15/07/2018 14:15

Do you have enough money to go and stay away for a week or so, OP? It would be really good to say absolutely nothing to him, but to go home and pack a bag and just head off.

500Decibels · 15/07/2018 14:17

Next time, applaud him and say ‘well done! what a mature and adult contribution to this conversation!’

500Decibels · 15/07/2018 14:18

Take the power away from it.

bobstersmum · 15/07/2018 14:18

What a fucking childish bellend.

Original poster
Whatsnoton · 15/07/2018 14:40

Yes I do have enough money to go away for a week, I'll have to work but a travel lodge is fine.

I do need some space it just makes me so bloody unhappy.

OP posts:
UtterClusterFluff · 15/07/2018 14:47

The second he starts with it just put your hand up to stop him and say 'look, if you don't have the intellect to have a proper conversation without resorting to childish mimicry it's best we stop now' and turn around a walk away - repeat this every single time.

He's still essentially getting what he wants which appears to be out of any meaningful debate but he's not getting the pleasure of seeing you upset and at some point his ego might get a little hurt at being called stupid.

LastOneDancing · 15/07/2018 14:48

I would find this unbearable to OP.

If you choose to go back to him, you need to lay it clearly on the line that the next time, the very next time, he mimics or baby's you, is the last time he's speaking to his wife. Because that will be the moment his marriage ends.

And mean it.

sonjadog · 15/07/2018 14:52

I’d start by going away for a few days to think over what you want to do next. Let him know that you are seriously considering splitting up over this.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 15/07/2018 14:55

I could not live with someone who treated me with contempt

This is not "winning" an argument, it just show he does not respect you at all. Would he talk like this to his boss? To his best friend? To anyone?

Ugh, I could not hack it at all

Butterymuffin · 15/07/2018 14:59

Book the travelodge, go back and pack your stuff for the week in silence, and leave. Just don't say a word. Show him by actions how far this has pushed you.

wagil · 15/07/2018 15:19

I feel upset for you OP reading your post. I have a vague recollection of something similar happening to me as a child with my brother, who grew up to be an arse.

Any man who does this to his wife is totally and utterly pathetic.

Did he do it in front of, or to, your children?

Original poster
Whatsnoton · 15/07/2018 15:22

@wagil, thanks! I'm back now, just upstairs getting my stuff together. Booked a travel lodge near work so that's all fine.

I feel very upset but I think I do need a lot of time alone to just decide where we go from here.

Thanks everyone for the posts, most appreciated.

xx

OP posts:
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