The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

I also dread when he'll have my child for longer.

@Ginandtonic4all I guess it's the fact that you are no longer part of a team. To have that person to make decisions with and back you up. It is you and you alone.

Anyone else feeling particularly lonely tonight?

I made all the decisions by myself and I never felt like he was there for me emotionally or mentally or physically. That was part of the problem. We weren't a team. He didn't know what being a team was. He didn't used to be this person. But he always says he's still that person he was years ago. Well you're not if you've not been that person for years. So I have been doing everything by myself for years. I still feel overwhelmed sometimes now and empty but we definitely weren't a team, that was part of the problem

Hi Everyone

Seems like the bank holiday weekend is highlighting people missing their children & missing being part of a team maybe?

I'm certainly not looking forward to the bank holiday in the way I once would have done. Although I am very glad not to be at work.

My daughter and family are away on holiday and I although I only see them about once a week anyway, knowing that they are further away makes me miss them more.

I've got a day with a friend to look forward to tomorrow and a couple of days on my own before going back to work. I'm going to try to make the most of those days. Planning a trip to the cinema & maybe an exhibition.

Hello Dan are you ok?

purple I wrote my post before I saw yours - so ignore my team stuff! Hope things are ok for you this weekend.

Not posted for a while but I feel very lonely tonight

It's ok Hopelesswithnumbers.

I have done a bit of tidying and wiped the surfaces down which is good. I've been finding it really hard to keep on top of the house to be honest.

Hello.. lonely soul here too.

I find cleaning is the first thing to go when I feel down purple
I share a flat so have to keep a certain standard in the shared areas! My bedroom can get out of control though!

Hi Turnedover & Sole how are things looking this morning?
Any plans for today?

Sorry to hear Friday night was difficult for some. Hope that you can find the energy to get out today?

@purpleme12 no in reflection I ran the house and kids. Planned and organised. But we would of had plans for weekend. Camping or visiting family. Ex was shit in many ways but I wasn't alone. I need to keep focusing on the positives of him not being in my life now.
Well I'm off to the allotment for some therapeutic digging.

Can I join!
Pregnant with #2, DS is 4. DH works 12 days on 2 days off and we live in a small village, 15 miles away from the next closest town. No family or friends. 👎🏼 I’m early 20s so find it hard to make friends as everyone is out partying or living abroad.

Morning all

Sorry to hear that this long weekend is a tough one for some of you.

My kids are still away and not back till late Sun evening.

I have a list of stuff / jobs to do, but I'm not feeling very motivated. Maybe I'll try and write a list. Getting out of bed might help

I find this a strange time of year. The seasons are turning and it makes me quite reflective and introspective. I feel sadness at the passing of spring and summer. I know some people love Autumn, but I find it difficult.

I think I'll follow your lead Eve and get outside and do some jobs in the garden and enjoy the sunshine while its still here.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Hello Hooeless I feel hopeless this morning. My cleaning needs doing badly now. More tidying really. I have so much to do. I know I will feel better if I do it. Bank holiday weekend.. no visitors and nobidy to visit. I imagine everyone I knkw having a good time and nobidy gives us (me and disabled DS) a second thought.

I want to go out for a bit but where to?

Hello everyone..

sole I hope you managed to get out today, I find getting out helps

I hope everyone else is managing their long weekend also.

I didn’t plan anything this weekend because sometimes I hate plans, then when I don’t have anything to do/anywhere to go, I get very low. I have so many jobs indoors but just don’t have the inclination to do it

Hi Eve and Purple - I’ve had a lovely time for my sons birthday. I was very tired today and we stayed in. He’s at his Dads tomorrow evening until Wed morning so I’ve taking him and his friend to the cinema.
It’s so tough when the long weekend stretches ahead of us over the bank holiday. I was planning on doing a car boot on BH Monday but there are none local to me.
I’m free from 10am until about 2pm if anyone wants to meet up in centralLondon on the Monday now. Please PM me. We could go for a walk along the south bank. I think it’s meant to stay dry.

Afternoon everyone. How's is everyone on this wet and rainy day.

I had nice day out and lunch. Which gave me a much needed boast.

Kids are back early as ex is off to France last min. Lucky I'm so flexible.

Last day of my three weeks of tomorrow. Not looking forward to going back to work. (I work from home so not like I have company). But be glad to have some routine. Then I have the last four days off before the kids go back to school. Where did those six weeks go.

That’s is very flexible of you eve .I hope he’s as flexible with you when you need it.

What a miserable day weather wise. It’s been raining all day I think.

I’m cat / flat sitting this week. It’s quite nice having a change of scenery. I’m in London still but different part.

I’ve been quite busy socially for the last few weeks. Today I’ve been on my own and it’s been ok. My anxiety is quite high but I went to see a film this afternoon which helped.

How has your weekend panned out Namechanger ? I know what you mean about planning. I have to have plans to try to keep the anxiety at bay, but I try to build a bit of flexibility in, so life doesn’t always feel like a military exercise!

@HopelessWithNumbers I have to say ex is very accommodating because he know he is on the back off for leaving. But I haven't asked for anything.

Unfortunately he omitted telling me he has a later flight so wouldn't need to drop kids back early. Unfortunately my mind reading powers aren't working so was sat waiting when I had made arrangements with a friend which I moved round because of the change of plans. So I won't be so accommodating next time.

I've just been sat here crying cos my child is starting full time school in September and I don't know what to do. I'll miss her so much. We did everything together. I feel like it'll just stop all our adventures.

Morning @purpleme12 Starting School is a big change. I know I was lost without my dc for a little while.

You will get use to it. Try and use the time to get things done so your free time is for fun stuff.

Offer to help out at school. It is good if you can get involved. They always want people to read with the children. Or library.

Those six hours soon go by.

Have followed this thread for a while now and I know most of these feelings . My marriage broke up very suddenly after 30 years . So much of what has been said on here resonates and yes Bank Holidays etc are the worst . I live alone. Horrible crappy weather yesterday - good excuse to watch loads of TV and eat . There are times I need to get out and others I stay home . I'm naturally a very sociable person so solitary life is hard for me .

Anyway what I wanted to say was to purpleme12 have a look at this site . It's all free and short but lots of stuff on here - maybe something on here will help fill those hours that you anticipate with your child starting school and REMEMBER ALL Mums feel like this - even the ones who have fabulous lives

www.futurelearn.com

eve that’s really annoying. Hope you have a good day today.

purple oh that’s sad but understandable. As Hanging says, I expect all Mums feel like that at first. What I remember is hating not knowing what she was doing. I’d been with her all the time and then suddenly I didn’t know what was happening! You will be fine though, even if it takes a little while.

Welcome Hanging 👋I’m sorry to hear about the break up of your marriage. I can’t begin to imagine the pain and confusion after being with someone for so long.
Please feel free to post here if it helps.
Have you any plans for today?

Thank you Hopeless . I am hoping to get out later today . I always love a walk at the sea and am lucky that I live relatively nearby . My home is my comfort though and I feel blessed in that respect . My kitchen floor also needs washing ! I do keep in touch with friends online too . I always find the regular routine of the week is so much better than these Bank Hols but yes also wanted to add that not everyone is having an amazing time even if with families and partners . Being alone out and about you certainly notice that !

Thank you everyone. The turn in the weather is not helping how I feel either