The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

You're so kind, Hopeless.

Purple, you can talk here. There are so many people here who listen and have such good things to say

purple No of course you don’t want to feel like that, it sounds awful. It won’t last forever, although I know it can feel like it.

But it also sounds as if you had quite a strong sense of yourself and your own worth in the past. You are right that you do deserve something better.
It sounds as if you’ve been through a difficult time. As people often say here, be kind to yourself but also let others be kind to you, in RL if possible but here too.

Ah thank you Want2 That means a lot. I think it’s just that these feelings people describe resonate with me so much.
I hope people get some comfort or practical ideas from all the lovely, thoughtful people that post here.

Thank you so much xx

purple if there’s no love or respect in a relationship, then there is no relationship, and quite rightly you realised that. Of course you’re worthy, you’re worthy of more than he was prepared to give. You’re grieving at the moment, so be kind to yourself and keep posting here

I didn't really expect to feel like this x

Have you got any plans for tomorrow purple ? Is there anything that might take your mind off things for a few hours?

Just to entertain my little girl! Thing is when I don't feel useful is when I feel worse too, when I'm not busy. I'm trying not to spend money cos of course got less money now and still waiting for tax credits to get back to me so might go for a walk. Got to try and make myself positive again somehow

Yes keeping busy is good. I often find looking after a little one can help because you have to focus on them to an extent. Can be exhausting too of course, especially if you’re feeling down anyway.
Hopefully the weather will be nice where you are tomorrow. A walk and a picnic maybe?

Hi Purple sorry your having a bad time. It will pass but it doesn’t feel like it at the time. I’ve had lots of dark days - the light does come back. Keep posting - I’m in South East London if I can be of any help. 🌺

Thank you so much. Find it a bit hard to tell people all this xx

I'm in Yorkshire so not near London unfortunately!

Purple it really does get better over time. I'm two and a half years down the line and I'm so much happier in many ways. I haven't moved on a great deal, in as much as I don't have friends close by and I haven't met anyone new, but I don't have that awful day-to-day feeling that I'll never recover and life will never improve. I'm hoping for better things for myself, but it's down to me to take care of that. Don't expect too much from yourself, just take things slowly and you will start to feel better, little by little.

Oh Purple hope you are OK now. Yy to what want2beme says - I'm ayear down the line and still feel jittery and lonely sometimes. Doesn't help that ex has moved on very quickly.
I am lucky that i met some fabulous single mothers in my area and we formed essentially a 'support group' and get together every month or so - met for brunch today which was great. I was only one there with no kids (at their dads) but still had a good time. PM me if you want.

How are you this morning, purple?

purple as pp have said, it does take time, and it feels like the emptiness will never go, but it does. Is there a gingerbread group in your area? They are a good organisation for single parents, support with lots of things.

Hope you feel a little better today

I have woken up feeling a bit better this morning, a bit more 'normal'. I've been very up and down since it happened so don't know what will happen next lol.

Sometimes I think part of the problem is that it didn't feel like 'my' house either

Hello everyone.

I haven't posted for a while. Felt a bit down after I got back from my hols and my kids have been away quite a bit since, which I find unsettling.

I've not been out much but have been trying to clear my head a bit and focus on getting sleep, getting everything ready for back to school etc.

Im not missing my ex so much and I'm looking forward to some stuff I have planned with friends over the coming weeks.

I've realised it all takes time and that I'm in no rush. Things are getting better. I'm feeling more content and calm and thinking about my needs a bit more. Something I def neglect when involved in a relationship.

Hugs and sympathy to those struggling at the mo. Please be kind to yourselves and keep chatting on here.

Hope thank you, I'm doing ok. Caught up with and old friend for s chat which made me feel a bit more human still finding it hard to motivate myself but going to try for a few simple jobs around the house this afternoon as I know I'll feel better if I can get some bits done.
Re: Torquay- I used to have family nearby and prefer the babbacombe side for swimming, it's less 'seafronty' if that makes sense. Have a look at this, it opens with google maps and gives you more details/ where to park etc. I think it's really good:

www.devonandcornwallwildswimming.co.uk/wild-swim-map

Hello to all the new people joining. Sorry to hear you're feeling the emptiness too, this is a good place to talk it through and get inspired about how to change things. 8's doing a grand job of that atm

For those struggling at the end of a relationship, I also promise you won't always feel this way. I know that sounds trite but its true. It's a huge life change and emotionally gruelling to say the least. I think so much of our identity gets caught up with relationships so we feel like we've lost ourselves when it comes to and end. I can't remember who but a PP talked about listing 5 good points about yourself, I think it's a really good thing to do even if it's a struggle to start with. Be kind to yourself.

another it's good to hear from you again and really good to hear that you can feel that things are getting better and you're allowing yourself time. I think that's such a healthy way to look at it.

Fab that a couple of you managed to meet up in London, I think there's quite a few here that might join in London meet ups in the future

Hope everyone's doing ok today

Hello All

So for the end of relationship people I've been googling about 5 or 7,stages of grief thinking it might shed a light and came across an article in The Psychologist - 5 stages over loss of relationship and it seems very sensible. I don't know how to link. But have a google.

I went for a walk today with a friend and she's into yoga and stuff. She told me off for walking looking at the ground as you don't connect with all the trees / birds / possibilities ahead. And really weirdly I did feel less alone on the walk looking ahead rather than down at just my feet.

Purple - I completely understand what you mean about not having an adult to bounce off. I split with DH and while I know it was the right decision (for many reasons), there are still things I miss about being married to him. The companionship is one of the key ones. I spend so much time alone with my son that I worry that sometimes I might lose a bit of my sanity.

But I know I also am prone to remembering the better aspects of being with him, when in reality I know I was frustrated with his behaviour a lot of the time.

I also think I underestimated the security of being married. Even though sadly he didn’t offer much support in real terms, I suppose there was a deep-seated feeling that if shit really hit the fan, then I wouldn’t have to deal with it alone. I am suffering with terrible dreams which show my true anxieties of being on my own.

I’ve realised that one of the most important things I can do for myself now is prioritise the time I spend with friends or family, and make sure I don’t spend too many consecutive days just me and DS.

HopelessWithNumbers You mentioned that you would love a pet, in particular a dog but can't have one where you live, have you heard of "BorrowMYDoggie" its an idea for people that want someone else to have their dog regularly when they can't for whatever and take it for walks etc and on the other side of the coin someone who doesn't own their own dog gets to have that dog regularly and get to know it as if it is their own. see what you think!

@Lemono just to say I could of written your post. That's exactly how I feel and am, just swap a DD for you DS. Not sure why but just wanted to let you know you are not alone in that experience.

Ginandtonic4all - sorry to hear you're also going through this.

I really liked being married (I just married the wrong man!). I suppose my aim is to find the right man one day but it feels like a very distant dream.

I am an introvert so I quite like spending some time alone but I really struggle with a feeling that I am no longer in a 'team'.

I suppose we just have to find a way of getting through this tough stage. It is reassuring to know there are others going through this too.

I'm having a dull weekend alone this weekend (should have left the house today). Found this thread which was comforting / reassuring. Wondered if you managed to make the get-together you suggested in central London happen? (not that I'm down your way)

Evening all. Hope the Sunday evening isn't too bad for everyone. We have had a quiet weekend. I use to fill every moment possible with the kids before. Now I don't have either the motivation or the money. We get out each day but just few a few hours instead of all day. Guess we are all recovering still. Funny when the kids aren't here I don't want to lie in or potter about at home. Hopefully that will change in time.

Good to hear the London meet up happened. I have the touch of doom if I ever arrange anything. But happy to make new friends. If anyone is down south.

@HopelessWithNumbers hope the book club groups was positive and swimming in the sea. You are braver than me. Not warm enough for that.

@purpleme12 second what others have said when you feel you can reach out. Find new people. Not always easy. I found a good single Mum friend on the local gingerbread Facebook page. Also made new friend from mn too. So do reach out and see if anyone is near by you. It gets easier. Just takes time.

@anotherfail good to hear you are feeling more at peace with things. Change isn't easy. Especially when it isn't what you were expecting. We will soon be back into the routine of school/work etc. Enjoy your plans.

@Lemono think that is a big part of the struggle. I know everything is my responsibility. Making decisions the house and the kids. Ex was never massively involved but always bounced off him and we worked as a team. All be it a bit of a rubbish one. I know I will see it for the best further down the line. Just the enormity of it all

Ds has told me something about his last visit to his dad. So need to get some advice about the situation. Hate confrontation. And can't argue with ex because he is always right and will accuse me of influencing him. So got a shit storm to deal with. We have another week at home so at least we have few more days of chilling out.