The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

Hi all I’ve been ok this week - I’m starting my papers to divorce my abusive ex - he’s still trying to control me and begging me not to put he was violent on the papers!!!!
I have started to clear the house now - and moved the sofas dusted the skirting boards and removed cobwebs!!!! It’s been about 4 years since I last did this.
I paid for someone to remove the “bushes”;for the garden - I could not cope with it - cutting back - it will be more manageable now.
It’s probably because I have tooooo much stuff but I find a 3 bed house too much to manage.
I have a big family but they all have their own issues and there is too much disturbance - I now have minimal contact with a couple of them -it’s sad as it’s just a reminder of the damage inflicted upon us by that man!!!
This thread is a really good idea.
I met with a colleague from work yesterday - I’m trying to make more of an effort and it was good to get to know each other a bit more.
I find the weekend more difficult - but with this thread I realise we are not alone.
Am just watching Fraiser. I have the box set.
Any other recommendations for a comedy would be gratefully received.
Best wishes to everyone.

Hopeless - forgot to add I would be up to meeting up. Thanks

Morning all. I think I’ve managed to catch up a little. To all those meeting up today have a great day. Ds is being very difficult of late, a combination of hormones and the emotional problems caused by H. He is still not at the top of the list for counselling so I am bearing the brunt of a lot of awfulness and it’s wearing me down. I thought I was going ok and I am on the break up front- just powering through focussing on the practical but ds’s behaviour has me feeling stressed and sick and tearful. H has spoken to him about it but speaking to and dealing with day in day out are two very different things. After two weeks off work starts again tomorrow and will be full on for at least the next six weeks and likely very stressful. I have done my best to get all the getting ready for school starting/homework/holiday washing etc done in the last couple of days in order to not get overwhelmed but I think it’s safe to say I’m not going back to work rested and relaxed!
I’ve taken a voluntary position in a youth organisation for the next year, the commitment is only one evening every 8-12 weeks but at least I know I will have some adult contact. I’m also considering applying for another more time consuming voluntary position but I need to discuss this with work and I also want to be careful about not overwhelming myself in the search for a distraction

Hello all

Just wanted to check in and say hi, I'm a bit behind with the thread but will attempt to catch up!

Sunset sea swimming and playing in the sea with DGS sound wonderful. I find being in the sea never fails to cheer me up. I'm not sure who's still away or if everyone's back from hols now but hope all has gone well.

Hello people joining us 👋 Glad you found us here. It's a lovely supportive place with some very insightful people. I've got a lot from it

I haven't been around so much because ive been decidedly glum and just couldn't find any words. A situation with one of my few friends has got me down. She's not doing it on purpose but her current state of mh is meaning she's on the attack a lot atm. I can put up with it for so long but I'm an overlysensitive soul and I've let it get me down. Anyway I've done some pretty big boundary setting this weekend, and feeling better in my own company today. I've been pottering in the garden and it's been fine.

One of your posts upthread a bit really made me think Hope it was about the loneliness being something that's there regardless of whether you have a partner or not, like it's just this familiar feeling that's with you throughout. That really resonated with me too. I can see patterns that developed really early on for me. Now I understand it's an old 'pattern' (for want of a better word) I feel better about the possibility of changing it over time. So thank you so much for that

I hope the few days with your mum is as easy as it can be. I do empathise, my relationship with my mum used to be awful. Thinking of you.

Anyway, like I said, I'll try and catch up and get to know everyone

Oh hope the Hamble trip has gone well, look forward to hearing about it!

Can I join? I have just found myself a single parent again after escaping what was on the road to becoming an abusive relationship, if it wasn't already. It's hard to face being single again, especially as we had been trying for a baby. But I could not have stayed with him. Dd is now with exdp so am enjoying a beer in the garden in the sunshine. I also had 2 friends over last night which helped.

Hello random
Sounds like you've made a very wise and strong decision there. Hope you're able to feel proud of yourself for doing that, I know how tough it can be. Like I said before, this is a very supportive and insightful thread, a safe space to share your thoughts. Welcome.
And enjoy your beer! 🍻

Can I join this club too, was left after 7 years and trying to rebuild my life. Family are spread out and I drifted apart from friends after some health issues. Finding life quite lonely at the moment. My main ideas to combat this are volunteering and to find some local groups but still recovering from a big injury so in a bit of limbo!

Welcome sausage
Sorry to hear you've had all that to deal with. Glad you found us. There's quite a few us trying out groups and volunteering, it's a good place to share experiences of that. A few of us have signed up to Action for Happiness groups and events, I'd recommend them if you're researching things to do

Hello all..I have read most of the threads, but cannot remember who said what, as I read them in a lump! please forgive mebut thank you all for your kind words

I hope you’ve all managed to get through the weekend though. My DD and her bf came over yesterday daytime, and I went out for dinner with my brother last night. I have done lots of clearing out from the garden today, a couple of runs to the tip.

My brother popped in for a couple of hours too. My neighbours (gorgeous young couple) had friends over to stay, that’s when I feel lonely, I rarely have that. But ultimately it is (as someone said up thread) that however many people are around, it’s that feeling inside of you, it rarely leaves me.

Emma I shall look at the action for happiness too!

I’m signed up to the Olympic Park to do some volunteering this month, that should be fun

Thank you Emma, I'll check that out. :)

Just found out dd has been our meeting exdps new girlfriend, who is basically a younger, slimmer version of me, and probably more fun. Serves me right I suppose...

emma I have joined thank you

sausage it is hard rebuilding your life isn’t it? But you’re being proactive so that’s a step in the right direction

randomuntrainedcuntowner Why does it serve you right?

Brilliant namechanger! Enjoy

Hope you find something you like the look of sausage 👍

random Ouch. That's tough. But in no way does it serve you right or is she better than you. You're the kid's mum and there's no competing with that. I used to 'romanticise' my XP's new relationship and new P. What I learnt was that he was the same bloke with the same issues and annoying habits etc that I'd put up with for years. Things may seem new and shiny right now but it doesn't give them a personality transplant. My DS's dad is now on 2nd LTR since me. He hasn't changed. He has more cash and a fancy house but I don't envy them one bit. Honestly, its throughly shit right now but it gets better

@randomuntrainedcuntowner it hurts like nothing else. I know you feel like they are having and ball and you have been replaced so easily. But for your dc. You are their Mum. And you can't be replaced.

My dads third wife is a really lovely lady. But she is my dads third wife. Not my mum.

Stay strong. Remember all the reasons ex is a dick and be glad someone else is putting up with it all now.

Hi everyone. I think I've found my thread. Been suffering from loneliness since ex-DH moved out in the winter. It really is the weekends that are the worst. I've not got much family around and my weekends with DS feel quite lonely if I don't have much planned. He doesn't spend a great deal of time with his dad so I've found it hard to do things like join clubs/socialise more etc.

I've just been on holiday with just DS too - again the aching sadness strikes most then. It seems to be worse when you're surrounded by families enjoying themselves together. That's also when the rose-tinted specs strike and I find myself over-analysing what went wrong in my marriage. In reality I know that holidaying with DH wasn't the dream either.

It's crap that there are so many of us in this boat but reassuring to know that I am not alone.

Lemono I know how that feels. I'm in a job where I see lots of people arriving on holiday and there's me wondering if I'll have someone to go on holiday with ever again. Surely at this time of life, over 50, I can expect hope for some companionship. Feeling a bit of self pity today. The country I live in, this is a long weekend and it feels extremely long, indeed

I'm really late to this thread but hope it's ok I join!

I hate this lonely feeling so much! Split up with the ex nearly 2 years ago and at first I loved it but as time has gone on the lonely feeling just gets bigger and bigger...doesn't help that I have the kids about 90% of the time due to him changing to a stupid retail job...I have them every weekend and I always end up feeling so lonely...don't get me wrong I love my kids and love my time with them and it's just hard....kids are with my ex right now they went on Wednesday and I'm not getting them back until Wednesday (the longest time we've ever been apart) so I'm missing them but it's made the loneliness even more apparent as don't have them to distract me...I have hardly any friends none that local so haven't been able to see them and there is sort of a guy on the scene but he hasn't taken advantage of me being childfree so made me realise he's probably not as into me as I am to him...sorry I'm just rambling but I just feel so sad right now

Good to meet you Lemono Want2beme and amy85 👋
Thanks for joining us. I can empathise with those feeling sad and that awful empty feeling atm. I've been struggling lately too- I don't think summer/holiday time helps.
We've talked a lot on here about doing things not just to meet others but to make ourselves feel better/boost our sense of self worth, which can really take a beating when the loneliness takes hold. I'm off work today so going to try and persuade myself to get out for a walk and get some jobs done that I've put off. I'm hoping that if I go for the walk first then it'll give me a bit of a boost to do the other stuff.
I might also ring an old friend later (lives miles away), that usually helps make me feel more human.
for everyone struggling today
How was Hamble?

Hi, been lurking but not posted as I suspect ex knows my username here . . . but what the hell.
Been separated for nearly a year and rebuilding my life. Really depressed as I can't find a job (been out of work for nearly 7 years to raise children as a result no one wants to even touch my cv). Do volunteer work and did a post grad qualification when DC were young but still no help. Sigh. Ex is getting snarky about it and can't understand why I can't get a job. Doesn't really understand why. Recruitment consultants are useless as well. Doesn't help all my friends have jobs (and husbands) and I'm just feeling a bit useless. Sorry about the self pitying rant, having a bad day. I know a lot of you are feeling a bit this way too (sorry too many to personally mention) to you all.

Thank you, Emma. Did you manage a walk today? Do you have a dog to go with you? Hope your friend was able to talk with you. I find there are days when I'm full of energy and keep going all day long. There are other days when I really have to push myself. For me, being occupied in some way maintains the destraction from the loneliness. for everyone here.

Thanks Want2bme I did go for a walk, I don't have a dog but I borrowed one! It helps doesn't it. Glad I went.
No jobs done and didn't speak to my friend (sent a message it not heard back today) I understand what you mean about energy levels, mine have been low recently so I was a push to do what I did, but hey, I did it. I agree, distraction can definitely be our friend.

Hello user
Sounds like you've really been going through it recently. I'm not surprised you feel so down, such a lot of pressure, and it's crap that you're getting it from your ex. Last thing you need. Sounds like you're being really proactive though, I hope something turns up soon. Oh, and it's not self pity- you sound like someone who's been very strong for a long time despite everything. You need to be able to express what you're feeling. This thread is a supportive place to do that. Welcome.

Hope everyone is doing ok

Thanks Emma. Just feeling a bit useless at the moment. My teen DD hates me sigh and I feel I have achieved nothing. The no job thing is really starting to get to me, I'm starting to panic about money.

Hi folks, I’m back from my holiday and had the most fantastic time. I really didn’t want to come back and feeling a little blue today - I preferred sun, cocktails, nice company and water sports to reality 😁 I only had the occasional jealous moments watching families on the beach but also noticed how many couples there are who don’t really talk to each other.

It has reminded me though that I really like going on holiday/travelling (hadn’t done any in ages) and that people like to chat to me and that I can be funny etc. (sorry I know this sounds arrogant, it’s not meant this way, just don’t know how to describe it).

I hope that I will be able to translate a little of that confidence into my everyday life. I guess I have built a very cosy and secure world around me after my marriage breakup, which I needed at the time to keep at least some stability in my life after ex walked out (but which has also resulted in quite a bit of sitting at home). I think it might be time to break out of that a little more often.

Sorry for the ramblings, it just pooped into my head this morning.

Right, better get started on project laundry.