The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

A short (15 min) programme about loneliness, interviewing people in Brighton.
Some of the things they say are so similar to what has been said on here.
Worth a listen I think.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bgbzjd

Welcome Hanging and Chels
Wow must be hard after 30 years Hanging went through a similar thing last year and it is awful. But you get there.
I had a lovely weekend with the kids, went out and about and did lots of fun stuff. Dreading this weekend though - will be alone. I hate it! all my friends have family stuff on so try not to 'depend' on them so to speak . . .

Evening everyone.

How are things? It’s definitely getting autumnal out there. I got drenched on the way to work this morning. I’ve heard rumours that the sun is going to make a reappearance....we’ll see.

I’m having a difficult time with my ex at the moment. I don’t want to go into massive detail here but somehow he is making me feel guilty about his drink problems. Guilt is something that gets hold of me very easily. I can feel guilty about almost anything!

Plans for the weekend or coming week? I’ve got a busy-ish weekend, although two of the activities will be me doing things on my own.

It's good to hear from you. Don't feel guilty for him drink problems aren't your fault.

I've had an awful day. Been texting my ex and he still can't see who he is. And I got really upset and just been crying. I think I'm failing at everything now. I can't keep on top of anything now it's just us two. I deserved better so why is it me? The house is an absolute mess. I'm so tired. So unmotivated. Before I'd get up with energy and concentrate on my child. Now I've got to deal with everything it's so hard. I think I'm letting her down

Hi Purpleme - can you stop texting your ex? He won’t change - your going to be struggling - it’s normal - you’ve lost someone you once loved. Have you got any family who can help you? It’s bloody horrible when you feel like you do. How is your sleep? Your appetite? Your concentration? Do you feel you have a future? Are you feeling suicidal?>The reason I ask is you maybe becoming depressed. Your GP can properly access you and it may be worth a visit if you answer “poor” to the above.
What I do when I feel ike this - I do the minimum and treat myself to easy foods. You are not letting your daughter down. Hold her hug her feed her - just do the basics till your energy levels increase.🌺
Hopeless - his drinking his problem - it’s not your responsibility to fix this for him. Can you go no contact with him?
I met up with a fellow MN on Monday - I had a lovely time and we are planning to meeting again. I’ve felt rough today - stomache cramps - irritable - my sleeps not been great for a few nights either. Ive not had a period for 18 months but feel like ones a coming!! I think I’m in the menopause now - it poured down here today this morning but brightened up this afternoon. I felt cold and the nights are drawing in - (I moaned it was tooooo hot when it was toooooo hot!!)
but I want the sun back. It is meant to be coming back in London tomorrow.
I’ve got a trip planned to whitstable with friends tomorrow and then swimming Friday. My son goes back to school next Wednesday.
I’m sad too at the ending of my relationship - (the lovely kind charming loving man) I thought he was!! He was abusive - he hurt me - when he was meant to love me. 🙁.
Life is tough - but as someone once said “ who said life should be easy”
Take care and let’s give ourselves a hug too.

Maybe I should stop texting. So hard.
Hard letting go and to believe it's gone now

I don't have family I'm close to. Which is making me think what's the point.
My sleep is ok and my appetite is ok I think my concentration is ok. I just feel 'depressed.' I've had to be so strong for so long for my little girl and cos I've had to be that I forgot what it's like to let someone in.
I just think that no one would be bothered if I wasn't here apart from her.

Yes purple I have felt like that too - that no one would be bothered if I wasn’t here at times. It passes and life becomes more fun again - can you access any counselling at all? It’s hard feeling alone isn’t it. I am one of.9 and even as a child I felt alone. You don’t sound clinically depressed to me. Your reacting normally to what’s happened and you need to grieve. Take care.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling so low, purple.
Mary makes some good points, maybe it’s worth a visit to the GP?

I know how hard it is to stop contacting someone. ‘One day at a time’ is one way to approach it. You don’t have to say “I’m never going to....” Try saying “Today I won’t...” and if you do make contact, write that day off and start again the next day.

You sound like a lovely, caring Mum. You will start to feel better, this won’t last forever

I hope so. I really hope so.
I couldn't afford counseling, and it scares me, a lot.
Thank you so much xx

I'm away with my closet friend atm. Her phone pings throughout the day with messages from friends. I've only had messages from H. I feel so embarrassed and lonely. I have 2 other friends who I catch up with over dinner etc but they are not the type of friendships where we would send each other holiday pics or message throughout the day. I feel so lonely but grateful to have my friend who I'm away with atm

Maybe we can set up a group on WhatsApp?

I usually text friends but nobody to check in with, talk about silly stuff like you do with a partner

Purple I hope you're OK. It can be hard to go NC - Look at www.baggagereclaim.co.uk Natalie who runs it has really good advice.

Hi everyone - am feeling a bit less fed up now, and my life seems to be less chaotic! Am going to try and catch up with the thread ....!

Hi Batshit welcome back! Glad you're heading in the right direction.

How are you this morning purple ?

Peachsnow I had a very similar experience a while ago when my phone was playing up. My friend said to me 'well you must have noticed you weren't getting any messages'......uh no actually, my phone doesn't ping all day!

Here's something from the Action for Happiness website, especially for September. I'm going to give it a try....

www.actionforhappiness.org/self-care-september?mc_cid=437818c28e&mc_eid=edf0ee670f

Hello all, and sorry for not checking in earlier. There is only one reason for it: I am knackered! Just that. Absolutely bloody knackered. I have not stopped throughout August, didn’t manage to get my act together enough to come on here. I did read though :)

I’ve got a few days away, so I’ll update you with my news.

Hello everyone. The thing I hate the most and makes me feel the loneliness is overwhelming is having no one saying good morning to me. And wishing me a good day x

Sorry for the self pity post but it's really got to me this morning.

Afternoon all. Hope everyone has had a good week

@user1493423934 hope you have managed to make some plans for this weekend? I always beginning to panic on the Monday before my eow. But it seems to come together.

@HopelessWithNumbers ex use to blame me for his bad mood. Took me a long time to be able to say I am not responsible for him. His mood or actions. You have no magical skill that forces him to drink. That is his choice. Although I'm sure it takes time to switch off the feelings we have towards these people

@purpleme12 you are not failing anyone. As long as you and your dc and safe and fed. Then it is a successful day. I don't know if I have already said this so sorry if I'm repeating myself. But please see your gp. Get some support and go as no contact with ex as much as you can. This will help your mental well being. We are in the pattern of eow here and I am so glad there is no contact in between. Knowing he is coming to get the kids makes me anxious and emotional. So it is easier with less contact. Google counselling. I found a local charity that charged £10 an hour. It is a safe places to get it all out. So was worth finding the money for if you can find something.

@Mary1935 pleased to hear your meet up went well. And that you have got things planned. Back to school has come round so quickly

@AsleepAllDay like the idea of a WhatsApp group. I have few single Mum friends and we check in with each other most days. It filled the gap when I stopped that daily contact with ex.

@8FencingWire good to hear you have some time to catch up. Look forward to camp updates 😀
@Ginandtonic4all. You are welcome to pm every morning to say good Morning. It does get easier.

I'm hoping we can have nice few days before the start of school. The summer break has flown by. My two have been very emotional this week. Which has been a challenge. Think we just need the routine now.

Thanks Eve that is so lovely x.

Also @AsleepAllDay I'd be up for a whatsapp group and happy to set it up! If people are interested PM me your mobile number and real name I guess.

When my daughter was tiny another single Mum and I used to phone each other every morning- we would usually just do ‘three rings’ (this was before the days of mobiles believe it or not ) It was mainly to check we were alive!
I’d join a Whatsapp group.

I'm late in but can I join? My DH died 2 years ago. Then I fell in love with my business partner. It was fantastic. We decided to move in together, I sold my house, we got a house together, paid a year's rent up front, I moved, he was sorting out sale of his. Then 4weeks after I moved in, he dumped me. I am now here in this big house, and do not have the slighted clue what to do with myself. I can't afford to keep it going forward. All our work was together (self-employed), so now I am jobless, partnerless, and in 11 months from now, can't afford my house. I need income. I need friends! I am so deep in the shit I don't know what to do with myself. Really despairing.

Hello dragon I’m just on my way to an appointment but wanted to say hi 👋 and welcome (it’s never to late!) and also, what an awful story, I’m so sorry. To have all that happen after a bereavement is dreadful.
Please stick around and hopefully we can offer some company

Hi all. I'm feeling more lonely than normal today. I hurt my back earlier in the week and the pain probably isn't helping. I'm adopting a cat at the weekend, though so I'll have some company soon

Hi all. Another weekend looms ahead. I have plans for Saturday afternoon but nothing else apart from that - just me and DS... Need to get better at being pro-active at organising myself so I am not alone so much.

I'm so sorry @dragonslair

Morning folks.

Hi 8Fencing good to have you back! Looking forward to hearing what you’ve been up to.

Dan sorry to hear about your back. I sympathise. Pain makes everything more difficult. It definitely affects my mood (my pain, not yours obviously!)
Good news about the cat though. Is it an adult or a kitten?

I’m finishing my cat sitting today & going home.

I’ve got some stuff lined up this weekend but it’s all things I’m doing on my own so it might turn into a bit of a struggle.
What I’m finding difficult at the moment is that work used to be a bit of a refuge from loneliness, but it’s become somewhere I don’t feel happy in, so I now dread Mondays as well as some weekends!