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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Claw....a thread about loneliness

880 replies

HopelessWithNumbers · 08/07/2018 18:54

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
FolkGirlAtHeart · 15/08/2018 19:35

Yes, we definitely will. You are right, so predictable - I started playing 'dickhead bingo' with my friends Grin

eve34 · 15/08/2018 20:59

I do think that until someone new comes into play then your feelings for ex are still valid. Like the feelings need to be give. To someone.

I don't know I've not been dumped before. It is ruthless is all I know. 😪

8FencingWire · 15/08/2018 23:31

Evening all!
The good news is that I finished redecorating. I am rather good at it, I must say, I’m pleased with the results. It looks fresh. It also is completely blinding, I went for the hospital after the plague look, ie: WHITE. I had this fantasy I’ll be buying Farrow and Ball and turn my apartment into the White Company. I went for trade emulsion, all 25l of it. Grand total of about £45-ish (dunno, the last industrial size pot was a gift). Had I gone for Farrow and Ball hmmmm, it would have set me back a tidy sum!!!
It feels I’ve been painting for 6 months now, when, in effect, it’s been 3.
However, now I am ready to start putting things back. And tackling the drawers with s**t I might one day need.
And then I’ll be twiddling my thumbs again and be up to absolutely no good.

Tonights’ wisdom sermon comes from the Book of life, chapter ‘I’ve been there’.
Men think it’s their right to be selfish and childish. Fact. So all you lovely ladies not finding closure, wanting to rationalise and etc etc etc think you’re addressing a grown up, empathic male. When in effect you’re trying to have a grown up discussion with a todler with a beard and size 12 shoes. It ain’t gonna work.

I have blamed myself for years. I have tried and tried to understand, to get better at relationships. I realised it’s not me, it’s them. Very much so. So no more headspace for them.
I’m in the process of imagining my ideal man. All I can think of is a good cup of coffee and a bar of chocolate.

gin, hope you’re feeling better Flowers

HopelessWithNumbers · 16/08/2018 09:06

Hi everyone. Lots to catch up with.

Just a reminder that if anyone wants to meet up on Saturday afternoon in Central London, I’m around from 2pm.

PM me & we can arrange something.

OP posts:
FolkGirlAtHeart · 16/08/2018 13:15

Wise words, 8Fencing.

I hope you find someone, Hopeless; it's a bit too far out for me.

eve34 · 16/08/2018 13:40

Mmmnn chocolate.

yearofreckoning · 16/08/2018 14:28

I wish I lived in London ☹️. Hope you all that are meeting up have a lovely time x

Lemono · 16/08/2018 15:56

Just checking in to say hello. I have been at home the last 2 weeks - spending time with my son, which is great but I do miss adult conversation. My last meaningful conversation (in person) was on Sunday, although I have had a phone call since then. I know I need to be more proactive but it's hard when childcare is an issue and I actually have quite a lot to do... but it's stuff I need to do at home which means I am not getting out and about.

Next week is better as I am away visiting family.

I know life won't always be like this, but it's hard to see a way out of it at the moment.

EmmaGoldman1 · 16/08/2018 19:16

Evening all,
Just checking in to say hi 👋
Haven't had much productive to contribute recently- been struggling to buoy myself up and be positive/ take action.i know what I should do but struggling with motivation. But hey, this too shall pass...I'll keep plodding on...
Anyway, loving your updates and inspired by your strength. Also totally agree with 8 - it's not us it's them! Brilliant!
Love to you all, hopefully I'll get some energy back soon to be able to contribute something useful!

8FencingWire · 17/08/2018 23:01

Evening all. Hope everybody is ok Brew

ClaraReeva · 17/08/2018 23:45

I am missing him so much! Bastard
I don't mind being alone and enjoy my own company but......
I am free tomorrow @hopeless
I have been NC for a while but the then weakened today and text "do you fancy a kiss?" He replied "Tempting but not a good idea"
Love hurts

user1493423934 · 18/08/2018 01:48

Hi all!
Just checking in - wish i lived in London too so can meet up. Having a lot of legal shit to deal with ex - I've had to meet with him and I find it quite emotionally draining. Gah. Its horrible because I really miss being a family and doing stuff together and he clearly doesn't. Also have a brunch to go to tomorrow and he has the kids this weekend so will just be me there - everyone else will be families with kids. Spending rest of today (saturday) alone which I've not done in a long time. I have books and stuff to read but still a bit lonely.
Clara sorry what you're going through . . . . done the same thing tooSad. Take care - and everyone else have a good weekend.

8FencingWire · 18/08/2018 06:32

Good morning all!
clara, we’ve all done it. It’s normal how you feel. You know, sometimes it’s not worth fighting the sadness, just let it be, be sad, cry, be completely irrational, get it over with and start afresh. What happened to you two?

user, enjoy your day on your own, use it to recharge your batteries (figuratively 😂). When was the last time you really took your time to look after yourself?

I’ve got an emotional, hormonal and bored teenager at home. I’ve successfully avoided a complete meltdown last night, but jeez, it was draining. I had to ask her to leave the room for a bit so I can compose myself (we were in my bedroom). I must remember she is but a child, and a very sweet, caring good one at that. I really like hef. Sometimes though....😡😡😡

God, someone on MN said something about a men’s forum on reddit, some acronim I can’t remember. I googled it yesterday and needed a shower afterwards. The bits I read made my skin crawl. Not for me, for my daughter. So mysoginistic and frankly disturbing. Those men think all women are sluts and their mission is to show them who’s boss. I am a single mother, they think single mothers are just gagging for sex and want them (the men) to just pay for the ‘bastards’. Jesus Christ, what happened to the world? The sad part is that I recognise patterns like those in real life too. My poor, poor daughter!
I’ve got a nice home, bought by me without a penny from the marriage, I work full time and I am fully self sufficient, I am educated, I am lucky to be able to provide above average for us two, I genuinely don’t need a man to raise my daughter. But those men out there, they really believe that we’re after meal tickets?!! It made a horrible read. Not because it affects me, it doesn’t, it’s just sad for them and for the society.
Anyway. I thought that too much porn was screwing with their heads. It’s more than that, it’s emotional stunting. Gawd!

I am working some extra shifts to cover expenses, I am tired, but it’s all good. I’ve had a fantastic summer so far, one of the best of my life, I am looking forward to a slower pace, around the house. I got on a thread that’s prepping for the autumn, for back to school and to the grind. Several trips to Ikea saw for lots of lovely candles and fairy lights and rugs and cushions. The house has been redecorated, it just needs being made homely again. It’s all good. I’ll use this autumn and winter to look after my mental health :)

eve34 · 18/08/2018 08:57

@ClaraReeva you won't be the first or the last to text an ex. I did it once at the very beginning. Since then I draft e mails and don't send them. My ex really thought we would be friends whilst he replaced me with a 23 year old. I know he hates that I have completely cut him off. He hurts. I want to try and understand. But there is no arguing with stupid. Hang in there

@user1493423934 it isn't easy doing things on your own. When normally you are part of a family. Hope brunch goes smoothly for you.

@8FencingWire good you are getting things in place at Home. Hopefully give you some peace now it is all done.

We have had a peaceful week at home. Need to get more organised next week. And get out and about. Hopefully we get some nicer weather.

Milomonster · 18/08/2018 09:48

Hello all
I’ve been reading this thread but not posted. I’d love to join the meetup today - please could someone post the details?

Milomonster · 18/08/2018 09:48

I mean PM me the details...

HopelessWithNumbers · 18/08/2018 11:51

Meet up arranged for 2pm in Charing Cross Rd.

PM me if interested.

OP posts:
zzzaaaccc1 · 18/08/2018 17:27

I hope I'm not to late to join the thread. I'm 42 with a 5 year old DS OH works abroad for months at a time. Moved away from family when I married OH and never really settled. I'm just lonely not really made real friendships in my new town, I hate it took DS to a park the other day and just felt it everyone in groups and just me and his I do worry it will rub off on my son.
Anyway Hi everyone 🤗

HopelessWithNumbers · 18/08/2018 20:43

Hi zzz , welcome. Definitely not too late to join. It must be difficult when you have no family close by and starting in a new area. Has your DS started school yet?

8Fencing you seem to be bursting with energy! Great to hear that you are getting your house in order, literally and figuratively.

Emma hope you’re feeling ok today. Please keep popping in and saying hello. It’s always good to hear from you.

Milomonster and I had a very enjoyable cup of tea / hot choc & lengthy chat this afternoon. It was good to meet you Milo.
We thought it would be nice to do something similar now and again. If anyone is free and wants to meet for a chat / tea etc just put a message on here and see who is around. (I appreciate this is more tricky if you live in the wilds of somewhere!).

I hope everyone is enjoying or at least getting through the weekend. I don’t really expect to enjoy every weekend at the moment and don’t want to get into that thing we talked about before, of saying on a Monday ‘yes I had a great weekend’
Having said that, this is a good one as I’ve had a nice day today and am going to my book group tomorrow which is on the coast, so hoping for a swim in the sea.

Anyone know Torquay well? Are there nice beaches there? I’m going in September and hoping for some more sea swimming then.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 18/08/2018 21:10

I feel empty inside. I've lost me. I've got no adult to bounce myself off, to talk to normally. I don't know why I'm here really. I'm sorry for posting. I can't be myself anymore. I'm not strong anymore.

Namechanger1404 · 18/08/2018 21:12

Hi zz sorry to hear you’re feeling lonely, nothing worse than seeing groups enjoying each other’s company to compound the loneliness. You can pop in here for a chatSmile

8 you sound so full of energy I’m exhausted! Great you’re motivated to get things done though..

To all of you who are having to deal with a shitty ex/heartbroken or both, it will get better, I’ve not had a shitty ex, a wanker for sureHmmbut I have experienced terrible heartbreak, and it really does hurt.

hopeless Glad you had a nice chat with milo , will definitely like to meet up at some stage, I’m within easy access of central LondonSmile

Namechanger1404 · 18/08/2018 21:15

purple sorry to hear you’re feeling low, that empty feeling is not nice. You’re in good company here, there’s someone around a lot of the time it seems..please keep posting if you’re feeling like this, it will helpSmile

Milomonster · 18/08/2018 21:23

Hopeless - Thank you for making the time. It was really lovely to have met you. I really like what you said about making time for friends and not just focusing on new partners.

I’m happy to make time for anyone who wants to meet for a tea and a chat. It makes all the difference. Maybe for some it requires some confidence to meet a stranger but I think we are all in somewhat similar situations. We had a really good natter in beautiful surroundings.

HopelessWithNumbers · 18/08/2018 21:23

Thanks namechanger Hope to see you next time then!

purple Sorry to hear you sounding so down. I think a lot of us here understand that empty feeling.

Could you be yourself with us, here? I am here this evening....

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 18/08/2018 21:32

Thank you hopeless and namechanger.

All I've ever wanted is someone to love me and respect me. It's like now I've got no one (even though in the end he never acted like he loved or respected me) I'm not worth anything which is weird anyway cos I fought him cos I knew I was worth more and that that wasn't love.

I don't want to feel like this

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