Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

[Lily007]

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

Hiya Bluntness. I’m not too bad today thanks.

I’m going out tomorrow for the day with my friend. We’re going to have a mooch around the shops and have some lunch. Should be quite nice.

I imagine XH will be on pins waiting for my response to his solicitor’s letter 😜.

Hope you have a nice weekend 😘

Ooh that sounds like it will be fun. Buy yourself some little treat, a lipstick or nail polish or something, something to make you feel good. Even a nice bottle of wine or some yummy chocolate.

When's the 21 days up? Yup he will probably be bugging his solicitor to see if a response is in,,,,🤣

And you too,,😁

Thanks Bluntness

The 21 days are up next Saturday. I hope he’s bloody sweating waiting for a response 😉

Ill send out sweating ex wishes 🤣

He's probably only done it because she's nagging him about it.

It will probably be winding her up more than him, which is an equally lovely thought

I’ve just had a real meltdown 😭

Something on tv reminded me of what we were doing this time last year and I’ve ended up a sobbing mess!

I’ve been doing so well for weeks, I thought I was totally over him............... clearly not 😔

My wedding anniversary is coming up next week and that’s been playing on my mind.

It was 5 months on Saturday since he left. It feels like an eternity.

I don’t want him back, I’m certain of that, I just don’t want him to be happy with her!

Hey Lilly.

You're doing so well, it's normal I think to still have meltdowns!

They are much fewer and further between now as well.

How was the shopping and lunch?

Hi Bluntness

I had a really nice day on Saturday thank you. We mooched around a few shops, had afternoon tea - I had a glass of wine, mooched around some more shops and called at a lovely country pub on the way home.

I’ve been feeling a bit “iffy” all day for some inexplicable reason.

I’m sure I’ll dust myself down and get on with it......again 🤞

Do you think perhaps he knows he's making a mistake but knows you don't want him back so there's nothing else he can do. It's like self-destruct. Divorce is so final it's bound to stir up feelings. It's all been out your hands though. He will or even already does realise what he's lost. Pride stops him at least begging you. He'll wake up some morning think what on earth did I do, for sure.

Ooh that sounds like a good day, particularly the afternoon tea/wine.

Feeling iffy is ok you know. You've been through a massive life change. There are going to be days you feel iffy. But they are less and less.

Just accept it's part of the healing process, damn him to hell and back. And dust yourself off. A good nights sleep always helps...

It's no time at all. Regardless of how badly he behaved/ is behaving you are suffering a loss. You are grieving, as well as still coping with the shock of him leaving.

Grief lingers on, and often hits us hard precisely when we think we are moving on. There will be days like this but, as Scarlett said. Tomorrow is another day

MsPavlichenko

“I can’t think about it today, I’ll think about it tomorrow”.

I need to find my Tara 😉

Love that film, especially Butterfly McQueen as Prissy. “I knows all about birthin’ babies” 🤣🤣🤣

GWTW, one of my favs!

The line you need to adopt as your mantra? "I wish I could care where you go and what you do. Frankly my dear, I don't give damn!".

Glad to see you're still KOKO Lily and you had a nice day with your friend.

I love the GWTW quotes. One day you really won't 'give a damn' and that will feel so good and you'll look back and realise how far you've come.

Btw what on earth happens when the weird 21 day deadline expires? Did your solicitor friend think it was an unusual thing to do? In which case, will you just to see sit tight and wait to see what his next move is?

Hi Toots

I assume once the 21 day period has expired I’ll get a reminder. My friend thinks he’s testing the water and hoping I’ll issue a petition on the grounds of his adultery. It seems that he’ll have an uphill battle to issue on the grounds of my UB. The recent Owens -v Owens Court of Appeal case has set a precedent.

I intend finding out what he wants me to do and then I’ll do the opposite. I’m not having him calling the shots. I have the advantage of free legal advice, he hasn’t!

My last job was in the legal profession and I regularly conducted hearings in the county and magistrates courts, so I’m quite confident I can act in person if necessary.

I intend finding out what he wants me to do and then I’ll do the opposite. I’m not having him calling the shots.

By doing this you're actually being controlled by what he wants. Do what you want, not the opposite of what he wants. Being vindictive isn't good for your mental health. I've no idea why people wish to stay married to people who don't want to be married to them.

The recent case you mention highlighted the ridiculousness of the current legal situation. The judges involved agreed that morally there was no justification for forcing the wife to remain married but that there was nothing they could do as the law stands.

I'd have to agree with wolf there, do what you want Lilly, nothing else.

But,,,,I think doing what's best for financial reasons is understandable, and I can see why someone would remain married to someone who didn't want to be married to them, someone who was openly living with someone else, would do so for financial reasons.

Sometimes it's not as easy as simoly doing what you want, sometimes there are other factors in play. It's a game, but it's one played for a very good reason,,,

Wolf1826. It makes absolutely no odds how ridiculous the situation was, the fact is the law is the law and it has to be adhered to.

It makes no difference to me whether I’m married to him or not so your snide comment why people wish to stay married to people who don’t want to be married them, is unnecessary.

Your posts all seem quite antagonistic and for that reason I won’t be responding further.

In that case the man is attempting to continue the control by forcing his wife to remain married.

Lily's position is quite different . It seems to me she, having taken legal advice is wisely doing what is in her best interests at the moment. It may well be pissing him off too.
I am sure she is savvy enough to do what she needs to do when the time comes.

Agree, doing what's in your best interests and doing what you would really like can be very different.

I'm fairly sure Lilly would like to give him the big fuck you, but the best way of doing that is not doing exactly what this man wants and divorcing, it's making him pay, and pay big.

Sometimes you've got to play the long game.

It'll be interesting to see what he does next then. I remember hearing about that case on the radio. You do exactly what you want to do, something tells me you will make him 'pay big' as Bluntness put it and he will bloody well deserve it!!

Thanks ladies 😊

I’m going to do what’s best for me, not dance to his tune.

I read through all of this as I have been in your exact position plus a few years . TBH I also agree with wolf above - divorce can be a long and distressing period ( of years) and I would try not to add any more pressure onto yourself by dragging things out . It is very early days for you . The only person that suffers in the end is yourself . The ups and downs are to be expected , the changes in moods are to be expected - all normal . Sadly I think you are losing a potential source of valuable support on here when you sometimes attack people who offer an opinion at variance with your own. Good luck to you .

Sometimes it's better to act with decisiveness in the early stages when they may well have feelings of guilt and this can achieve a more beneficial outcome in your favour.

Sometimes the longer it goes on the more 'boring' the situation and any guilt turns to frustration. As you say you've no children together so after the financials are sorted no reason to stay in touch so he won't ever have to have contact with you again ergo no reason for him not to be a twunt.

Just a thought you may like to ponder. But agree you alone know him and how he may or may not behave. Just please remember although you have said in the past you 'know him better then he knows himself' he has shown a different side to that you have seen previously. Good luck it's a long and boulder shrewn rocky path ahead that's for sure.

Beenthere. I welcome all advice but, for some reason, wolf seems to post antagonistic and hurtful comments which are unnecessary and not helpful.